Three more weeks, I *think* I can do it?

I really gotta get my act together. The advertising paper is due Thursday and I haven't even begun working on anything. Granted, I'm supposed to compile the entire thing and edit it, but I still actually need to work on the competitor section of the paper and add on to Heather's write-up of Charles & Keith itself. And, Charles & Keith have not replied me. I suspect that the marketing exec who had replied my email doesn't intend to furnish us with the answers to the questions we asked, and as such are behaving terribly inconsiderately by not bothering to reply after I'd emailed her our list of questions that she'd asked for.

And I have to choose the 5 articles for the PR issue tracking project and summarize them by Weds, cos He Wei needs them to write her part.

And, my presentation for tomorrow is atrocious. You have no idea. SIGHH.



It's just three more weeks, just gotta give it all you got.
My insomnia last night is not helping at all. Looks like it's gonna be a long three weeks. :(

The snare of the fowler will never capture me,

I spent the entire day yesterday with my wing and though we didn't do anything special (what's new these days, really haha), I enjoyed every minute of it. Time spent with my wing is so short and such a rare commodity these days.. Makes every minute seem all the more precious and oh-so-fleeting. Guess this busy spell has taught me how to live in the now instead of my habit of living in the past or the future, with my head always filled with thoughts and plans. We had a scrumptious lunch at Sushi Tei, I read some Baudrillard & Lyotard while he napped, we went for Mass, had dinner with his family, watched the latest episode of The Big Bang Theory and one of Gossip Girl (I'm really lagging in my GG watching this season). Mundane things but it didn't matter to me - we could have spent the day peeling beansprouts or shelling peanuts together, and it would still have been just as well-spent.

I hardly see or talk to the boyf during the week now that we're both such busy-bees, but I'm really thankful I have a best friend who cares and still has time for me in spite of  her even more busy schedule, and helped keep me sane throughout last week when I was such a terrible stressed out insomniac. We did small things together that was so reminiscent of our younger days, like sharing a pizza and watching TV as though there were nothing better to do. Watched a week's worth of the silly 7pm Korean drama on Channel U and laughed so hard over Just for Laughs Asia. :P Walked outside for dinner on Friday and played Raving Rabbids on her Wii. All these times with Trina are precious too, and it's heartwarming to know that our friendship is still going so strong after all these long years. Things will definitely change when we get married and start our own families, but I think I will always need my best friend in my life by my side too - there're some things that nothing will ever replace.


Yes, indeedy, God has been faithful and has bore me up on eagle's wings.
He has blessed me abundantly with my wing, with Trina - people who bring me such love and help me through each day of this difficult month. It may get tough and lonely sometimes; sometimes, the world seems to want to take me down however I fight, and I may let it get to me every so often. But ultimately, when I go to bed each night, I know that I am loved and I manage to drag myself out of bed the next morning, no matter how I don't want to face the world for another day.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings

Bear you on the breath of dawn

Make you shine like the sun

And hold you in the palm of His hand.

credits: http://www.flickr.com/photos/wolfsoul/2523939116/

Toothless the Dragon

How to Train Your Dragon in 3D last night was soooooooooooooooooo good!!
For me, the highlight of the entire show was Toothless, the dragon. :):) He's so superduper cute, I wish I could have a pet dragon toooooooo!!!

Some pics of Toothless to help me relive some of the show last night.

The Japanese poster is so much cuter than the one we have here. I love it when Toothless lets Hiccup pat him, the look he gives. :):)

His "thanks for the fish - here's half back, i'm sharing it with you! *grin*" look :P

Toothless trying to smile at Hiccup! Aw so cuteeeeeee right!

Here's when Toothless lets Astrid ride him too. He reminds me of a huge cat!
Come to think of it, Toothless looks a bit like a Pokemon. Haha.







DAYYYMNN I WANT A PET DRAGON!!

Another work-related, lack-of-time & motivation rant..

Now, here's the deal:

I have a PR mid-term tomorrow, and a research paper due on Thursday - and I don't feel like doing any of the abovementioned. I also have a presentation on Pynchon to pull together for next Tuesday as well as my group report for Advertising due next Thursday to hammer out over the weekend.

All this, considering and acknowledging the fact that I still have two final essays to write for Pynchon & Utopias, 4000 words and 2500 words respectively.



I also have to start planning and actually booking accommodation for my upcoming Europe trip in May/June with Trina (YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), but where do I find time to do that in the midst of all these little itty bitty datelines??? So much to do, so little time!!

Oh and I also reallyx10 need to run and gym, majorly. I'm deteriorating into a lump of lard and I can't help but feel disgusted with the way my body has mutinied against me in spite of my constant wishing that I will not grow fat when I do work. Unfortunately, it just does not work that way, huh.
OKAY I SHALL STUDY.

Time for a nap!

Okay so I just found out that the report that was supposed to be due tomorrow is now due on Thursday.


I am now somewhat at a loss as to what I should do now. I am inclined towards studying for PR now since the test is on Weds anyway.
Or maybe I shall go for a nap. Yes, that sounds the most appealing. :)

My schedule for the next month:

My face is telling me that I'm headed for my stressful final weeks of the semester. Awful zits are popping up on my forehead and nose - telltale sign of my body automatically registering the stress-to-come. I'm trying so hard to work on the introduction of my Governance report, but it's still, after all this time, stuck at page 2! Sigh. :(

In an attempt to focus myself, I shall put my schedule of things due here.
Perhaps it will scare me into action. Heh.

Week 10
21 March (Mon): Governance 27 page project report due
23 March (Weds): PR mid-term 2

Week 11
29 March (Mon): Governance presentation
30 March (Tues): Pynchon presentation
1 April (Thurs): Advertising project report due

Week 12
6 April (Tues): PR project presentation

Week 13
12 April (Mon): Utopias final exam + 2500 word essay due
16 April (Fri): Pynchon 4000 word final essay due

Reading week
19 April (Mon): PR 6-7 page project report due


Exam week 1
26 April (Mon): PR final exam 
28 April (Weds): Governance final exam


Exam week 2
5 May (Mon): Governance final exam










I am slightly worried now. :(
My Governance report due in 2 days stands at 21 pages at the moment - and I have to type out the most important, crucial part of the report still. I still have to check citations and edit the language and phrasing of the sections my group mates have sent me, and finish up the introduction. Definitely by tonight.




Okay nevermind I will finish watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose first. 
I'm testing out my new theory that watching tv helps in my writing :P

Gotta let that go, if only for a while, though 2 is better than 1.

Now, the weekend is creeping up on us, and the day is coming to its inevitable end. No matter how I did not want the day to come to its close, the clock was relentless in its march forward, and I find myself sitting here at 1:38AM of the 20th of March, wishing it would be 1:38AM of the 19th of March all over again. So that I would have another whole day just with you to look forward to. It doesn't matter what we do, I suppose, since all we did today was our work - you with your piles of marking, and me with my very uncooperative Governance paper to write + edit - as long as we have the hours stretching out before us, together. 


