& i never believed that the multitude of dreams and many words were in vain.

my birthday last weekend was a total blast. i feel a need to reiterate that point over and over again because it seems somehow to make up for the shitty weekend i'm having, what with the two final exams i had on Monday and Tuesday - the Tuesday one being absolutely ridiculous with me losing Middlemarch the like very day of the exam, and misplacing half my lecture notes the night before - and the two papers i still have left to do which i have absolutely no desire to begin on.

i really need to get out of the house and supper, shop, whatever. i can't wait for Monday to come cos that's when my last paper - the 20th century one - is due. i can't wait for Monday to come cos it's reading week, which would mean i get to breath a little, if only a little, cos i have no more school and can concentrate on studying once i've gotten myself perked up again.

on one hand i'm glad you tell me untruths to protect me cos you know the truth would hurt, on the other i think it's perfectly useless for you to not tell me the truth when i - being somewhat intuitive about things like that - am able to sort of grasp at what really happened. it borders on paranoia and i don't like it, but fact is: you can't change it, i can't change it, and we have to live with the consequences of things that happened unseen in the past, now many years later. i think i'd rather know things rather then to guess at what may have happened, cos the imagination is cruel and it supplies more vicious, hurtful thoughts than reality may actually hold. 

...I re-enter

the city in which I love you.

And I never believed that the multitude 

of dreams and many words were in vain.