aaahhhhh, i'm so tired! i couldn't sleep last night till 6am, and had to drag myself out of bed at 930 to try to finish an article before exam at 1! panicpanicpanic!! i was drifting in and out of sleep from the moment i got into bed at 330 to 6 this morning. and i was getting increasingly panicky cos i knew i couldn't wake up.
but here i am, awake. my head's so heavy though, it keeps threatening to drop like a ten-ton weight. I HATE INTERACTIVE MEDIA.
and Wendy Chun's article on cyberspace and orientalism is terrible terrible terrible. it looks interesting, and SOUNDS interesting, but it's a frightful nightmare to read. i only decided to try reading it one last time cos i'm damn scared it'll come out for the exam later. i lost the list of impt topics Daniela gave us during tutorial. can't find the bloody piece of paper anywhere. so i had to rely on my memory, which isn't very good right now i must sayyyyy.
and last night, there was a calico cat sitting outside my window. it scared the hell out of me, and i think i scared the hell out of it too.
BAH i think i shall have to cab down later. i need more time to read. this exam is panning out badly and it hasn't even begun.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
i am terriby terribly STRESSED!!! exams have begun and are not gonna end till 5th of dec.
and i have an sph interview tomorrow!!! was intending to study for my interactive media paper tomorrow, but my study plans have been somewhat ruined. ARGHHHHHHHHHH. i'm dying! i'm frantic! i.. i.. i want to disappear into a puddle.
i'm stressed. this is the dunno-how-manyth time i'm saying it but i'm feeling extremely pressurized. to do well cos i've been putting in more effort this sem and i have no more reason to not do well. to do okay, cos i expect myself to do okay. to not fail cos.. aiyah let's not think about failing. and to make it through the interview tomorrow too. omg omg omg i'm hyperventilating.
& i'm so tired, but i need to study for interactive media tonight cos tomorrow's study time has effectively been cut into half already. RAH. help.
I AM STRESSED AND I WANT THESE NEXT TWO WEEKS TO FLY BY ME.
and i have an sph interview tomorrow!!! was intending to study for my interactive media paper tomorrow, but my study plans have been somewhat ruined. ARGHHHHHHHHHH. i'm dying! i'm frantic! i.. i.. i want to disappear into a puddle.
i'm stressed. this is the dunno-how-manyth time i'm saying it but i'm feeling extremely pressurized. to do well cos i've been putting in more effort this sem and i have no more reason to not do well. to do okay, cos i expect myself to do okay. to not fail cos.. aiyah let's not think about failing. and to make it through the interview tomorrow too. omg omg omg i'm hyperventilating.
& i'm so tired, but i need to study for interactive media tonight cos tomorrow's study time has effectively been cut into half already. RAH. help.
I AM STRESSED AND I WANT THESE NEXT TWO WEEKS TO FLY BY ME.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
me against the music.
i shall blog in point form since my brain is frazzled from studying - even though the studying has been rather limited.
- my dad just set up the speakers in my room! now i can listen to my music properly, and not merely from the laptop sound output. :)
- i am wanting to study chinese again when i'm free. i have forgotten a large proportion of what i'd learnt during my secondary school days, and i'm appalled at myself.
- writing test at sph tomorrow at 2.30pm! i am planning to head to school before that to do some nm2101 survey in the lab for extra credit before going for the writing test.
i am this desperate to pull my grade up for that mod.
- lit department is finally offering a second major for lit! my dreams have come true! (omg, i sound like such a no-lifer.)
- SEP application is DONE! now, to settle module preference, and some outstanding SEP & 2nd major queries.
- Carol and i did not manage to go to Sheares for supper this week. mom kicked up a big fuss abt driving on a wet road. i am sad! she is sad too! we are craving naan badly.
- i will play wow on a new server when the exams are over. I AM MISSING MY COMPUTER GAMES.
- i want to read more books! my library hasn't been expanding for a long time.
- i want to clean my room after the exams. it is grossly dusty and cluttered up, AGAIN, and i'm mighty irritated by the mess everywhere.
- ditto for my cupboard. it's not that i have too much clothes - i personally still think i don't have enough. but it's bursting, yes, both my cupboards. i have no idea how and why, but i plan to investigate once i don't have to study.