Ah, I'm such a sap, aren't I? Heh.

I find myself trying to teach myself to let go gradually temporarily, cos for the next 4 weeks or so, such time together would be an utter luxury.

So maybe it's true, that I can't live without you.
& maybe two is better than one.
But there's so much time, 
to figure out the rest in my life,
& you've already got me coming undone,
& I'm thinking that two is better than one.

Even before I turn the page,

The past week has been the best week of my semester, even though I spent so many of my nights quarreling just before going to bed.

But you know what, the fact that I could spend practically every waking hour with you made it all worth while.

I'm sad that the week is about to end and the work must begin, since the Governance paper is due on Monday - but I'm so grateful for every single minute we had together and thankful that you put up with my million and one demands (although with much fight!) It's only when good things like these have to come to an end that we realize how important they are to us. To me.

We have one more day together tomorrow, and may it be a fruitful, work-filled day, at that!

I already am missing you even before next week comes by, but it's only making me cherish you all the more when I have you with me by my side for now.

Please let me not be sick thank you.

I really really hope x100 that I'm not falling sick.
My head has been feeling really heavy and cotton-woolly all of today. I could barely pay attention in lecture with the throbbing at the back of my head :/

Sigh please please please let me be not sick.
It's so important for me to be in tiptop shape this week, what with the photoshoot for my advertising project on Weds, and governance and new media report due in a week's time. :(

Thoughts on the effects of sin in my life;

In my bid to help Clem with his session tomorrow, I'm gonna reflect on the effects of sin in my life here, since this is the space where my thoughts and words flow the most freely. Funny how this should be the case, in such a public space. But while I'm typing all this down, it doesn't feel public, no; in fact, it feels more private than a pen-and-paper diary, deceptively.

So yes. Sin. I'm constantly in a state of it, hardly ever fully free of it, if at all. Try as I might to stay in a state of sinlessness, I find myself always falling into it inadvertently, in some small or big thought, word or deed. 

Everytime I sin, I break and sully more of that perfect image and likeness that God had made me in at the start. Like a mirror, becoming more and more cracked - finally distorting my reflection into something else other than what it was meant to be.

Whenever I sin, I find myself going through the same process all over again; I never get sick of doing the same thing over and over. At first, I feel guilty - awfully, gnawingly guilty. I always begin by wishing I didn't do whatever it is I did, whether it was a lie I told, someone I gossiped about, or over indulging in my shopping habit when I know I shouldn't. At this point, I'm feeling really bad about the wrongdoing that I found myself doing, so I pray and tell God that I'm sorry for being such a witch. Then, when it hits me that hey, it's done, you can't undo it, I begin to try to forget that I even did it, try to pretend it all away. I stop trying to talk to God in prayer, cos everytime I do, it just reminds me of the gaping sin: coming face to face with the perfection of God WILL remind me of my imperfections and sins. So I turn to other things in life, I try to comfort myself with material things like food, shopping and physical and mental enjoyment (like more and more sleep, and watching more and more movies), all in the effort to make me forget about the guilt I feel at knowing I've done wrong and hence being unable to face God in prayer. When this phase is over (this is usually the longest part of the internal journey), I start to try to be a good person to the people around me, hoping that my efforts and being kind and helpful and good will somehow help reduce the guilt. Of course, this usually doesn't work out and I find myself never able to fully escape from the effects of that one little sin (or that many little sins, if you will have it) in my life. And this is where I find myself crawling back to God in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, where the priest is supposed to be the person of Christ - so when he tells me that my sins are forgiven, I truly feel and know that God has forgiven me, and I feel whole again, if only for that little while. The decision to go for Confession is always a long and tough one, but I always come out of it wondering why I didn't go back to God and ask for forgiveness for my sins any earlier.

Sin makes me escape, sin makes me not want to face up to what I've done. It makes me a very split, schizophrenic person, trying every which way to do everything I can do not acknowledge that I need the Divine to repair my human self, that only God who created me knows exactly how to fix me.

New layout!

Yay I am quite pleased with my new blog layout.
It took me a while to set up, but it's quite worth it! :)
I know, it's not brain surgery to apply codes taken off blogskins.com, but I'm definitely no techie expert here okay. Heh.

Back to reading Vineland before Clem comes.
Much to do, but so little time!
That's saying much, considering how I spent a large portion of today just playing with the new 550D.
Will upload random pics taken from the new baby soon, maybe sometime this weekend!

Some days I'm a super bitch

Every once a month, I wish to hell that I wasn't born female. This thing that afflicts me, God, how do I even begin to describe the pain? Clem asked me what it felt like yesterday, cos it's simply beyond him (and all guys, I suspect) to even fathom the extent of the pain that menstrual cramps put me through. So I tried to explain - and the closest, most agonizing thing that guys would be able to comprehend I could draw a comparison to, was the feeling of getting kicked in the balls every 5-10 minutes. I've been told that when one kicks a male in the gonads, he experiences a sharp, shooting pain that radiates from his crotch all the way to his stomach, leaving him feeling weak and nauseated, light-headed and seeing stars. His knees buckle from the pain, and all he can do is roll on the floor and writhe in agony. --So I've heard.

Well, all of that sounds nastily like my cramps every month, except I have to endure wave after wave of this crap  for about 8 hours in a row. It used to be a lot less painful, but as I grew older, the intensity and duration of my cramps seem to have increased exponentially. So yesterday was one of the worse bout of cramps I've experienced in a while, possibly cos I tried to stay off the painkillers the entire time until I had to go out in the evening. What it felt like, was unimaginable. My womb felt like it was being shredded to bits from inside out, and the pain left my toes curling at every wave that hit me. I was in cold sweat this entire time, leaving me in a state of intense discomfort cos I couldn't wrap myself up in my blanket without sweating even more, and couldn't take the blanket off cos I would start shivering. Everytime I sat up to try to relieve some of the pain in my abdomen, my bloated stomach, which felt like it had a gallon of liquid forced in, would squelch and contract in protest, trying to force me to throw up - which at this point, was impossible anyway since I hadn't taken anything (solid or liquid) into my body for the last 12 hours. So all I could do was clutch my abdomen and bend over into a ball - which didn't really help anyway - leaving me with no choice but to lie back down again and close my eyes so that the world would stop spinning. At this point, a mother-ass wave of pain would wash over me from abdomen all the way up to my chest... And the cycle begins again. I was like that from 12pm all the way to about 6pm when I forced myself out of bed cos Clem and I wanted to check out the IT fair at Suntec this weekend and we could only make it yesterday. Literally crawled downstairs with hands clutching at the railings, heated up the beef soup in the fridge mom had made for me for a day like this, which I knew was coming already anyway, and forced it down my throat so I could take some painkillers.

By the time 9pm came round again, the effects of the painkillers were wearing off and I felt like dying all over again. Clem was practically dragging me from the stifling crowd at the convention centre all the way to the food court at the fountain and I was about to burst into tears at my helplessness. Sigh.

