I wish I had facebook!

While I wait for facebook to be activated at 1pm today so that I can access my pictures over Christmas, here're some lovely pics of what's caught my eye off Lanvin's Spring 2011 collection shown at Paris Fashion Week:

 
 
 


What I love about this collection:

1) The leather details and metallic embellishments that up the cool factor to phenomenal levels
2) Alber Elbaz's choice of colour palette for his collection: beeswax yellow, silver cloud, and slightly less conventional spring colours like navy, teal and deep vermillion. So pretty.
3) Simple silhouettes that look so wearable!


I need to be on the lookout for pieces that I can get at pocket-friendly prices that look as though I took them off the runway. Never in a million years will I ever be able to afford labels such as these. I have lovely dreams of what I'll do with my first pay packet (which isn't even close to coming since I'm still officially unemployed) - most of them have got to do with wanting to buy meals for people and right on top of that list is to buy myself a Blackberry.

Elie Saab amid the sea of bitchiness

I dunno if it's cos I'm working at a women's magazine that's making me more conscious about fashion (okay maybe not, since I've always been fascinated by it) - but it's definitely cos reading up on the latest fashion styles right off the runway has become part of my work that's made me infinitely more into it than ever. Dressing up each day is part of the fun of working here! I don't have to adhere to the normal stringent rules of workwear, which is super fun :) But since my style's naturally more inclined to the classic lady-like look and I like to look classically sophisticated, my work wardrobe for now still consists of plenty of flattering shift dresses and curve-hugging pieces. The boho-chic look is one that I admire seeing on celebs but it's ultimately not really me, so I don't bother trying to put together outfits like that. This spring, I'm particularly liking Elie Saab - his flowy dreamy dresses are to-die-for, and I'm absolutely in love with his choice of colour palette. Lovely coastal blues and peachy oranges look surprisingly good together, with nude hues of silver peony and silver cloud holding swatches of colour together. Love love love! Some of my favourite pieces from Elie Saab's showing at Paris Fashion Week:

 

 

 

 

Sigh so dreamy and pretty! Need to find a place to wear these - there's no place for such whimsy here. Maybe on my twice-yearly holidays from next year onwards!! More to look forward to :)

In the midst of all the petty bitchiness surrounding me, I'm trying hard to keep my spirits up and not be sucked down to the level of all the insecure people who have to call everyone lower than them (by "everyone" I  mean only the interns actually - so that's saying a lot about the standing of these badmouthing meanspirited people) "dimwits" or "bitches". Okay. I will not engage, I will not engage, I will not engage. I'll try to be nice cos kindness is only truly kindness when displayed in the face of vehemence. Poisonous vehemence, I might add - all over little petty things like stationery (wtf right) and the need to wield any form of power over anyone. Why resort to being so furtively mean and explosive?? Gah. I went to bed last night extremely perturbed, and got up feeling so unrested. But I need to be secure in my own skin, secure in the knowledge that all these ain't personal. Sure, go ahead and edit my writing (badly, I might add), and let the editor think that I'm capable of writing so amatuerishly. I'll let this slide this once, but the next time you try this, I'll fight back. I'm thinking this is a genuine, well-intentioned mistake, so benefit of the doubt this time. Trying to believe in the good in people here, yo. So shall stop ranting. Cannot stoop to their level, and I'm truly not trying to be condescending here. Struggling though, and every single day I find my eyeballs setting new records in rolling all the way back to my head at the retardness of everything.

But still, I try to show you the respect you crave, if only because you're higher in the pecking order and because you need it so badly to get through your life. As for me, I will see this through with as much dignity and self-respect as possible, and hopefully life will get better with the passing of time.

And. The banality of work she assigns me has reached new lows. Saving high res pictures (100+ of them at that!) is such appropriate work for a graduate whose purpose in coming here was to write and get experience. At least I've got some writing work waiting for me after I finish this *rolls eyes* important thing for her.  

Rather quiet day at work today (read: boring), so I figured that it's time to make good on my promise to try to blog more frequently. Had a really rested weekend so am glad that I could start this work week so fresh and happy :) I'm thinking I might want to start asking around for more beauty/fashion writing, cos all I've done so far are mostly promo pieces which I'm thinking will only be useful if I'm trying to get a job in advertising or copywriting. Um well, beauty/fashion writing will not help me get a job in PR, but I can indulge myself and my interests since I'm working for nothing right. :P

Wanderlust is setting in really quickly and badly. Friends are jetting off for the Christmas season and while I'm so excited for them, I half-wish I could leave the country toooooo. :( Cheryl's gone to Abu Dhabi (OMG!!!!), Trina's just left for HK, Angel&Matt are in Australia.. Such happening Christmases!! But actually come to think about it, the last Christmas I spent out of the country wasn't quite as exciting as I thought it would be. Clem and I spent Christmas 2009 in New York City, and we imagined that it would be oh-so-glamourous, balls of fun etcetra etcetra. As you can probably guess from the way this is going, it wasn't all as cut up as I'd imagined, and I wished I was home with friends and family revelling in lots of warm fuzzy moments and parties. Okay so no more Christmases away from home, I should be happy with my lot.

