The glory and the freshness of a dream:

It is not now as it hath been of yore;—
Turn wheresoe'er I may,
By night or day,
The things which I have seen I now can see no more.

So said the wise William Wordsworth in his poem "Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood". A poem I dug out again in my attempt to piece my thesis together.

The world does seem rosier when I was younger, and I did feel that much closer to immortality then than now. I still do feel invincible, feel as if I'll never die, but I must admit that working on my topic of choice for my thesis has made me think about death and dying a great deal more than before I began. Everlasting life, I know all-too-well, is a myth. Everything becomes a lot more precious when you think about Life in that framework.

Ugh I hate how I've been writing lately. I looked through my blog posts from 2 years back and compare those to the crap I'm writing now, and I'm really sad :(

So much for having matured in my writing/thinking. I only feel all the more boxed in with the passing of years/gaining of experience. Pfft.

My last whine before I shutup.

I'm really dragging lately, I've gotta snap out of this sluggish mood and actually imbibe some of the motivation that's been buzzing around me, snapping at my heels and generally making me feel very pursued. I hate it, I know I should be a lot more on top of things, especially since this is my absolute last sem in NUS. That, plus the fact that I've only got a one-day-school-week. That, in itself, is actually reason enough for me NOT to whine and moan.

I went to bed last night feeling unsettled and generally unhappy with myself. I realised I'm super behind on both my Ideology & Euro Lit mod, so I hastily grabbed my latest Euro Lit book to be read - a book of monologues by Rame & Fo. I read one, "A Woman Alone", before I decided that it was enough, and turned my attention to Lirael that I need to re-read for my HT. Still not getting anything from that front though. I wonder if it's time to abandon that choice and hop on to Le Guin - at least I'm guaranteed scholarly things to say for that.



So blardy dead. :(
And I also need to get my health in order. Been feeling lethargic and all sorts of moody, and I think it's due to lousy sleeping habits and insufficient exercise. Everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I find myself glaring balefully at the horrid reflection: increasingly unruly hair (time to make that hair appt with my hairstylist), zit-infested face (time to find a good derm). My skin is no longer as close to flawless as it used to be, it's now closer to this minefield of blackheads and angry pimples. I'm really depressed.

On the plus side, I just checked out Love, Bonito's latest launch, and I'm really really happy that I didn't see anything that I really liked and had to get. I'm becoming increasingly self-disciplined, hooray! (Could be entirely because I'm becoming increasingly broke as the days go by, with no tuition until last week)


HOKAY enough whining, back to work.

Little things, big things

So bushed even though I've just come out of an extended break (self-declared, since Clem was on his one-week holiday last week and I happily decided to go on holiday too hee)
Could be entirely due to the day spent hacking away at my keyboard doing massive editing to my thesis and adding on bits here and there to flesh out arguments. Really hard work, but I actually enjoy doing stuff like that, weird as it sounds! Just gotta remember to take breaks every hour or so, or my brain sort of just seizes up and refuses to work properly.

Sunday was spent doing ministry at CAYC, and it was a good time, even though I was uber distracted. I'm pretty excited about AYD to be honest, can't wait to see what wonderful things God's got in store for the youths of the diocese! :) Of course, in between then and now, I have my monster 12k word thesis to get done on top of an 8k word conference paper to write. And two mini-essays in-between to churn out, too. The thought of all the work is pretty depressing, and I'm scared, to be honest. But I need to remember to keep my life balanced and in check, and to remember to keep God in the equation, always. I tend to forget what's important when I'm wrapped up in work, I'll try my hardest not to forget this time round.

Time to hit my Word doc again for the next hour before grabbing a quick shower!

I'm in two minds about skipping class tomorrow so I can finish reading my Harry Potter books so I just stop dawdling and start moving really for my thesis. On the other hand, I'm preeeeetty damn sure I'm gonna need to skip a couple of classes later in the semester when I start panicking about the horrendous writing that I'm producing, so I'm not sure it's entirely wise to be skipping so early on with this foresight.

Also, I am not entirely sure what I should wear tomorrow. Oh my. Decisions, decisions.