Anyway. All the pain I go through every month never ceases to bring out the bitch in me, and very very unfortunately, my bitchfits often get played out with Clem as my very unfortunate, very unwitting victim. It's a very ugly sight, and I think the excuse of "it's the time of the month", while valid, is a very poor one. I shouldn't be a slave to my hormones, I'm more than a chemically controlled biological organism.

Some days I'm a super bitch,
Up to my old tricks, but it won't last forever.
Next day, I'm your super girl,
Out to save the world, and it keeps getting better.



Soon, I will revert to my supergirl alterego, when impossible is nothing and nothing is impossible. I'd do anything and everything with gusto, floating sky high into a faraway somewhere like a helium balloon a kid has inadvertently let go of into the dusky sky.


So, I have to show you what I dragged my in-much-pain self out of bed for yesterday evening.
My new Canon 550D DSLR!!

Okay, Clem's and my new DSLR. Since he bought it for us. I'm supposed to learn how to use it and teach him! It's such a beauty! And we sort of were very lucky cos we'd actually paid for the 500D, but the person had given us the 550D by accident. And we only realized after we'd left the mad rush upstairs, when we were queuing up for the freebies. By then, I was too cramped up to feel ethical and Clem was too frazzled with trying to deal with a difficult me - so we did the unethical thing and just walked away with our 550D. (There I was telling you about how my cramps bring out the bitch in me - perfect example 1.)

I'm still too gleeful over our accidental gain (the 550D costs about $200 more than the 500D, and is closer to the powerful 7D in performance with its whopping 18 megapixel capability) and spent the first hour I got up this morning playing with my - no, OUR - new toy. It even comes with a Crumpler carrying case! And, we got to buy the Speedlite270EX flash at the $119 price that customers of the 500D get to buy (but not 550D), so really, we were really lucky. (I should feel bad about now right? But not yet..)

The picture quality of the 550D is amazing!!! But, it blows up ALL my blemishes on my face cos of its precision and the power of the lens. (Only an EFS18-55 which already cost us about $200, but still way more powerful than my Sony Cybershot by 20x) Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee I can foresee this baby lasting us all the way into our marriage, so all we'll need to do to upgrade this baby is to get different lenses and colour filters for different shooting capabilities. :D:D:D

Postponing my thoughts on Sacrifice & Alice

Today's talk about sacrifice and suffering by Fr Luke was a really good reminder about my self-absorption lately. When was the last time I sacrificed something, denied myself anything? (other than sleep, which I deprive myself of on a daily routine nowadays, but that's cos I'm trying to get something else which I prize even more than sleep, so I suppose this doesn't count) It's not about the sacrifice per se, it's about dying to myself more each day as I struggle to be less about me and more about God. More about that some other time, cos it's so late already, and I do still have so much to say on that.

To sidetrack a little before I go... I think my Lenten penance of not shopping is not working. :(
I've just bought myself a new top from Hollyhoque, 2 rompers from Catwalkclose, and am about to pay for 2 new bags from Tianfenlan. All in one day.

UGH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

Stop shopping seriously. I need to save for my Europe trip in May/June. Like seriously. I'm going to swear off blogshopping, forever. And give more tuition, perhaps. Sigh. I need to make money. And it's not as if I have so much time on my hands, either. I'm still trying my best to be a relatively good student instead of an all-star shitty one. For eg: I have no clue about what's going in my Pynchon class, I have skipped 5 consecutive Advertising lectures, and have a stinking feeling I did badly for my Utopias test. I'm very sadly average for my PR module after the recent mid-term 1 (wth is up with these mid-term that comes in 2 parts?! >:(((

The only bright side to all of this is that I seem to have topped my class in the recent Advertising mid-term, with 18.4/20. Highest mark is - guess what - 18.4. Mwahahahahahaha!
But that is the only thing I think I'll be able to gloat over this semester. And not forgetting, that it was an MCQ test. But still, having the highest marks in a class of 140 is a pretty awesome feeling. :D:D I shall bask in my happiness for a while (which I feel I don't really fully deserve, but heck, beggars can't be choosers at this point right, so I should take whatever good performances with two happy hands and be very very grateful, which I really am) before I tackle my readings for the weekend. Ben chmarks for the weekend are to complete 1984 so that I can start planning for my comparison Utopias essay, read my two e-campaigning articles so I can start on the intro of that report, start crapping something that even remotely resembles a piece of art up for David Teh's yoyo-ing exercise, and try to start on Vineland. I have given Gravity's Rainbow up for dead at this point, cos I no longer even enjoy trying to read it.

And, I shall talk about my thoughts on Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland in my next post or so, which I caught in 3D tonight with Clem. I have a lot to say about Alice cos I loved the book when I read it for the 19th c module under Susan Ang (her enthusiasm for the book is really infectious, as you can tell)..

Okay time to go to bed, I have tuition tomorrow morning before I go to meet Rita (!!!!) and the exchange gang to show her around before she leaves.

Be Italian!

Clem and I went to watch Nine last night on a complete whim, and boy was it good! Who cares about the bad reviews it received (I went online to check how critics rated it and I found mostly 6-7 stars out of 10 ratings) - I was thoroughly entertained. And I think shows like these always make me fall in love with Europe all over again, based on a representation I receive through the silver screen. Kinda silly, but happens too often with me.




I like this version of the movie poster particularly, cos it's pretty much telling of the text-within-a-text (screen-within-a-screen, if you want to nitpick) kinda thing going on.

When I watched Paris 36, I wanted to go to Paris so badly, experience some of that romantic atmosphere that everyone raves about - and I am in June, now!
When I watched Vicki Cristina Barcelona, I was totally taken in by the city of Barcelona - and I also find myself planning to go there while in Europe in June.
Now, after watching Nine, I find myself wanting to go to Milan or someplace or other in Italy.

I am weak-willed and easily swayed, it seems. Heh.



But Nine was, for me, all kinds of wonderful, Partly cos of the exuberant song and dance routines (okay granted, the songs weren't the best, but I'm a sucker for glamour which the show was filled to the brim with, with postcard-like shots throughout the movie).







And I loved the ending, which I will not divulge here cos I don't want to spoil the ending for those who still intend to catch the show but haven't yet. But go soon though, cos it's run is ending already!! Only the weird times left on weekends (early evening), and it's only shown in the smaller theatres now, not the full-sized ones.

Be Italian
Take a chance & try to steal a fiery kiss.
Be Italian,
When you hold me don't just hold me but hold this.

Please be gentle, sentimental.
Go ahead & try to give my cheek a pat.
But be daring, & uncaring
When you try to pinch me try to pinch me where there's fat!


Be a singer
Be a lover
Pick the flower now before the chance is past


Be Italian
Be Italian
Live today as if it may become your last!

I know you won't.

