ALL FEMALE FRIENDS I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!!!

All female friends who read my blog, I need your help in filling out this very short survey for my project due on Thursday (!!!!!!!!) - Yes, I know, I am super last minute and terribleee :(

I'll be eternally grateful. Thank you babes!!

Click here to take my survey :)

Three more weeks, I *think* I can do it?

I really gotta get my act together. The advertising paper is due Thursday and I haven't even begun working on anything. Granted, I'm supposed to compile the entire thing and edit it, but I still actually need to work on the competitor section of the paper and add on to Heather's write-up of Charles & Keith itself. And, Charles & Keith have not replied me. I suspect that the marketing exec who had replied my email doesn't intend to furnish us with the answers to the questions we asked, and as such are behaving terribly inconsiderately by not bothering to reply after I'd emailed her our list of questions that she'd asked for.

And I have to choose the 5 articles for the PR issue tracking project and summarize them by Weds, cos He Wei needs them to write her part.

And, my presentation for tomorrow is atrocious. You have no idea. SIGHH.



It's just three more weeks, just gotta give it all you got.
My insomnia last night is not helping at all. Looks like it's gonna be a long three weeks. :(

The snare of the fowler will never capture me,

I spent the entire day yesterday with my wing and though we didn't do anything special (what's new these days, really haha), I enjoyed every minute of it. Time spent with my wing is so short and such a rare commodity these days.. Makes every minute seem all the more precious and oh-so-fleeting. Guess this busy spell has taught me how to live in the now instead of my habit of living in the past or the future, with my head always filled with thoughts and plans. We had a scrumptious lunch at Sushi Tei, I read some Baudrillard & Lyotard while he napped, we went for Mass, had dinner with his family, watched the latest episode of The Big Bang Theory and one of Gossip Girl (I'm really lagging in my GG watching this season). Mundane things but it didn't matter to me - we could have spent the day peeling beansprouts or shelling peanuts together, and it would still have been just as well-spent.

I hardly see or talk to the boyf during the week now that we're both such busy-bees, but I'm really thankful I have a best friend who cares and still has time for me in spite of  her even more busy schedule, and helped keep me sane throughout last week when I was such a terrible stressed out insomniac. We did small things together that was so reminiscent of our younger days, like sharing a pizza and watching TV as though there were nothing better to do. Watched a week's worth of the silly 7pm Korean drama on Channel U and laughed so hard over Just for Laughs Asia. :P Walked outside for dinner on Friday and played Raving Rabbids on her Wii. All these times with Trina are precious too, and it's heartwarming to know that our friendship is still going so strong after all these long years. Things will definitely change when we get married and start our own families, but I think I will always need my best friend in my life by my side too - there're some things that nothing will ever replace.


Yes, indeedy, God has been faithful and has bore me up on eagle's wings.
He has blessed me abundantly with my wing, with Trina - people who bring me such love and help me through each day of this difficult month. It may get tough and lonely sometimes; sometimes, the world seems to want to take me down however I fight, and I may let it get to me every so often. But ultimately, when I go to bed each night, I know that I am loved and I manage to drag myself out of bed the next morning, no matter how I don't want to face the world for another day.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings

Bear you on the breath of dawn

Make you shine like the sun

And hold you in the palm of His hand.

credits: http://www.flickr.com/photos/wolfsoul/2523939116/

Toothless the Dragon

How to Train Your Dragon in 3D last night was soooooooooooooooooo good!!
For me, the highlight of the entire show was Toothless, the dragon. :):) He's so superduper cute, I wish I could have a pet dragon toooooooo!!!

Some pics of Toothless to help me relive some of the show last night.

The Japanese poster is so much cuter than the one we have here. I love it when Toothless lets Hiccup pat him, the look he gives. :):)

His "thanks for the fish - here's half back, i'm sharing it with you! *grin*" look :P

Toothless trying to smile at Hiccup! Aw so cuteeeeeee right!

Here's when Toothless lets Astrid ride him too. He reminds me of a huge cat!
Come to think of it, Toothless looks a bit like a Pokemon. Haha.







DAYYYMNN I WANT A PET DRAGON!!

Another work-related, lack-of-time & motivation rant..