I hate to jump from topic to topic like that, but exam results are coming out tomorrow!! A part of me doesn't give a f**k anymore, but the part of me that slaved so hard over the semester cares too much and is freaking out at the thought that all this will be over soon. It's funny how things that mattered so much just weeks ago have taken on a different significance so quickly, and I wonder at what really and truly matters in the midst of so many important and significant things that become clutter within a matter of weeks or months. At this point in time, these are the four things that matter most to me - in no order of importance. Perhaps by listing these out, it'll help streamline my whirling thoughts a little.

1) Preparation for my upcoming wedding day and a lifetime of marriage thereafter.
2) Getting my job - which I seriously should have put more thought into before this so that I could have done the relevant internships/research and misc preparation.
3) Spending time with family and close friends since things will surely change in a short 11 months.
4) Putting my spiritual life and relationship with God in the equation at all times.



I honestly can't wait for point 2 to be settled, so that point 1 will be helped along and it'll put me in a much better disposition to work on points 3 and 4. Praying for a miracle to take place and for my job offer to come through by end-Jan. Dear God, please please PLEASE!!!

So it's been two weeks since I started on my internship here - but it feels as though I just started. I'm getting into a comfortable rhythm and think it's time to try to rock my boat a bit and ask for more challenges. Need to maximize my time and experience here and try to sort out thoughts about my future. I'm really not sure what I want to do now, and I keep changing my mind each day. I'm a tad scared cos December is going a lot faster than I thought it would and I'm not any closer to being sure about anything. Sigh. I feel so unaccomplished and pathetic. Need to try not to wallow in self-pity and actually do something, but I'm at a bit of a loss at what I should do :/

Shall try to clear my head over the weekend and recharge myself for a week of hard work before lapsing into a partying frame of mind that Christmas and New Year always puts me in. I am determined to get my immediate future at least of the next year sorted out before January sneaks up on me.

Post-KL road trip

My life seems to be increasingly defined by particular moments/events, and life after Moment/Event A is Post-Moment/Event A. I seem to be unable to blog on a day to day basis when I don't do anything in particular. I shall try to break my habit of blogging Post-Event posts, to encourage myself to think more and find meaning in the banal. After all, I cannot define my life only by its momentous events - they make up perhaps only about 30% of my total life, at most. The other 70% mustn't be neglected just cos they're not special. So while I struggle to do this daily thinking-out-loud on this blog space, do pardon my at-times incoherent thoughts and my often-time ramblings. I apologize in advance for all of that which I fully see myself doing in due time.

Since I came back from KL on Sunday night, I haven't gone to work. No, not because I was too tired, although that did cross my tired mind when I crawled into bed on Sunday night. But cos I spent Monday curled up in bed writhing with the stupid cramps, and the most part of today was spent going for an interview. Work as per usual tomorrow, I foresee a ton of writing to get done when I'm back since I've been away for two days. Sort of can't wait to get right into the thick of things!! But I bet I'll feel so differently when I try to haul my lazy ass out of bed tomorrow morning haha. Oh well.

KL with Clem's supper gang was really fun! Especially since we did different things than the usual shopping-eating that I usually find myself up to my neck in whenever I visit cities. Heck, I've only ever visited big cities I think! Haha! Abseiling, leap of faith, and white water rafting were things I never would have chosen to do if I were to plan my itinerary, but I'm glad I got to do those among hours and hours of eating and getting lost in our car! :) More on that when I get pics from Clem.

I'm feeling a huge need to sort out my wardrobe. I don't know what exactly is in there, and it's making it a lot slower than necessary to get dressed in the mornings cos I just can't decide what to wear. I haven't bought anything online for a week, am feeling so proud of myself!!!! Also, have done up an excel sheet of my accounts and budget for this month. If I stick to it, I'll be sure to celebrate and let you know! :)

Thou shall not complain

Being an intern post-graduation is really tough. On one hand, I relish the challenge of doing something so utterly new, working on a glossy women's magazine and writing little features here and there: fashion and beauty journalism has been something I've always wanted to try but haven't had the chance to - until now. On the other hand, it's hard being the lowest lifeform who has very little monetary incentive (read: zero, actually) and is struggling to earn some form of income to support herself. I'm trying not to complain because truth be told, I do enjoy the work I'm doing every day and I really appreciate the opportunities to write something that is going to be published. The industry is so hard to get into, especially the fashion/beauty journalism I have always dreamed of working in. So I'm taking all the chances I've been given with grateful hands and a positive attitude - although the parental disapproval at my perceived "free labour status" is almost as tough to deal with the fact itself.