Major case of earworm, after I heard Carrie Underwood's I Know You Won't on the bus home this afternoon on my iPod.
Might be the tune, which really tugs at my heartstrings. Or might be the lyrics, which the emo shit side of me is always drawn to. We never grow out of emoness, do we.

Everytime I use the word "emo" on myself, I can't help but feel like I'm consciously trivializing the onset of my emotions. I don't know why, maybe it's cos I look back at all that's happened in the past and can't help but wish like hell it could all be attributed to being "just emo" - & young & stupid. I hate looking back, it's like peering into a glass darkly, cos I can't be sure what exactly happened anymore. Time seems to subjectivize my memories, and erode even the most upsetting, traumatizing, fit-inducing bits into a flat, boring blip. I just can't seem to remember, and while I would have given anything years ago when I was wallowing in all my self-made misery to be at this point now, where I've begun to forget - I'm struggling to hold on to anything that would help me reconstruct some of that darkness that I've walked out from. I feel so alienated from that memory now, it could be a storyline right out of a Korean drama and it I couldn't even identify the experience as mine. I'm never happy, am I. I created my own shit, glorified in swimming in it, and refused to be saved. Then now when I am at my safe place, I try to transport myself back to that past cos I feel so cheated that I have forgotten, I feel as if I've trivialized the entire issue by allowing myself to forget. (And I have.)

Maybe I trivialize all of that intentionally. Maybe I did it in the last few years that went by, so that I would be at this point when I'm so disconnected from it all, unconcerned, even. Perhaps "upset" would be the wrong emotion to use in this case to describe my feelings at realizing the extent to which I've forgotten. More like disappointed in myself, cos I've denied the importance of everything in my process of coping and healing. Ohwell. We win some, and we lose some - & hopefully it's not the things that really matter that we lose in our bartering with life.


Maybe I liked the song so much and it's stuck in my head now cos I can somewhat identify with it - or could have, anyway.

I know you don't mean to be mean to me
Cos when you want to, 
you can make me feel like we belong
We belong.


Lately you make me feel all I am, is a back-up plan.
I say I'm done and then you smile at me,
and I forget everything I said.


I buy into those eyes
And into your lies.


You say you'll call, but I know you
You say you're coming home, but I know you




You say you'll call, but I know you won't.






Tonight, I mourn for the me I cannot recreate in my memory, and I feel sad for the me I can sort of remember somewhat muddily and very unfaithfully inaccurately in my head. For, if time were not linear as I was taught in secondary school physics, but is instead, circular, a concept I've been more and more exposed to as I read my lit books - the idea of sequentiality as I know it would not be as it is, and the me I pity for everything I cannot remember might be the me of tomorrow yet again with a different set of cause-effect factors. Cos right now, from my safe-place vantage point, I shudder and am terrified to think of the possibility of ever returning to the darkness and utter despondence of that time, even if it were brought about by something totally different. As much as I try to talk big and act as though I'm free - I think that I am only beginning to realize that I'm living my life in fear of rejection, callousness, and broken promises.


The fall from a little slice of heaven back to earth, is, afterall, going to be that much more painful and difficult to bear.



credits: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jennyterasaki/3637716327/

On the precipice of losing control over my spending

Woe is me!

I just discovered a blogshop that sells bags in all shapes and sizes, and I foresee myself spending more money sooner rather than later :(:(

Seeing how I am quite fed-up with school at the moment, too.

Probably PMS-ing a fair bit at the moment, none of which helps keep my urge to spend ridiculous amounts of money on items I don't really need but instead, just want quite badly.




And really, some people can be so childish. Hello, grow up already? Are we still in primary school?
And, incompetence in any manner annoys me like hell to no end.

Oh, and today is a ridiculously sweltering day. I just checked the weather on google and I am not looking forward to 35deg celsius days the next two days.



Have I said this yet? -I am grouchy grrrrrrrrr

I am slightly superficial

I have written 500 words for the intro of my 2000 word essay, and I am still rather undecided if I should attempt to get up tomorrow morning at the utterly ridiculous time of 7.30am for my Utopias seminar at 10am.

All things considered, I am fairly inclined towards dragging myself out of bed and forcing a cup of coffee down my throat to wake me up somewhat. After all, I have skipped the last 3 weeks of my Utopias seminar and I am actually feeling all sorts of guilty just thinking about it. Guilty, and friggin' frightened cos I don't know what the hell is going on. My intention was to resume attendance for that from week 7 onwards, but I'm not sure if that would cost me my mid-term grade or not.

However, considering the fact that I have another 1500 words of my Pynchon essay to churn out by Tuesday, on top of the 150 word summary I need to produce for my PR issue tracking assignment - I may just stay in tomorrow to get all that work done.

Sigh. I am really rather undecided.


That aside. I just bought myself a new dress from lilypirates, which made me momentarily happy cos it was so much like the dress I was admiring on Serena from Gossip Girl when I was browsing through gossipgirlfashion.net. :)


Ta-dah!!






Isn't it a beauty??

Such a pretty addition to my wardrobe!! *gleeful*
The original piece that Serena wears is a piece from Blumarine's Spring/Summer 2006 collection.
Just a different colour, but the mint green is just as pretty and I'm getting it at just a fraction of a fraction of the original price :) :)



I was stoked for all of 5 seconds then I realised I had to pull some huge-ass stunt for my Pynchon essay and I got all depressed all over again. That, and I also remembered that my cupboard is really and truly bursting at the hinges and got even more mopey. I need to throw out half my entire wardrobe pronto, and I really want to take all my stuff down to the flea to sell off. Sigh. I could just sell my pre-loved stuff online, but I don't really have the time to take photos of my stuff at the moment.. Maybe in 8 weeks' time when all this madness has died down somewhat.


Okay and you know what, I still haven't decided if I should wake up for 10am Utopias tomorrow or not. And I also have not decided if I should get the Aldo stuff or not. Bah.

I am a very distracted (and sleepy) girl.

On one hand, I am trying to hammer out at least some semblance of an introduction for my Pynchon essay - if only to ease my sluggishly frazzled mind a bit.

On the other, I am also veryvery distracted by these items from Aldo which I am contemplating purchasing.





The afternoon heat is sapping away my energy. I can't seem to do either of these very simple tasks.
Urghhh :(

Gravity's Rainbow

My one week of legit break is almost over, and I am really quite screwed considering my workload this semester. I know, I promised to try to not whine in this space, butbutBUT - I can't help it!! My 2000 word Pynchon essay has not even begun to exist at this point as I type all this in, and this is very happily due on Tuesday by the way. I have a grand total of 3 other papers I need to start to work on, seeing how none of my groups are even slightly motivated to start anything, which just means I have to start divvying up parts of the report for each of us to concentrate on. I also have to read 2 books for my utopias class, which I have seemingly neglected over the last month or so, since the mid-term is in week 7, a mere 2 weeks from now. All that aside, I also have to start to read a lot more so that I will have an inkling of what I want to write about for my 2500 word utopia essay, and the 4000 word Pynchon essay that's worth a whopping 50% of my total grade for the class.