Now, here's the deal:

I have a PR mid-term tomorrow, and a research paper due on Thursday - and I don't feel like doing any of the abovementioned. I also have a presentation on Pynchon to pull together for next Tuesday as well as my group report for Advertising due next Thursday to hammer out over the weekend.

All this, considering and acknowledging the fact that I still have two final essays to write for Pynchon & Utopias, 4000 words and 2500 words respectively.



I also have to start planning and actually booking accommodation for my upcoming Europe trip in May/June with Trina (YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), but where do I find time to do that in the midst of all these little itty bitty datelines??? So much to do, so little time!!

Oh and I also reallyx10 need to run and gym, majorly. I'm deteriorating into a lump of lard and I can't help but feel disgusted with the way my body has mutinied against me in spite of my constant wishing that I will not grow fat when I do work. Unfortunately, it just does not work that way, huh.
OKAY I SHALL STUDY.

Time for a nap!

Okay so I just found out that the report that was supposed to be due tomorrow is now due on Thursday.


I am now somewhat at a loss as to what I should do now. I am inclined towards studying for PR now since the test is on Weds anyway.
Or maybe I shall go for a nap. Yes, that sounds the most appealing. :)

My schedule for the next month:

My face is telling me that I'm headed for my stressful final weeks of the semester. Awful zits are popping up on my forehead and nose - telltale sign of my body automatically registering the stress-to-come. I'm trying so hard to work on the introduction of my Governance report, but it's still, after all this time, stuck at page 2! Sigh. :(

In an attempt to focus myself, I shall put my schedule of things due here.
Perhaps it will scare me into action. Heh.

Week 10
21 March (Mon): Governance 27 page project report due
23 March (Weds): PR mid-term 2

Week 11
29 March (Mon): Governance presentation
30 March (Tues): Pynchon presentation
1 April (Thurs): Advertising project report due

Week 12
6 April (Tues): PR project presentation

Week 13
12 April (Mon): Utopias final exam + 2500 word essay due
16 April (Fri): Pynchon 4000 word final essay due

Reading week
19 April (Mon): PR 6-7 page project report due


Exam week 1
26 April (Mon): PR final exam 
28 April (Weds): Governance final exam


Exam week 2
5 May (Mon): Governance final exam










I am slightly worried now. :(
My Governance report due in 2 days stands at 21 pages at the moment - and I have to type out the most important, crucial part of the report still. I still have to check citations and edit the language and phrasing of the sections my group mates have sent me, and finish up the introduction. Definitely by tonight.




Okay nevermind I will finish watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose first. 
I'm testing out my new theory that watching tv helps in my writing :P

Gotta let that go, if only for a while, though 2 is better than 1.

Now, the weekend is creeping up on us, and the day is coming to its inevitable end. No matter how I did not want the day to come to its close, the clock was relentless in its march forward, and I find myself sitting here at 1:38AM of the 20th of March, wishing it would be 1:38AM of the 19th of March all over again. So that I would have another whole day just with you to look forward to. It doesn't matter what we do, I suppose, since all we did today was our work - you with your piles of marking, and me with my very uncooperative Governance paper to write + edit - as long as we have the hours stretching out before us, together. 


Ah, I'm such a sap, aren't I? Heh.

I find myself trying to teach myself to let go gradually temporarily, cos for the next 4 weeks or so, such time together would be an utter luxury.

So maybe it's true, that I can't live without you.
& maybe two is better than one.
But there's so much time, 
to figure out the rest in my life,
& you've already got me coming undone,
& I'm thinking that two is better than one.

Even before I turn the page,

The past week has been the best week of my semester, even though I spent so many of my nights quarreling just before going to bed.

But you know what, the fact that I could spend practically every waking hour with you made it all worth while.

I'm sad that the week is about to end and the work must begin, since the Governance paper is due on Monday - but I'm so grateful for every single minute we had together and thankful that you put up with my million and one demands (although with much fight!) It's only when good things like these have to come to an end that we realize how important they are to us. To me.

We have one more day together tomorrow, and may it be a fruitful, work-filled day, at that!

I already am missing you even before next week comes by, but it's only making me cherish you all the more when I have you with me by my side for now.

