Happiness is reading a fat book tucked into bed with a nice cup of hot cocoa for company :)

I woke up this morning with a horrendous gastric tummy ache and the incessant feeling like I didn't get enough sleep - even though I slept for a good eight-and-a-half hours. Have been feeling like that for a while now, super tired even though I make sure that I sleep for at least seven to eight hours a night. I think I'm becoming old; my previously beloved late bedtimes are not agreeing with me at all now. :(

So anyhow, I've digressed! As I was saying, I woke up this morning feeling positively crummy. I downed two antacids and tried to read my gastric pains away, but they just wouldn't leave me alone. So I had to come downstairs to force digestive biscuits into my stomach in the hope that that would stop the gastric juices from churning. It was a while before it stopped hurting, a while more before it stopped being uncomfortable altogether, and yet even a longer while more before I felt up for eating some sort of a proper lunch. All this while, I was superbly annoyed and dispirited, and thought why does all this happen to me? As the pain ebbed, my mood improved considerably and I found myself enjoying the cool rain breeze coming in from the open back door and munching on my digestive biscuits. I thought to myself: I am actually some sort of happy at this moment! Following from that train of thought, as I was cooking my lunch, I thought to myself: what is happiness?

It struck me then that much as I moan about having to write my thesis, read my articles, and do everything else - I actually do enjoy doing them all, and wouldn't trade what I do for anything else in the world. And much as I moan about wanting this or that or being so unlucky in my lot in life, I am actually pretty much happy and contented at the way things have been going. Happiness is not an airy-fairy value that can only be fulfilled by some big vague Thing that I can never attain - happiness, or my happiness, is often found in the littlest things in my life each day. I shouldn't strive to be unhappy when in truth, I am everything but. I may be frustrated sometimes at the work piling up, or prone to bouts of grumbling at having to work hard to get what I want, but I often ask myself: if I took all that away, would I be much happier? I'd be a lot freer, yes, but happier? I doubt.


Today's happiness came to me as I was lying in bed in the afternoon, tucked in with my nice fat Harry Potter book that I'm reading for my thesis, with a cup of hot cocoa beside me and the wind from the fan tickling my feet. Yesterday's happiness was when I realised how full my future seems to be, especially with the news of my favourable queue number for the Punggol Waterway development and plans for Masters in English Lit in the pipelines. Tomorrow's happiness, I daresay, will be at the point when I hit "save" for the umpteenth time and send my draft to Susan Ang so that I can rest my brain for a bit before starting work again the next day.

I got formspring!

I've just set up a formspring account for who-knows-what-reason! Hee :D

So if you've got any questions for me, go ahead and leave me one at:
http://formspring.me/kellymarieang




Back to reading Harry Potter and Moravia's Contempt!

With all these dusty dreams in the attic

As I sit here trying to come up with a topic for the pretend conference paper I'm to write for my Ideology & Lit class, I find myself thinking about too many other things - so I think to myself: perhaps if I pluck all those thoughts out and breathe some life into them by setting them into words, I can finally sift through all those cotton-woolly nebulous ideas floating around up there so that I can finally write my extract for the class tomorrow. I'm trying to come up with something that sounds remotely academic (how does The Ideological Underpinnings of Harry Potter grab you?) but failing miserably. At the same time, I find myself gravitating towards (muchly premature) thoughts of my upcoming graduation and wondering why I like to shop so much. It would seem that I'm a product of the ideology of consumerism in our society - where more and more material goods are wanted and falsely needed. Maybe I should stop watching shows like Gossip Girl. I always feel the urge to try to dress up even more after bingeing on back-to-back episodes of GG watching. I've also spent the last week applying for internships/jobs in the attempt to have something to look forward to upon graduation in December. I know, it makes very little sense to be applying for bottom-of-the-foodchain intern positions when I should be looking for a job, but this is actually a last-ditch attempt to try to find my way into a journalism job when I leave school. Kinda pathetic perhaps, but whoever said that I could carry a sackful of pride on my back in my hunt for that dream job? Okay perhaps Dream Job is somewhat of an exaggeration, but it's been something I've wanted for the longest time ever, so Long-Time-Yearned-For-Job would probably be more accurate.

No progress whatsoever on the thesis front though, I gotta step up on that by the start of next week! 12000 words of genius will not happen in a day or four.

So unfocused, not funny!

When I enjoy what I'm doing too much, I forget why I'm doing it, and I get lost in the moment of enjoyment.
Take the books I'm reading for my HT, for instance. All the children's fantasy books, all so fun to read!!

I'm currently reading Narnia now, and I superduper love the series!
Gonna shower before tucking myself into bed with the third book of the series :)

Post-Internship Vegetative Thoughts

I spent today thoroughly enjoying my recently earned sense of freedom, doing zip besdes making my usual beauty appointments and finishing up outstanding internship stuff (like my overdue reflection item for the last week, submitting my timesheet for the month of July, and filling in the evaluation forms sent to me).

Tomorrow, I begin my quest to feel vaguely like a semi-attractive young lady again, with my eyebrow and waxing appointments in the morning, and a hair appointment with my stylist in the afternoon. In other news, I have just spent a good deal of my paycheck (which hasn't even come yet) on bonitochico's clothes - I am clearly screwed and I need MORE DISCIPLINE. And more tuition sessions.

In yet other news, I am looking forward to a Friday-only school day this coming semester! :):)
And a postgrad mod with Dee!


I think I am going to enjoy myself tremendously for the next 13 weeks.