ARGH. And Chinese New Year doesn't even seem to be properly past yet!!! Ridiculous.
So much work to do, so little time. I am wondering if this is due to yet another semester of bad planning, or whether it's just that - a f*ckload of work that nevernever ends.

Whatever it is, two things I am absolutely certain of. Firstly, my urge to shop increases exponentially with the amount of work I am facing, and thus the frequency to spend money with a bit more wild abandon. Secondly, the arc of the rainbow shows me that nothing can escape from the forces of gravity; everything that goes up will come down at some point or the other, every tendency toward order will precipitate the onset of a certain kind of disorder somewhere else - the trajectory of the arc of the rainbow tells me that, just like the curve of the Poisson distribution. So what this really tells me is that as I strive to put the shambles of my school life into some semblance of order, this will result in disorder in some other aspect of my life, unavoidably. So I have to ready myself for the onset of chaos cos entropy is the natural state of things, & in the greater scheme of things, there will always be a tendency towards a larger disorder in spite of the little clumps of order that only seem to form some sort of pattern.

AHEAD:

Could one move forward by walking backwards?
Reach the sky by falling down.
Stop time, freeze it
See the world in my crystal ball.
The lamp flickers as I run by
Velvet wings of a bat
Moonshine that turns into sunshine
In the blink of an eye.

I know of someone who used to reach for the stars
Think nothing,
Completing that song in her heart.
Optimism brimming over in a wisp of fairy dust
Caressing, stroking, murmuring a lullaby -

Snap,
the neck of a frightened quail.












Oh, & I know not a very good note to end off with, but happy CNY dear friends :)

"Will you be my Valentine?"

I think Clem reads my blog (even though he never comments), cos tonight we actually went out and did something! It was the best Friday I had in a very long time, and I didn't want to go home. Aw I sound all teenagey all over again, suddenly hahaha.

Valentine's Day after tuition - it was actually a pretty good movie, and I enjoyed it, even though the papers panned it in the review sections. Reminded me a lot of Love Actually, which I watched when I was like what, 16? Funny how V Day  made me all warm & fuzzy over a day I never really believed in outwardly. Of course, I've secretly always sort of wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day, especially when I was single and saw the stream of in-love couples walking in the malls on the day itself. Made me want to get a boyfriend to spend the day with. Now that I'm actually in a relationship and there's actually someone to spend the day with, I never really had any burning desire to celebrate by buying into the whole commercialism of the thing (hence the skyhigh prices of practically anything fit for consumption/enjoyment on every 14 Feb).

Curiouser & curiouser!





But watching movies like that always make me momentarily forget my ire with the mechanism of mass production of culture - Valentine's Day included - and makes me wish I could have a bouquet of flowers delivered to wherever I am with a card asking me: "Will you be my Valentine?"

I never had the chance to say yes.

6 resolutions for CNY to rid myself of dependency

I've been one messed up ball of emotions the past week. The mid-terms took a lot out of me - you know how I don't settle for mediocrity. So I pushed myself like hell, studying as if it were finals. The PR paper went terribly terribly badly, and I got my period in the morning of the paper to top it all off, so I am pissed off with myself there. Slept my entire Wednesday afternoon away, just so I would feel better so I wouldn't disappoint Clem by being not able to go for his steamboat reunion dinner thingy at Crystal Jade.

That all being said and done...
And I'm beginning to hate my dependence on you. I'm trying so hard to not need your constant presence and support, but it's taking so much out of me. This semester, I've been feeling like a fish out of water, what with my heavy new media module-load tipping my academic equilibrium slightly. My parents have been uncommonly agitated and antsy too (and I put that down to them only having one daughter at home to fuss about now), and life in the house has been horrid to the point of unbearable lately. My one comfort is knowing that you'll always be there for me - and when I realise that that's increasingly not possible on school days now, I'm beginning to panic a bit.

Sigh. I sound so self-centred, I hate it. I know that our relationship isn't all about you being here for me and showering me with attention all the time, I know that it's a bit of give and take all the time. I don't really know what I should do from here. This is precisely why I never wanted to get too vulnerable, never wanted to let my guard down at all. I was so stupid about falling into some sort of dependency issue here that has all the qualities of parasitism at the moment: I just can't do this anymore.

I need to tell myself that I don't need you around to walk my hard roads with me - you've got enough on your plate as it is since you begun work. I need to learn to deal with it, to suck everything up and just breathe on my own, and everything will be fine, just like I used to be able to cope. I need to stop looking forward to empty weekends that we both just spend catching on on precious sleep, no more of the irresponsibility of capricious weekend gallivanting, trawling malls and having endless lunches/dinners/suppers, watching movie after movie. I need to stop needing to hear your voice just to fall asleep - I need to be able to put myself to sleep without anyone's help. I need to stop all this bullshit because I hate feeling helpless and weak.


So some resolutions I have made that should help me be in more control of my life again:
1. I will not press you to talk to me night after night anymore, when clearly all you want and need is sleep. A simple, short "good night" will suffice.
2. I will not look forward to having fun on weekends again, when clearly all you want and need again - is to catch up on rest. I will, instead, channel all my energy into my work, as it should have been from the start anyway.
3. I will not let you buy anything for me ever again, simply because I don't think I should be letting you waste your money on me and my indulgences.
4. Whenever I feel like crying (like now, actually), I will not hurry to pick up my phone and dial your number anymore. I must deal with my own emotions because I can.
5. I will not tolerate bullshit from anyone anymore, including too-nice attempts to be nice to Toadette - because I will not be a hypocrite and try to be nice to someone I clearly do not like for very many reasons. I do not like people who wallow in their own self-pity and insecurities, because I hate it when I do it myself and I expect you to hate it of yourself too. Everyone is, after all, insecure and broken to large extents, so I'm starting to be weary of your thinly veiled attempts at sympathy/attention/sheer stupidity and retardedness, playing the "oh look at me I'm so insecure" card. Enough bullshit. Reason, yes. Excuse, no - sorry. If you want me to go on and elaborate about why I think I'm "broken", go read my previous blog.
6. I will spend all my energy being a nerd, finishing up all my reading and beginning on any of my 3 reports. That way, I won't bug you.




Looks like a cheery list of CNY resolutions. I clearly have issues and I clearly have not grown out of my emo-ness. HA.

If you can't fix it... don't break it.

I DO NOT FEEL LIKE STUDYING FOR PR AT ALL.

Bahhhhhhhhhhhhh :( :( :(
I'm doing every single thing 'cept study. I'm not the student I used to be.

How numb I am beginning to feel.

I must keep at this with dignity & grace,

even though everything seems so bleak & bland.

It's always the hardest on the eve.

Down the rabbit hole I go..