Please let me not be sick thank you.

I really really hope x100 that I'm not falling sick.
My head has been feeling really heavy and cotton-woolly all of today. I could barely pay attention in lecture with the throbbing at the back of my head :/

Sigh please please please let me be not sick.
It's so important for me to be in tiptop shape this week, what with the photoshoot for my advertising project on Weds, and governance and new media report due in a week's time. :(

Thoughts on the effects of sin in my life;

In my bid to help Clem with his session tomorrow, I'm gonna reflect on the effects of sin in my life here, since this is the space where my thoughts and words flow the most freely. Funny how this should be the case, in such a public space. But while I'm typing all this down, it doesn't feel public, no; in fact, it feels more private than a pen-and-paper diary, deceptively.

So yes. Sin. I'm constantly in a state of it, hardly ever fully free of it, if at all. Try as I might to stay in a state of sinlessness, I find myself always falling into it inadvertently, in some small or big thought, word or deed. 

Everytime I sin, I break and sully more of that perfect image and likeness that God had made me in at the start. Like a mirror, becoming more and more cracked - finally distorting my reflection into something else other than what it was meant to be.

Whenever I sin, I find myself going through the same process all over again; I never get sick of doing the same thing over and over. At first, I feel guilty - awfully, gnawingly guilty. I always begin by wishing I didn't do whatever it is I did, whether it was a lie I told, someone I gossiped about, or over indulging in my shopping habit when I know I shouldn't. At this point, I'm feeling really bad about the wrongdoing that I found myself doing, so I pray and tell God that I'm sorry for being such a witch. Then, when it hits me that hey, it's done, you can't undo it, I begin to try to forget that I even did it, try to pretend it all away. I stop trying to talk to God in prayer, cos everytime I do, it just reminds me of the gaping sin: coming face to face with the perfection of God WILL remind me of my imperfections and sins. So I turn to other things in life, I try to comfort myself with material things like food, shopping and physical and mental enjoyment (like more and more sleep, and watching more and more movies), all in the effort to make me forget about the guilt I feel at knowing I've done wrong and hence being unable to face God in prayer. When this phase is over (this is usually the longest part of the internal journey), I start to try to be a good person to the people around me, hoping that my efforts and being kind and helpful and good will somehow help reduce the guilt. Of course, this usually doesn't work out and I find myself never able to fully escape from the effects of that one little sin (or that many little sins, if you will have it) in my life. And this is where I find myself crawling back to God in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, where the priest is supposed to be the person of Christ - so when he tells me that my sins are forgiven, I truly feel and know that God has forgiven me, and I feel whole again, if only for that little while. The decision to go for Confession is always a long and tough one, but I always come out of it wondering why I didn't go back to God and ask for forgiveness for my sins any earlier.

Sin makes me escape, sin makes me not want to face up to what I've done. It makes me a very split, schizophrenic person, trying every which way to do everything I can do not acknowledge that I need the Divine to repair my human self, that only God who created me knows exactly how to fix me.

New layout!

Yay I am quite pleased with my new blog layout.
It took me a while to set up, but it's quite worth it! :)
I know, it's not brain surgery to apply codes taken off blogskins.com, but I'm definitely no techie expert here okay. Heh.

Back to reading Vineland before Clem comes.
Much to do, but so little time!
That's saying much, considering how I spent a large portion of today just playing with the new 550D.
Will upload random pics taken from the new baby soon, maybe sometime this weekend!

Some days I'm a super bitch

Every once a month, I wish to hell that I wasn't born female. This thing that afflicts me, God, how do I even begin to describe the pain? Clem asked me what it felt like yesterday, cos it's simply beyond him (and all guys, I suspect) to even fathom the extent of the pain that menstrual cramps put me through. So I tried to explain - and the closest, most agonizing thing that guys would be able to comprehend I could draw a comparison to, was the feeling of getting kicked in the balls every 5-10 minutes. I've been told that when one kicks a male in the gonads, he experiences a sharp, shooting pain that radiates from his crotch all the way to his stomach, leaving him feeling weak and nauseated, light-headed and seeing stars. His knees buckle from the pain, and all he can do is roll on the floor and writhe in agony. --So I've heard.

