'Tis been long, since I last checked into this space.
That's not to say that nothing has been happening - on the contrary! I've been so immensely busy, that I've hardly had time to myself, to do any me things. And with all that's transpired, I believe I'm gonna get a lot busier once August comes round.
Part of me savours the intermittent freedom I have now, to do what I like to do. But a bigger part of me wants to do so much more with my waking hours, life is just too short to waste away wishing for the weekend to come.
I am not naïve; I do not think it's always possible to change the system you're in, to right all the wrongs you see staring blatantly back at you. (Believe me, as much as I would like to, à la Katniss from The Hunger Games, to tear down the existing system that breeds inequality, stand as a symbol of rebellion, etc... This just doesn't happen in real life. True story.) There's a time and place to do all that, now's just not my time to attempt that. Maybe one day, when I've done enough to back my views.
Hence, I find that I have no choice but to walk away. Maybe not to someplace better, that much I will never know, I admit. But at least, I know what doesn't work here, and I've given it a fair enough chance, I think.
Maybe I'm talking in circles a bit here, but all will be clearer in a few weeks, when my hands and tongue are no longer tied.
Self-awareness is one of my strengths, and I usually know when I've had enough. I've also always prided myself on doing what is necessary, and more recently, not letting myself languish and wallow in extended bouts of self-pity. That was a tough lesson to learn, but I think I've learnt it well enough, thank you. So now, I'm all too aware that I'm slowly but surely losing my lustre, becoming increasingly dull and bitter with things I cannot change, and indelibly restless in spite of all the free time to pursure my personal interests.
Ultimately, maybe I just need to feel like I've earned my bumming rights, not have it handed to me on a silver platter every day whether I need it or not.
So, full steam ahead for the next leg of my journey!
Keep your feet ready
Heartbeat steady
Keep your eyes open
Keep your aim locked
The night goes dark
Keep your eyes open