Clem has said that I do nothing but whine lately in my posts, so I shall try not to do that this time round.
Believe me, I didn't intend to do nothing but complain! It's just that the last week or so has been an insane rush for me, what with the sudden realization of the not one but two mid-terms were about to beset me, and the panic brought about by the beginning of all my projects. I was and am overwhelmed, majorly. And even now, I'm blogging on stolen time, seeing how I'm so frightfully behind on my studying for both mid-terms, both within a day of each other (wtf rawr).

Having had a tumultuous weekend, I find myself coming out of it bruised, scarred, and limping. I said many many hurtful things I should have, and in return, have heard many other hurtful things hurled back at me. I saw someone snap a plastic pen in a flash of rage, felt unwanted and unloved for the first time in a longest time ever. Nonetheless, with the weekend fast behind me, I turn to face the oncoming week. Bring it on, I say. Hurl everything you've got at me, you'll find that it all won't suffice to break me. (Oh gosh am I tempting fate?)


Sometimes, I forget what it's like to not be ambitious, to not keep wanting to achieve and attain and shine. I'm addicted to that, the feeling of accomplishing something, anything. It all drives me to keep pushing myself, harder and harder - and it makes the failure all the harder, too. That's not even to say I'm some superstar achiever or anything like that, far from it. I guess I'm just doing all I can to stave away mediocrity, which I detest. It's the same principle as my decision to only wear fricking high heels, or else - flats. I don't wear kitten heels or anything less than 4 inches; I don't do in-betweens very well. Yes I know, this is something I've repeated to death already, but it's something I cling on to ever-so-tightly. That being said, I have a million things I want to do, and I daresay now's the right time to get them all done with my can-do attitude at the mo'. I reckon I'll be deflated in a couple of days - just a regular blimp on my schedule if you know what I mean, so now's the time, more than ever.

I've got manymany books to read, a blogshop to re-open, and my body to lick back into shape.
So down the rabbit hole I go, not knowing what waits for me at the end of the long fall.

epic fail day

It's a Thursday night, I am studying for my mid-terms, and I am kinda sick of stating the obvious. Now it suddenly becomes clear again to me why I chose to major in literature and not new media: the mugging is something I abhorred and abhor.

I do not think successful people in advertising can tell me the 4 key components of the marketing and promotions process model - nor do I think I will be able to tell you that come May after I no longer have any use for such information. But I have to try to squeeze all of this into my brain before Tuesday, and I'm a bit skeptical about how it's gonna happen.


Why is it that we're always stuck doing what we ought to and not entirely what we want? Is that a condition of life per se, hence I am making entirely too big a fuss over nothing, really - or is that something that shouldn't be? I can't decide, just as I cannot decide how I should best slay this huge dragon which is the business of studying for my mid-terms next week.

Mid-terms in week 5 are, by the way, an entirely ridiculous affair on several counts. "Mid-term" suggests the middle of the term. The term, being 13 weeks long in total, would have as its mid-point somewhere between weeks 6 and 7. Because week 5 does not in any way fall within that week 6-7 window, I therefore conclude that labelling such stupid tests as "mid-terms" is a falsification and therefore, the notion should be rejected due to its illogicity. Damn if only NUS could read this train of thought. More stellar than any of my efforts at mugging have been thus far, I must say.

Speaking of stellar - today was a spectacularly epic fail day. I woke up late, rushed to get to school on time, realised I forgot to bring my wallet, fell asleep in front of the tv of Clem's living room while I was supposed to be getting ready for my first run this week. I am an utter failure today, and today was shiteous. May tomorrow be everything today wasn't. Thankyou.


I am going to plop on my bed to read the remaining 10 pages of chapter 2 of advertising. I am hoping that a change of location would help this dismal endeavour somehow. Something tells me I'm neglecting PR, btw. ROAR.

I think I've hit my quota of the sem for retarded year 1s.

I have some major issues in my life. And I am only beginning to face up to them, one by one, painfully.

I think it's time to face up to the fact that... I am addicted to shopping. I am fricking addicted!!! I shop and shop and shop for nothing in particular, and it's not even as if I can wear everything I buy right now. I keep telling myself that I'm buying this dress for work, stocking up, you know, that sort of thing. But obviously, when I actually start working, I'll shop for a whole new wardrobe all over again anyway. So, what the hell am I doing?! Sigh. Bonitochico is seriously one money-sucking blackhole. I cannot cannot keep checking for new collections - cos everytime they launch, I get stuff. I just spent $85.50 on 3 items, and I am eyeing another 4 items. Royally screwed right. How, I need to control myself. And throwing myself into work isn't helping either cos I'm so distracted. Maybe I should disable my internet.


I also think it's time for me to realize that school has finally started, horrible fact of life that may be. I seem to be deluded in my attempts to evade anything school related, and I find myself suddenly thrust into the horrifying fact that next week is week 5, and I have two bloody mid-terms next week. LIKE HELLO, SCHOOL JUST BEGUN. :( :( :( :( :( :( And I discover to my horror x20 that I have a 2000 word essay due in 3 weeks' time, just after CNY. Why am I such a horrible student this semester? I have zero motivation, zero drive, zero anything. I just want to while my life away at home in bed. Speaking of bed. I haven't had enough of my beloved bed since wretched school begun. I hop out of bed at 720am (lately I've been bad at that but that's just temporary I promise), and hop back into bed only past 12am most nights. Like tonight. I'm staying up doing random things like downloading sound card drivers hoping hoping hoping that sound will be restored on my lappie. I need to get the sound up by the week after CNY for the 2nd Life tutorial I'm supposed to attend then. I absolutely REFUSE to go back to sch to sit in the computer lab like a pathetic fool just so I can attend my 2nd Life tutorial. I will even attend it without sound FROM MY HOME if I have to, just have to muddle along and pretend I have sound or some shit.


And today I met this supremely annoying ignorant year 1 English Language major. Such a prick omg. He said to me rather casually: "I heard you EN majors have it so much easier than us EL majors."


WTF!!!!!! Like seriously are you a nitwit?!


I don't go around telling that to TS majors, nor do I do that to EL majors. We're supposed to be "one big happy family" in the English Language and Literature Department, you dimwit!!!! Obviously, this poor chap is not going to last very long for very well in NUS, being such a dullard and downright dumb. But I was seething at his trite comment! Felt SO MUCH LIKE SOCKING HIM. First violent tendency in 2010 woohoo. Sweetheart, your preconceived notion of more difficult = better is sadly sadly outdated, and belongs in the attic. Furthermore, you're a puny year 1, so it does come across as fairly presumptious when you claim such things fecklessly. What do you know of how "easy" literature is? Especially when you follow your comment with something so appallingly DIM: "I don't like literature cos I don't like to think of stories as literature, as being written by someone." What bloody stage of pre-pubescence are you stuck in? Why do you still assume that stories just happened, that no one had to make them up? Sigh.


DUMBASS.