Well, all of that sounds nastily like my cramps every month, except I have to endure wave after wave of this crap  for about 8 hours in a row. It used to be a lot less painful, but as I grew older, the intensity and duration of my cramps seem to have increased exponentially. So yesterday was one of the worse bout of cramps I've experienced in a while, possibly cos I tried to stay off the painkillers the entire time until I had to go out in the evening. What it felt like, was unimaginable. My womb felt like it was being shredded to bits from inside out, and the pain left my toes curling at every wave that hit me. I was in cold sweat this entire time, leaving me in a state of intense discomfort cos I couldn't wrap myself up in my blanket without sweating even more, and couldn't take the blanket off cos I would start shivering. Everytime I sat up to try to relieve some of the pain in my abdomen, my bloated stomach, which felt like it had a gallon of liquid forced in, would squelch and contract in protest, trying to force me to throw up - which at this point, was impossible anyway since I hadn't taken anything (solid or liquid) into my body for the last 12 hours. So all I could do was clutch my abdomen and bend over into a ball - which didn't really help anyway - leaving me with no choice but to lie back down again and close my eyes so that the world would stop spinning. At this point, a mother-ass wave of pain would wash over me from abdomen all the way up to my chest... And the cycle begins again. I was like that from 12pm all the way to about 6pm when I forced myself out of bed cos Clem and I wanted to check out the IT fair at Suntec this weekend and we could only make it yesterday. Literally crawled downstairs with hands clutching at the railings, heated up the beef soup in the fridge mom had made for me for a day like this, which I knew was coming already anyway, and forced it down my throat so I could take some painkillers.

By the time 9pm came round again, the effects of the painkillers were wearing off and I felt like dying all over again. Clem was practically dragging me from the stifling crowd at the convention centre all the way to the food court at the fountain and I was about to burst into tears at my helplessness. Sigh.

Anyway. All the pain I go through every month never ceases to bring out the bitch in me, and very very unfortunately, my bitchfits often get played out with Clem as my very unfortunate, very unwitting victim. It's a very ugly sight, and I think the excuse of "it's the time of the month", while valid, is a very poor one. I shouldn't be a slave to my hormones, I'm more than a chemically controlled biological organism.

Some days I'm a super bitch,
Up to my old tricks, but it won't last forever.
Next day, I'm your super girl,
Out to save the world, and it keeps getting better.



Soon, I will revert to my supergirl alterego, when impossible is nothing and nothing is impossible. I'd do anything and everything with gusto, floating sky high into a faraway somewhere like a helium balloon a kid has inadvertently let go of into the dusky sky.


So, I have to show you what I dragged my in-much-pain self out of bed for yesterday evening.
My new Canon 550D DSLR!!

Okay, Clem's and my new DSLR. Since he bought it for us. I'm supposed to learn how to use it and teach him! It's such a beauty! And we sort of were very lucky cos we'd actually paid for the 500D, but the person had given us the 550D by accident. And we only realized after we'd left the mad rush upstairs, when we were queuing up for the freebies. By then, I was too cramped up to feel ethical and Clem was too frazzled with trying to deal with a difficult me - so we did the unethical thing and just walked away with our 550D. (There I was telling you about how my cramps bring out the bitch in me - perfect example 1.)

I'm still too gleeful over our accidental gain (the 550D costs about $200 more than the 500D, and is closer to the powerful 7D in performance with its whopping 18 megapixel capability) and spent the first hour I got up this morning playing with my - no, OUR - new toy. It even comes with a Crumpler carrying case! And, we got to buy the Speedlite270EX flash at the $119 price that customers of the 500D get to buy (but not 550D), so really, we were really lucky. (I should feel bad about now right? But not yet..)

The picture quality of the 550D is amazing!!! But, it blows up ALL my blemishes on my face cos of its precision and the power of the lens. (Only an EFS18-55 which already cost us about $200, but still way more powerful than my Sony Cybershot by 20x) Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee I can foresee this baby lasting us all the way into our marriage, so all we'll need to do to upgrade this baby is to get different lenses and colour filters for different shooting capabilities. :D:D:D

Postponing my thoughts on Sacrifice & Alice

Today's talk about sacrifice and suffering by Fr Luke was a really good reminder about my self-absorption lately. When was the last time I sacrificed something, denied myself anything? (other than sleep, which I deprive myself of on a daily routine nowadays, but that's cos I'm trying to get something else which I prize even more than sleep, so I suppose this doesn't count) It's not about the sacrifice per se, it's about dying to myself more each day as I struggle to be less about me and more about God. More about that some other time, cos it's so late already, and I do still have so much to say on that.

