winter sonata.

so left with too much time on my hands, my sleeping thoughts are stirred once more, and i find myself thinking too much about the most inane things more than ever. waste-time thoughts. my mind is an archive of my life - dig deep enough and you'll find memories that record every event that's worth remembering. and some that perhaps aren't, too. but they're just there. everything just tumbles down over my head and overwhelms me sometimes. and with all the images in your mind crystallizing before you, you begin to see paths leading out of all of them into dark unknowns. all the alternatives to the choices that have made me who i am today. as tough as it sounds, the choices i've made in my life are unretractable. life isn't linear, it doesn't just have a simple cause-effect relationship. life's an immense tangle of points that are all intertwined somehow, like a web.

if i had to take just one lesson home from reality and life as i know it with me when i die, it'll have to be that everybody lies. it's a sad fact of well, life. i've lied a gazillion times in the 21 years i've lived on this earth, i've been lied to probably twice as many times as that. it hurts at first to think that everyone lies to some degree, to have someone lie to your face without blinking an eyelid. but when you realise that you do it too, it seems less heinous. 

musing aside, things have been improving dramatically for me. perhaps it's the proper sleep i'm actually getting every night now - i'm not so homesick and mopey anymore, not to the extent that i was last week, anyway. it's been snowing practically everyday here though, and my boots have been getting all icky and stuff, with the salt stains from the slush splashing up as i walk. it's gross. but i'd rather that than to have the bottoms of my jeans get dirty, anytime. 

i've bought tonne of clothes here, most of which can't be worn here. this is what i call foresight on my part. :D and Old Navy has the cutest slippers ever. i feel like going back to get one in every colour! i just might do that. heh. i've been deprived of summer-type clothes for too long already. give me back my slippers, shorts, tank tops and dresses!

so i was also thinking as i watched Winter Sonata, that there's more than one way to die. there's death, and then, - there's death.