My driver is still downloading. Sigh. I need to sleep soon so I can wake up early. Gotta crack that advertising text open for the first time this entire sem.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

3 weeks into the semester and I'm both loving and hating it. I never have a simple reaction to any one thing, & it's pretty annoying, I must admit. But school... Ah. I have such a love-hate relationship with school and studying, I don't even know where to begin! I absolutely abhor travelling to school on the 857-151 bus route in the mornings at 8.30am, detest waking up at 7.30 in the morning, do not like trudging to school for just that 1 or 2 hours - I like to pack my days so I get the most out of them. I am starting to panic over the amount of reading that's piling up: Pynchon is an absolute bitch to read, and I'm a bit worried (okay understatement there) about what I'm even gonna write for my 1st essay on that. Not too worried about utopia & dystopia, rather enjoying it, really. But the NM modules are posing a bit of a worry to me cos of the massive projects they involve. I'm never the best at project work. :(

Mondays are my most exhausting days cos I'm in school from 10am-8pm, then Tuesdays come close on the "tiring" scale with 10am-4pm back-to-back classes. Wednesdays and Thursdays are the what I hate the most cos I only have a lecture from 10am-12pm on Weds, and beat this: a 2pm-3pm tutorial slot on Thursday. WTF RIGHT.

Sigh I have to go start cooking the purely experimental olive fried rice for the potluck I was supposed to be at tonight. I didn't mean to just whine in this post today, but I have no time for anything else, but.

I am also very irritated with my computer's seemingly non-existent sound card. This has meant I have not watched Gossip Girl, Big Bang Theory, or ANTM since last November/December, nor have I listened to any songs from my iTunes. Majorly irritating, but I have to do something about that real soon. Before the really dumb 2nd Life tutorial I'm gonna have to attend in Feb for one of my NM modules. 

May 2010 be as beautiful as 2009 has been.

HAPPY 2010 TO ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE WHO'RE READING THIS RIGHT NOW! :)

Kinda belated, but it's never too late for well wishes, I've been told. :)
2009 was an eventful year in more ways than one, and I wouldn't have traded any of what my year was for anyone else's experience of 2009. I got to travel with Clem my love in the US of A and Canada, experience living life all by myself in a totally different environment, really touch and walk through snow, and live through winter, take a road trip up the East coast of Canada from Guelph to Quebec city and back again, suffer through a painful semester of harsh NUS academic reality, get proposed to way beyond my wildest most romantic dreams.

No siree, wouldn't trade any of these for the world. Not even the countless screaming matches I had with my parents, cos all of those just made me all the more self-aware and made me realise my own faults more than anything else. I'm bad as well as quick tempered, hugely annoyingly hyperbolic when I'm hopping mad, and I do recognise my propensity for petulance and my-way-or-the-highway sort of behaviour. I'm selfish - try as I may not to be, very messy and careless, and have a huge weakness for buying new clothes, shoes and bags every so often.

You may be wondering why I've chosen to write about my own irrepressible awfulness for my 1st post of the new year - but I'm not sadistic nor am I pessimistic about my upcoming year, given my million and one personal faults. Rather, what I am doing now is acknowledging myself for who I really am, and with that knowledge, try to behave contrary to my natural tendencies in the upcoming year. I'm not saying I'll be a changed person just by wanting to be, but I do want to not be so horrid a person, that I really do.

I want to be less mean-spirited, critical and petty. I want to be more giving, loving, and generous. I do not want to live my life constantly disliking something or someone or the other - it's a painful way to live life. Hate only consumes oneself, it does nothing to the person you hate on. The head knows but the self finds it difficult to stop hating and keep loving.

I want to be more driven in my schoolwork because I know there's so much more I can offer. I was determined not to languish in pathetic second-lower class honours mediocrity, and I still am - though I am tending towards resignation of my undeniable lackadaisical academic standing. This upcoming sem, I will write my Honours Thesis on the function of fantasy in children's literature, and I am absolutely determined not to shortchange myself with my laziness. I will be disciplined in my reading and writing, and I will begin tomorrow.

I also want to clear out all the junk in my room and sell off the clothes in my wardrobe I no longer wear. Even if I only make 10 bucks per piece, I wouldn't mind. My messy room is really killing me, clutter is making me feel suffocated.


Last but not least, I am fricking determined to finally get into shape. 2010 will be the year when I am no longer lethargic, flabby, and fat. I've been running and going to the gym 5 out of the last 7 days, and I feel so much better and more alive at this point. It's more than just vanity that makes me want to exercise, though I have to admit that wanting to keep my figure is a huge motivator. I need my mind to learn discipline and tenacity for my final year in uni - I cannot let myself leave university with nary a fizzle come December 2010.

May 2010 be as beautiful as 2009 has been. :)
I'm a very blessed girl.

My December thus far, summarized.

The past few weeks since exams ended have been a non-stop whirlwind of activity. I am appalled and surprised, given my sedentary nature.

For the sake of remembering what it was exactly that kept me occupied this December, I will try to recall my days here in this blog. It's hard though, cos it seems to be a special property of December when every day seems to blend into each other, leaving me in one big happy blur of festive cheer and excitement.

3-7 December

I spent 4 days with Clem doing everything ranging from movie-marathoning to suppering and shopping. I also spent the 7th packing for the KL trip, which I did very haphazardly and quickly cos I came home late that night.

8-12 December 

KL was beset by a clan of Angs! :D Flew off to KL in the morning of the 8th and we hit the shops and the food non-stop til we left on the evening of the 12th. It was also my first time in a Malaysian club and I think the Zouk in Singapore pwns the one in KL, anytime. Most boring club I've ever been to in my life. Shopped, ate and spent time with the cousins and Clem, which was probably the best part of the entire 5 days. I like these big family trips, makes me relive my childhood spent with so many people surrounding me.

On the way from the airport to KL itself!

Yellow-table restaurant with super good food.

Salted egg calamari (I liked the salted egg a lot heh), shellfish, satay...

Abriel: RIBENA HUP! :D

Ribena flavoured muachee which was damn hup la.

Where I had the best Peking duck & sio ba in my life.

Just thinking of it makes me want to fly back there pronto!

One of our many feasts!

My very lovely family and boyfriend :)

I'll do a separate post for that soon when I have time to sort through all the photos!

But for now, these will do :)

13 December

I spent this miserable day at home in bed with a very bad bout of cramps.

Was supposed to be helping out for confirmation mass, but I couldn't even get out of bed.

14-15 December

Then off I went to Malacca with Clem, and Tri & Andy! Had such a good time with the bestie and the boyfriend, what more could I want or need? :) Ate a motherload of food, we had something like 5 meals a day. Heh. The hotel we booked was really pretty to boot, was a Peranakan place.

Watched Princess & the Frog too for like half the price it would have been in Singapore.

Some pictures just to sort of remember the gist of the two days:

The view from the other room!

The satay steamboat thingy we had.

Super good at first, but damn jelat after a while!

Fricking good chendol but I think we got ripped off. RM3 bloody hell.

