Passion, Naivete, Conviction

How time really flies. It was barely last week when I found myself stepping through the gates of my beloved CHIJ again, after something like 8 years. It feels a bit like I'm coming back full circle; there's so much I feel for this place even though it's been such a long time since I left. The building may have changed, the principal a new one, but this is still the school I spent a good 7 years of my life in, the place to which I can credit a great deal of who I am today. I started out unsure - scared, even, of what this internship experience would bring. Now that this is all almost over, I find myself sitting here wishing this could go on for longer. I never thought I would look forward to stepping into class, never imagined myself to actually find that I like speaking to a classroom full of restless teens, like teaching these at-times eager, at others totally disinterested young people. I must admit that I do surprise myself more often than I would give myself credit for.

Right now, I'm marking a stack of expository essays on Passion - and I cannot help but feel how apt it is that I am reading all these essays at the moment. As I comment on the oftentime naive and idealistic words of 40 fourteen-year-olds, I find myself wondering to myself if I really know what I am passionate about. If I'm as passionate about teaching as I am about learning. I even learnt a thing or two from some of the girls: the difference between passion and obsession, and I find myself humbled as I note the wisdom in the words of a fourteen-year-old. This job brings self-discovery with each day that goes by, and I find myself noting with the wonderment of a teen, the new things I learn each day - about myself and about bigger things like passion.


This is what life should be about, this is the kind of thing I want to spend my time and life on. I just wonder if I'm stating these with all the the naivete of my schooling self, or if I'm indeed ready to go into the deep with both feet, without my life buoy snug around me.

Do you know what's worth fighting for?

When it's not worth dying for?

Does it take your breath away,

& you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?

& you look for a place to hide?

Did someone break your heart inside?

You're in ruins.

One, 21 guns

Lay down your arms, give up the fight.

One, 21 guns

Throw up your arms into the sky, you & I.

I am weary, but I know Your touch restores my life.

I'm frantic over my non-existent lesson plan for tomorrow!!!!!!!!
Not so much that I have to hand it in - which I don't. But more like I need to organize my thoughts so that I can conduct a coherent class.

That being said, I am not going to stay up past 10PM tonight cos I need my sleep very very badly.
Another headachey day and I will stab someone soon.

This week has been a harsh lesson on how I am only human, sorely limited by my physical body. My spirit is willing but my flesh is so, so weak. I have to lift all this to God and rely on His unending strength; for where I lack, God adds on and completes.



So, I'll end this post with my prayer for tonight as I recharge for tomorrow's battles:

Hungry, I come to You,

For I know You satisfy

I am empty, but I know

Your love does not run dry

Broken I run to You

For Your arms are open wide.

I am weary, but I know

Your touch restores my life.

So I wait for You

So I wait for You

I'm falling on my knees

Offering all of me

Jesus, You're all this heart is living for.

What-The-Hell Wednesday

Today is turning out to be one of those days. Sigh.
Woke up with a massive headache, cos slept too little last night. Yes I know, I'm turning out to be one of those horrid working people who cannot stay up past 10pm on weekday nights. :(
Logged onto facebook and saw my classmates' graduation pics. Which you know, is a happy thing. But I'm so envious at the moment cos it feels like I'm NEVER going to graduate. I'm such a witch, I know. Feeling envious at other people's happiness. Sigh.
That, and the fact that I'm starting to teach tomorrow and I'm already nervous (what the hell right), and have not started planning for lessons for next week at all. Plus, I have no motivation to write my reflections for the week.
Oh, and I have a totally improptu meeting with Dr Ang today, cos I didn't realise that when I postponed last week's meeting to this week, it would be today.


Today's turning out to be one of those days. I just want to go home and sleep.

Happy Gloomy Tuesday!

Yay I am happy! I finally managed to put up my first album from my Europe trip on facebook!
I'm gonna do up a consolidated blog post (or maybe a few haha) when I'm free, but for now, here's the link to the facebook album, for all you non-facebook people. :)

http://www.facebook.com/#!/album.php?aid=179989&id=533668442&ref=mf


That aside, I sort of started teaching today. If commenting on presentations in class can be considered that.
Was caught totally off guard though, cos I was expecting to start on Thursday only, so wasn't in the right mental state! For these kinda of things, I usually have to prep myself the day(s) before, or I'll usually bomb them. Not a born public speaker, what can I say!

But what made my day today was when a bunch of girls from the class I sort of taught chorused in the corridor: "Hi Miss Ang!" and smiled so happily at me. That was a totally awwww moment and I thought to myself that every minute of excruciating embarrassment I put myself through in these next 3 weeks will be worth it for moments like these. :)

That, and the Koi bubble tea in the afternoons from Toa Payoh. Haha.

Post-Vacation and struggling.

It's been 2 weeks since I got back to Singapore from my month-long Europe holiday, but it feels like I never left. I know, I said the exact same thing when I got back from Guelph after my exchange, but it really does feel this way. The reality of life in your home country is such that it draws you right into its dynamic heart, so much so that you get sucked right into everything the moment you step on home soil and take in a breath of the humid tropical air.

I know I've been procrastinating terribly, especially with this blog, but I've just been so caught up with my internship! It's been 2 weeks since I started, and everyday requires every ounce of my attention and energy to get by. Waking up at 5:15AM every morning does not agree with me, I can tell you that. By the time I get home at night, I'm just too tired to want to do anything, so I usually hit the sack by 10PM. Unless I attempt to do something social, like dinner with a friend, or something - in which case, I crawl into bed at 12AM.

This morning saw me haul my ass out of bed with a bad swollen eye due to me having worn my contacts from 6AM to 10:30PM the day before. 16 hours of contact lens wearing is really not healthy, I found out. This calls for a better eye care regime, methinks! I was also down with a bout of stomach flu on Wednesday, so was on MC. Slept the entire day away. This week feels so short, especially with the Youth Day school holiday on Monday and with my MC on Weds. And now, it's Friday. Gonna work on some lesson plans this weekend, since I'm due to be teaching end of next week. Scaryyyyyyyy.


Okay some sneak peeks of my Europe holiday to whet the appetite (both yours and mine!) before I upload more in the posts to come! Hee :)