Although I'm interning more than working, I'm trying to take this as I would an actual job - making sure I get enough rest every night so that I can do a good job the next day in whatever I'm tasked to do. Hopefully, I'll have something lined up for me once I'm done in Feb, although I'm thinking now that I'd like to take a nice two or three week break after my internship ends before I begin whatever's waiting for me next. I do tire of telling people who ask what I'm going to do now that I've graduated that "I don't know what job I'll end up taking, nothing's certain at the moment" - it makes me question my own abilities. But uncertainty's something I have to learn to embrace, although it's definitely an awkward, uncomfortable pill to swallow.

As for what I've learnt in the last couple of days, I'd say I've learnt the most about being confident enough to not hide in my corner and hope that someone will notice me and say hello to me. There's no place for shyness and aloofness in the office. If you want to be talked to, you have to go talk to people first. I hate it, because I'm naturally reserved and generally pathetic at meeting new people - but it is something I have to learn to do. Especially with all the possible career paths I'm contemplating - journalism, Public Relations.. All of which, ironically, are unforgiving to the reserved who insist on remaining as such.

If I could though, I'd give anything to be a stay-at-home writer. I can write to my heart's content in the comfort of my cosy bed, where my time is flexible and my own, and I can let my imagination run unbridled and the words flow. Ahh. Dreams. We all have them, even at the grand old age of 23.

I suck at waiting

In the aftermath of AYD 2010, I find myself just sitting around, waiting for something to happen.
Waiting for my internship with Women's Weekly to begin, waiting for interviews to materialize, waiting for a job offer.

And I am not good at waiting.


I feel so restless waiting for news, so vulnerable, cos my fate lies outside my own hands. The knowledge that I've done everything I could and now, whatever happens is outside my control, is not easy to stomach, nor is it easy to live with. Every day I spend doing nothing feels like a day wasted, and yet I know that I should be savouring my days of freedom because I'll have my entire life to work away anyway. Post-exam freedom hasn't felt like I thought it would, in part perhaps cos I was so busy with AYD over the weekend. Then sent SPH magazines some writing samples yesterday, and can only wait with bated breath for good news.

A large part of my nature dictates that I put my chances at success down before anything else, so that if and when it really does turn out badly, I'll already be mentally and emotionally prepared for it. It's tough living like that though, cos I never imagine the best - always the worst. And this keeps my mood very subdued a lot of the time. I'm trying to change though, cos living under a constant black cloud of failure can't be healthy for anyone. So I'm allowing myself some leeway to imagine and hope for the best, tempered with a large dose of reality that there's this huge possibility that things won't go as planned or hoped for.

Some happier memories to help me sit through this period of waiting and hoping and praying, coming up!
Had the chance to slip out for a bit a while back while I was studying for my last exam to catch Harry Potter with Tri!! We were anticipating it for the longest time ever - and now we're anticipating the last movie more than ever hahaha. :D I miss my best friend, haven't seen her in a while! (If you're reading this, call me okay!! I don't know when you're home so I don't dare call lest I disturb!)

We were waiting very eagerly for our food after our harrowing drive through busy Orchard Road on a Saturday night!! Dinner at Fish & Co at the Heeren. 

My calamari ring :)

Super cheesy fish and chips - too jelat even for me!

Yes I actually ate this. Wish it had been more deep fried though.

I was munching on some popcorn - hence my hamster face hee

Woohooo Harry Potter!!!!!! 

We're such little girls at heart <3

Gonna go play some Sims now with the boyf before we head off for evening Mass. 

Enjoy post-exam life!!

**Edit:

OFTD

unique cut out top from Agneselle

black straight cut jeans from Mango

dusty lavender ballet flats from New Look 

Dear God,

My prayer for tonight and for many many nights to come has to be:
Close all the doors that need to be closed, and open the one that needs to be opened.