The view of Malacca from the top of the hill of the ruins of the church.

How cool are we, we actually found the night market that the locals frequent.

And we ate ourselves silly. :)

16 December

Went to church with Clem for his Jam with the Lamb session before heading to Timbre to meet up with the CNM girls - Praise, Eunice, Maryanne. I got there too late and they were about to leave already, but that didn't stop Clem and I from staying on to enjoy EIC and some buffalo wings. Hehe.

17 December

Clem's family day - his cousin got married, and it was an all-day affair!

18 December

Went down to school for my first HT meeting with Susan Ang. Was fricking nervous at first but turned out all right :) Was also very re-affirmed by her faith in my intelligence heh.

Came back home and went for a movie with the family.

19 December

Lunched with Clem near his place and went shopping for some of the picnic items for Monday.

Dropped by Timbre in the evening to see Shaun and the guys, before heading off for Geylang tau huey.

And, damn suay, got fined $70 for parking illegally. First time in like 2 years it's happened.

20 December

Went to Marcus's place for a little steamboat cum drinking get-together with some of the lit hons people.

Didn't get to take pics on my cam, so I hope some of the other pics taken find their way to fb soon! Heh.

21 December

CLEM PROPOSED TO ME TODAY.

This definitely deserves a separate post, but I am officially engaged. :) :)

The pretty lilies Clem surprised me with when he came to pick me up :)

22-23 December

The 22nd was spent going down to town to resize my ring and trying frantically to retrieve my exam results via all possible avenues. Finally found out that it was cos owed NUS money. Fricking irritating.

Clem and I also watched Avatar in 3D! :) Really cool stuff there!

The 23rd was spent going down to NUS to pay my stupid bills. Had damn good char kway teow at Ghim Moh market (1/2 queue!!)

Came home and dinnered with Tri dear before heading off to town again to pick up some last minute shopping. I think I also cleaned my room while Tri came over in the afternoon to study.

24 December

Christmas eve!!

Woke up late and spent the afternoon running around the house wrapping presents and cleaning my room. (So random, I know) Went for 9pm Mass cos Clem heard Fr Joe was coming back. But I don't think I like 9pm Mass very much, it just doesn't really feel like Christmas then.

Dropped by Samantha Neubronner's place for Clem's Acts II party, then off we went to Shaun's for the usual Christmas eve hang out. No pics cos I was so demoralized upon finding out that my card reader is not compatible with Windows 7. :( I really need to get one that's Windows 7 compatible ASAP.

25 December

It's Christmas Day!!

Full family day!

 Dragged my carcass out of bed for tea at my dad's side and gift exchange at 3pm.

Rushed over to mom's side for fabulous home-cooked dinner.

26 December

Met up with Denise, Tim and Andy for ice-cream at Udders in the afternoon.

Went for evening Mass then went to Justin's place for the ZJ Christmas party.

Clarke Quay-ed with the guys after that, went to a couple of bars and drank myself somewhat silly. Was spouting nonsense by the time I got home at 4am.

27 December

It's Angs' Day today! It's an annual thing my family has where some branches of my extended family come together to play games and eat for a day. Played games like coconut bowling, bucketball, badminton, and table-tennis. It was Clem's first time there this year! No pics cos I looked horrendous with just 4 hours of sleep last night. Hah.

So that pretty much sums up my December so far. Some of the days deserve separate entries and photo collages, but I have not time or energy to do either at the moment. Also, my computer is not co-operating with me especially after I upgraded to Windows 7. Programmes that I have become so reliant on like Photoshop and Picasa have to be reinstalled. And my WoW!!!!!!! :( :( :(

I am sad that December is fast coming to a close, cos looking back, it's been the fullest month of my entire year. The rest of the year save for the May-June-July break, I have practically no life. Shows how dedicated a student I am. Heh.

I am bushed. I will go sleep now.

The Rainbow Connection

Why are there so many songs about rainbows?
& what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions.
Rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told & some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait & see.
Someday we'll find it,
The rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, & me.

Who said that every wish would be heard & answered,
When wished on the morning star?
Someone thought of that,
& someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing
& what do we think we might see?

Someday we'll find it,

The rainbow connection

The lovers, the dreamers, & me.

All of us under its spell,

We know that it's probably magic

Have you been half-asleep,

& have you heard voices?

I've heard them calling my name.

Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?

The voice might be one & the same.

I've heard it too many times to ignore it,

It's something I'm supposed to be.

Someday we'll find it,

The rainbow connection.

The lovers, the dreamers & me.

So the sun rose today and everything seemed much better when I got up. Although, I did get up with a terrible tummyache and headache cos I only managed to fall asleep past 2 last night :/

Popped a panadol and a bottle of po chai pills after breakfast hoping I'd feel better after. Dad drove me to school and I felt like crap in the car. Felt like puking. Ugh. Dunno why also. I arrived in school feeling royally screwed cos 1) I felt shitty and 2) I felt like I didn't study at all in the last 1.5 weeks I spent (wasted, more like) at home. Paper was rather easy, to my surprise, but my glee didn't last long when it hit me that everyone would probably find it easy too. Delayed reaction today heh.

But all that whining aside. EXAMS FOR THIS SEM ARE OVER!! *rubs hands in glee*

Headed to town to meet Clem immediately after I got everything I needed done on campus (ie after I summoned the courage to collect my Forman things - which didn't turn out badly at all by the way :D) We movie marathoned today in our bid to usher in the beginning of the December revelry. Watched Couples Retreat then Ninja Assassin (which was super gory omg). Today was also a day of fantastic food. Tried out the Sakae teppenyaki at Cineleisure, and had The Hand Burger for dinner, which was totally fab. Clem has pics on his phone, so I can't post any thing up. But it was goooooood :)



Okay I shall go to bed soon. Viola's parcel arrived for me today but one item was missing >:( I dunno if she forgot, or if she purposely did it this way cos her stocks are kept in different places or something. Whatever it is, I've emailed her and I hopehopehope she sends my other dress on too. If not, $28 bucks gone, just like that. Sigh. First missing item shopping at BC - definitely NOT a pleasant experience. On one hand, I don't want to be a difficult customer, on the other, I am quite disappointed cos I did pay for my things.

I DON'T EVEN WANT YOUR STUPID MONEY ANYMORE.
I HATE YOU.

DO YOU EVEN CARE THAT YOU'RE RUINING MY STATE OF MIND FOR MY EXAM TOMORROW?
NO, OBVIOUSLY NOT.



GO FLY A BIG KITE.
JUST GO.

10-0

I just had a run in with my parents over the most retarded thing ever. Once again, I am extremely disappointed by how all this has turned out - on the eve of my final paper no less. Bravo for bad timing and utter disregard for anyone else.

Superbly timed I must say.


10-0 to the parents this time round.



I think that it's actually sad that I've spent most of my life not wanting to grow up to be like you. Almost a tragedy, actually. Almost, but of course, it wouldn't really matter would it.