To sidetrack a little before I go... I think my Lenten penance of not shopping is not working. :(
I've just bought myself a new top from Hollyhoque, 2 rompers from Catwalkclose, and am about to pay for 2 new bags from Tianfenlan. All in one day.

UGH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

Stop shopping seriously. I need to save for my Europe trip in May/June. Like seriously. I'm going to swear off blogshopping, forever. And give more tuition, perhaps. Sigh. I need to make money. And it's not as if I have so much time on my hands, either. I'm still trying my best to be a relatively good student instead of an all-star shitty one. For eg: I have no clue about what's going in my Pynchon class, I have skipped 5 consecutive Advertising lectures, and have a stinking feeling I did badly for my Utopias test. I'm very sadly average for my PR module after the recent mid-term 1 (wth is up with these mid-term that comes in 2 parts?! >:(((

The only bright side to all of this is that I seem to have topped my class in the recent Advertising mid-term, with 18.4/20. Highest mark is - guess what - 18.4. Mwahahahahahaha!
But that is the only thing I think I'll be able to gloat over this semester. And not forgetting, that it was an MCQ test. But still, having the highest marks in a class of 140 is a pretty awesome feeling. :D:D I shall bask in my happiness for a while (which I feel I don't really fully deserve, but heck, beggars can't be choosers at this point right, so I should take whatever good performances with two happy hands and be very very grateful, which I really am) before I tackle my readings for the weekend. Ben chmarks for the weekend are to complete 1984 so that I can start planning for my comparison Utopias essay, read my two e-campaigning articles so I can start on the intro of that report, start crapping something that even remotely resembles a piece of art up for David Teh's yoyo-ing exercise, and try to start on Vineland. I have given Gravity's Rainbow up for dead at this point, cos I no longer even enjoy trying to read it.

And, I shall talk about my thoughts on Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland in my next post or so, which I caught in 3D tonight with Clem. I have a lot to say about Alice cos I loved the book when I read it for the 19th c module under Susan Ang (her enthusiasm for the book is really infectious, as you can tell)..

Okay time to go to bed, I have tuition tomorrow morning before I go to meet Rita (!!!!) and the exchange gang to show her around before she leaves.

Be Italian!

Clem and I went to watch Nine last night on a complete whim, and boy was it good! Who cares about the bad reviews it received (I went online to check how critics rated it and I found mostly 6-7 stars out of 10 ratings) - I was thoroughly entertained. And I think shows like these always make me fall in love with Europe all over again, based on a representation I receive through the silver screen. Kinda silly, but happens too often with me.




I like this version of the movie poster particularly, cos it's pretty much telling of the text-within-a-text (screen-within-a-screen, if you want to nitpick) kinda thing going on.

When I watched Paris 36, I wanted to go to Paris so badly, experience some of that romantic atmosphere that everyone raves about - and I am in June, now!
When I watched Vicki Cristina Barcelona, I was totally taken in by the city of Barcelona - and I also find myself planning to go there while in Europe in June.
Now, after watching Nine, I find myself wanting to go to Milan or someplace or other in Italy.

I am weak-willed and easily swayed, it seems. Heh.



But Nine was, for me, all kinds of wonderful, Partly cos of the exuberant song and dance routines (okay granted, the songs weren't the best, but I'm a sucker for glamour which the show was filled to the brim with, with postcard-like shots throughout the movie).







And I loved the ending, which I will not divulge here cos I don't want to spoil the ending for those who still intend to catch the show but haven't yet. But go soon though, cos it's run is ending already!! Only the weird times left on weekends (early evening), and it's only shown in the smaller theatres now, not the full-sized ones.

Be Italian
Take a chance & try to steal a fiery kiss.
Be Italian,
When you hold me don't just hold me but hold this.