The last paper of my entire undergraduate life is in roughly 40 hours' time.
After which, I'm setting off into the great unknown as a Economically Viable Member of Society - which means that if I'm not earning any income, I will be a blemish on Singapore's GDP calculation.
(Trust me, I don't intend to stay that way for long, too many people would be horrified at the lack of productivity of a university graduate)

However, after my two-month internship with Women's Weekly ends in February, it remains an undeniable fact that I am unemployed. Ergo, I am not contributing to the economy, ergo, I should be ashamed of myself.

Honestly, I have no idea what the future holds for me in terms of job prospects. I've been knocking on locked doors and perhaps it's time to recognize the fact that these doors are locked, and that I don't have the keys to unlock them for the time being, and that it's time to move on to try other doors. My pride's not allowing that decision to be made easily though, and I'm still hoping against hope that somehow this will work out.

But you know, at the end of the day, I can only knock on those doors for so long before my knuckles become raw and bruised. And they're halfway there, I daresay. It's full concentration on exam prep for the next 24 hours or so, before I give it my all for two hours in MPSH6 and then bid my undergraduate life farewell and turn to face my future squarely in its uncertain entirety.

Am I scared? Hell yeah.
But do I hope? That's all I have left to cling on to.

Hope & faith on this day

In the midst of all the words, there's always space for more, it seems.

Just when I thought I'd given up on this semester, I received news today that things may not be as lost as I thought they were, praise God! I just shouldn't get my hopes up too high since it really ain't over til the fat lady sings. But today, I shall float on my sampan in this little lagoon of hope and feel buoyed by the waves of optimism that lap gently at my feet. I'll start to worry about my upcoming exam, my unpreparedness for AYD, and the uncertainty of my future from here later, but for today, I will just leave all these aside and be properly and for once, be roundly grateful for being so blessed.

Count your blessings, they say - and I've never really done that in recent times. I've always been whining, always been complaining, always been moping. Once in a while, some things happen to make you really want to crawl into bed and never want to come out again, and you go to bed moaning about how unfair life is and how life sucks shit. This sem has been like that practically the entire way, with dismal job prospects (ie. joblessness) and lousy academic performances all-round. The past 14 weeks have seen me on more emotional lows in a row than in most other past sems. But well, after everything's been said and done and the dust has settled a bit, it's time to focus on what's ahead and just move on. And muddle around in the dimness of uncertainty.

Alrighty I'm done with musing. No pictures today cos I haven't taken any recently. 

Heading out in a bit to just walk around in town with no specific objective. How long has it been since I last did that!

Life post-thesis!

In the last two weeks since I last blogged, I've cleared two items off the list of four datelines I had to meet!
Thesis was the major hurdle jumped this semester so far. Now, I have just two more essays to write, before I face my final exam of my NUS life, and leave my undergrad life foreverrrr!

Need to get my head down and write my European essay by Thursday and then get started on the ideology one.

It's rather distracting though, cos I've been trying to do some job hunting / own article researching in the interim, PLUS, I'm still dizzy-headed from the knowledge that my thesis has been handed in and is history. I kinda know that it's gonna garner a lousy grade, but at this point I'm just too tired to care about something that's out of my control already. :/

Alrighty I shall get down to these in order of importance:
1) European essay
2) Ideology essay
3) Own article research
4) Set up fashion blog that is supposed to function as a portfolio
5) Send out freelance writing emails
6) Look for THE job



In the meanwhile, here're some backdated pics of my first outing to Orchard in a month last week, ever since I began to overhaul my sorry ass of a thesis.

This is what happens when you watch too many eps of ANTM back to back: 

You keep trying to sell products in your pictures.

Steak sandwich with caramelized onions and mustard!

Chili crab pasta that tasted pretty punchy, but the soft shell crab wasn't deep fried enough imo :(

OFTD: 

laced top from Hollyhoque

black bandage skirt from New Look

bag from Tianfenlan

'Twas here my summer paused:

It's the final lap to the end of the semester, and I've gotta give this my all. 
Conference paper presentation in 7 days.
Thesis due in 14.
Euro lit essay in 21.
Ideology paper in 27.


4 weeks and I'll have crossed the greatest hurdle of my life into the even greater unknown.
Summer may have come and gone, and next summer is beckoning round the corner - but winter always comes in-between two summers. So it's time to buckle down and get ready for the long, tough trek down that slippery slope to next summer.

More pictures from last summer to remind myself of what the next promises.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To Trina, bestest friend in the entire world:

Just as you made my summer that much more lovely,

you made this week so much more bearable with your comforting presence. :)

LYLAS!

'Twas here my summer paused

What ripeness after then

To other scene or other soul

My sentence had begun.

To winter to remove

With winter to abide

Go manacle your icicle

Against your Tropic Bride.

Emily Dickinson