I suck at waiting

In the aftermath of AYD 2010, I find myself just sitting around, waiting for something to happen.
Waiting for my internship with Women's Weekly to begin, waiting for interviews to materialize, waiting for a job offer.

And I am not good at waiting.


I feel so restless waiting for news, so vulnerable, cos my fate lies outside my own hands. The knowledge that I've done everything I could and now, whatever happens is outside my control, is not easy to stomach, nor is it easy to live with. Every day I spend doing nothing feels like a day wasted, and yet I know that I should be savouring my days of freedom because I'll have my entire life to work away anyway. Post-exam freedom hasn't felt like I thought it would, in part perhaps cos I was so busy with AYD over the weekend. Then sent SPH magazines some writing samples yesterday, and can only wait with bated breath for good news.

A large part of my nature dictates that I put my chances at success down before anything else, so that if and when it really does turn out badly, I'll already be mentally and emotionally prepared for it. It's tough living like that though, cos I never imagine the best - always the worst. And this keeps my mood very subdued a lot of the time. I'm trying to change though, cos living under a constant black cloud of failure can't be healthy for anyone. So I'm allowing myself some leeway to imagine and hope for the best, tempered with a large dose of reality that there's this huge possibility that things won't go as planned or hoped for.

Some happier memories to help me sit through this period of waiting and hoping and praying, coming up!
Had the chance to slip out for a bit a while back while I was studying for my last exam to catch Harry Potter with Tri!! We were anticipating it for the longest time ever - and now we're anticipating the last movie more than ever hahaha. :D I miss my best friend, haven't seen her in a while! (If you're reading this, call me okay!! I don't know when you're home so I don't dare call lest I disturb!)

We were waiting very eagerly for our food after our harrowing drive through busy Orchard Road on a Saturday night!! Dinner at Fish & Co at the Heeren. 

My calamari ring :)

Super cheesy fish and chips - too jelat even for me!

Yes I actually ate this. Wish it had been more deep fried though.

I was munching on some popcorn - hence my hamster face hee

Woohooo Harry Potter!!!!!! 

We're such little girls at heart <3

Gonna go play some Sims now with the boyf before we head off for evening Mass. 

Enjoy post-exam life!!

**Edit:

OFTD

unique cut out top from Agneselle

black straight cut jeans from Mango

dusty lavender ballet flats from New Look 

Dear God,

My prayer for tonight and for many many nights to come has to be:
Close all the doors that need to be closed, and open the one that needs to be opened.

The last paper of my entire undergraduate life is in roughly 40 hours' time.
After which, I'm setting off into the great unknown as a Economically Viable Member of Society - which means that if I'm not earning any income, I will be a blemish on Singapore's GDP calculation.
(Trust me, I don't intend to stay that way for long, too many people would be horrified at the lack of productivity of a university graduate)

However, after my two-month internship with Women's Weekly ends in February, it remains an undeniable fact that I am unemployed. Ergo, I am not contributing to the economy, ergo, I should be ashamed of myself.

Honestly, I have no idea what the future holds for me in terms of job prospects. I've been knocking on locked doors and perhaps it's time to recognize the fact that these doors are locked, and that I don't have the keys to unlock them for the time being, and that it's time to move on to try other doors. My pride's not allowing that decision to be made easily though, and I'm still hoping against hope that somehow this will work out.

But you know, at the end of the day, I can only knock on those doors for so long before my knuckles become raw and bruised. And they're halfway there, I daresay. It's full concentration on exam prep for the next 24 hours or so, before I give it my all for two hours in MPSH6 and then bid my undergraduate life farewell and turn to face my future squarely in its uncertain entirety.

Am I scared? Hell yeah.
But do I hope? That's all I have left to cling on to.

Hope & faith on this day

In the midst of all the words, there's always space for more, it seems.

Just when I thought I'd given up on this semester, I received news today that things may not be as lost as I thought they were, praise God! I just shouldn't get my hopes up too high since it really ain't over til the fat lady sings. But today, I shall float on my sampan in this little lagoon of hope and feel buoyed by the waves of optimism that lap gently at my feet. I'll start to worry about my upcoming exam, my unpreparedness for AYD, and the uncertainty of my future from here later, but for today, I will just leave all these aside and be properly and for once, be roundly grateful for being so blessed.

Count your blessings, they say - and I've never really done that in recent times. I've always been whining, always been complaining, always been moping. Once in a while, some things happen to make you really want to crawl into bed and never want to come out again, and you go to bed moaning about how unfair life is and how life sucks shit. This sem has been like that practically the entire way, with dismal job prospects (ie. joblessness) and lousy academic performances all-round. The past 14 weeks have seen me on more emotional lows in a row than in most other past sems. But well, after everything's been said and done and the dust has settled a bit, it's time to focus on what's ahead and just move on. And muddle around in the dimness of uncertainty.

Alrighty I'm done with musing. No pictures today cos I haven't taken any recently. 

Heading out in a bit to just walk around in town with no specific objective. How long has it been since I last did that!

Life post-thesis!

In the last two weeks since I last blogged, I've cleared two items off the list of four datelines I had to meet!
Thesis was the major hurdle jumped this semester so far. Now, I have just two more essays to write, before I face my final exam of my NUS life, and leave my undergrad life foreverrrr!

Need to get my head down and write my European essay by Thursday and then get started on the ideology one.

It's rather distracting though, cos I've been trying to do some job hunting / own article researching in the interim, PLUS, I'm still dizzy-headed from the knowledge that my thesis has been handed in and is history. I kinda know that it's gonna garner a lousy grade, but at this point I'm just too tired to care about something that's out of my control already. :/

Alrighty I shall get down to these in order of importance:
1) European essay
2) Ideology essay
3) Own article research
4) Set up fashion blog that is supposed to function as a portfolio
5) Send out freelance writing emails
6) Look for THE job



In the meanwhile, here're some backdated pics of my first outing to Orchard in a month last week, ever since I began to overhaul my sorry ass of a thesis.

This is what happens when you watch too many eps of ANTM back to back: 

You keep trying to sell products in your pictures.

Steak sandwich with caramelized onions and mustard!

Chili crab pasta that tasted pretty punchy, but the soft shell crab wasn't deep fried enough imo :(

OFTD: 

laced top from Hollyhoque

black bandage skirt from New Look

bag from Tianfenlan