Please be gentle, sentimental.
Go ahead & try to give my cheek a pat.
But be daring, & uncaring
When you try to pinch me try to pinch me where there's fat!


Be a singer
Be a lover
Pick the flower now before the chance is past


Be Italian
Be Italian
Live today as if it may become your last!

I know you won't.

Major case of earworm, after I heard Carrie Underwood's I Know You Won't on the bus home this afternoon on my iPod.
Might be the tune, which really tugs at my heartstrings. Or might be the lyrics, which the emo shit side of me is always drawn to. We never grow out of emoness, do we.

Everytime I use the word "emo" on myself, I can't help but feel like I'm consciously trivializing the onset of my emotions. I don't know why, maybe it's cos I look back at all that's happened in the past and can't help but wish like hell it could all be attributed to being "just emo" - & young & stupid. I hate looking back, it's like peering into a glass darkly, cos I can't be sure what exactly happened anymore. Time seems to subjectivize my memories, and erode even the most upsetting, traumatizing, fit-inducing bits into a flat, boring blip. I just can't seem to remember, and while I would have given anything years ago when I was wallowing in all my self-made misery to be at this point now, where I've begun to forget - I'm struggling to hold on to anything that would help me reconstruct some of that darkness that I've walked out from. I feel so alienated from that memory now, it could be a storyline right out of a Korean drama and it I couldn't even identify the experience as mine. I'm never happy, am I. I created my own shit, glorified in swimming in it, and refused to be saved. Then now when I am at my safe place, I try to transport myself back to that past cos I feel so cheated that I have forgotten, I feel as if I've trivialized the entire issue by allowing myself to forget. (And I have.)

Maybe I trivialize all of that intentionally. Maybe I did it in the last few years that went by, so that I would be at this point when I'm so disconnected from it all, unconcerned, even. Perhaps "upset" would be the wrong emotion to use in this case to describe my feelings at realizing the extent to which I've forgotten. More like disappointed in myself, cos I've denied the importance of everything in my process of coping and healing. Ohwell. We win some, and we lose some - & hopefully it's not the things that really matter that we lose in our bartering with life.


Maybe I liked the song so much and it's stuck in my head now cos I can somewhat identify with it - or could have, anyway.

I know you don't mean to be mean to me
Cos when you want to, 
you can make me feel like we belong
We belong.


Lately you make me feel all I am, is a back-up plan.
I say I'm done and then you smile at me,
and I forget everything I said.


I buy into those eyes
And into your lies.


You say you'll call, but I know you
You say you're coming home, but I know you




You say you'll call, but I know you won't.






Tonight, I mourn for the me I cannot recreate in my memory, and I feel sad for the me I can sort of remember somewhat muddily and very unfaithfully inaccurately in my head. For, if time were not linear as I was taught in secondary school physics, but is instead, circular, a concept I've been more and more exposed to as I read my lit books - the idea of sequentiality as I know it would not be as it is, and the me I pity for everything I cannot remember might be the me of tomorrow yet again with a different set of cause-effect factors. Cos right now, from my safe-place vantage point, I shudder and am terrified to think of the possibility of ever returning to the darkness and utter despondence of that time, even if it were brought about by something totally different. As much as I try to talk big and act as though I'm free - I think that I am only beginning to realize that I'm living my life in fear of rejection, callousness, and broken promises.


The fall from a little slice of heaven back to earth, is, afterall, going to be that much more painful and difficult to bear.



credits: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jennyterasaki/3637716327/

On the precipice of losing control over my spending

Woe is me!

I just discovered a blogshop that sells bags in all shapes and sizes, and I foresee myself spending more money sooner rather than later :(:(

Seeing how I am quite fed-up with school at the moment, too.

Probably PMS-ing a fair bit at the moment, none of which helps keep my urge to spend ridiculous amounts of money on items I don't really need but instead, just want quite badly.




And really, some people can be so childish. Hello, grow up already? Are we still in primary school?
And, incompetence in any manner annoys me like hell to no end.

Oh, and today is a ridiculously sweltering day. I just checked the weather on google and I am not looking forward to 35deg celsius days the next two days.



Have I said this yet? -I am grouchy grrrrrrrrr