- wikipedia is extremely addictive. i spend 2 hours on average each day on wikipedia wiki-ing the most inane things. i found out how and why each of King Henry VIII's wives got deposed of and that they were mostly named Anne (Anne Boleyn and Anne of Cleaves) and Catherine (Catherine of Aragon, Katherine Howard, Catherine Parr). i found out that Jessica Alba is part French, Danish, and Mexican - hence her exotic looks. i found out that Ang is a rather common surname in Singapore. and a lot more, actually.
- my dad just set up the speakers in my room! now i can listen to my music properly, and not merely from the laptop sound output. :)
- i am wanting to study chinese again when i'm free. i have forgotten a large proportion of what i'd learnt during my secondary school days, and i'm appalled at myself.
- writing test at sph tomorrow at 2.30pm! i am planning to head to school before that to do some nm2101 survey in the lab for extra credit before going for the writing test.
i am this desperate to pull my grade up for that mod.
- lit department is finally offering a second major for lit! my dreams have come true! (omg, i sound like such a no-lifer.)
- SEP application is DONE! now, to settle module preference, and some outstanding SEP & 2nd major queries.
- Carol and i did not manage to go to Sheares for supper this week. mom kicked up a big fuss abt driving on a wet road. i am sad! she is sad too! we are craving naan badly.
- i will play wow on a new server when the exams are over. I AM MISSING MY COMPUTER GAMES.
- i want to read more books! my library hasn't been expanding for a long time.
- i want to clean my room after the exams. it is grossly dusty and cluttered up, AGAIN, and i'm mighty irritated by the mess everywhere.
- ditto for my cupboard. it's not that i have too much clothes - i personally still think i don't have enough. but it's bursting, yes, both my cupboards. i have no idea how and why, but i plan to investigate once i don't have to study.
- wikipedia is extremely addictive. i spend 2 hours on average each day on wikipedia wiki-ing the most inane things. i found out how and why each of King Henry VIII's wives got deposed of and that they were mostly named Anne (Anne Boleyn and Anne of Cleaves) and Catherine (Catherine of Aragon, Katherine Howard, Catherine Parr). i found out that Jessica Alba is part French, Danish, and Mexican - hence her exotic looks. i found out that Ang is a rather common surname in Singapore. and a lot more, actually.
Monday, November 19, 2007
dear so-&-so:
dear so-&-so,
fact: what happened is still etched in my memory. unfortunately.
fact: you are a ghost in my mind.
fact: you were a bastard.
fact: you were not nice. contrary to what everyone believes & tells you.
fact: i was not okay.
fact: i don't want to see you ever again.
fact: you are totally oblivious to anything. bully for you.
fact: we are good actors.
fact: it all seems well now. bullshit.
fact: you are part of the furniture in my mind.
fact: i am part of the landscape too, in yours.
fact: i don't exist to you.
fact: i do. i exist.
fact: i still dream of you. & wake up wishing i didn't.
fact: i still talk of you. & end up wishing i didn't.
fact: i don't talk to you anymore. i talk at you.
fact: & vice versa.
fact: you are no longer my friend. what friends?
fact: i don't think you care. & i shall not either.
fact: i am now half the person you met.
fact: i wish i were still the person you met.
fact: i loved you.
fact: i hate you.
yours truly,
by-&-by
fact: what happened is still etched in my memory. unfortunately.
fact: you are a ghost in my mind.
fact: you were a bastard.
fact: you were not nice. contrary to what everyone believes & tells you.
fact: i was not okay.
fact: i am not okay.
fact: i wish i never met you, & you've never met me.fact: i don't want to see you ever again.
fact: you are totally oblivious to anything. bully for you.
fact: we are good actors.
fact: it all seems well now. bullshit.
fact: you are part of the furniture in my mind.
fact: i am part of the landscape too, in yours.
fact: i don't exist to you.
fact: i do. i exist.
fact: i still dream of you. & wake up wishing i didn't.
fact: i still talk of you. & end up wishing i didn't.
fact: i don't talk to you anymore. i talk at you.
fact: & vice versa.
fact: you are no longer my friend. what friends?
fact: i don't think you care. & i shall not either.
fact: i am now half the person you met.
fact: i wish i were still the person you met.
fact: i loved you.
fact: i hate you.
yours truly,
by-&-by
Saturday, November 17, 2007
module mapping blahs.
i hate the module mapping i have to do for SEP. the system is bloody ambiguous & it's so time consuming. why bother to map my modules before i even get the place? shouldn't i only have to map for the school i get into? rubbish. 3 more study plans to come up with. it's taking foreverrrr.
on a happier note, CAROL AND I ARE GOING FOR SHEARES SUPPER ON MON!! i've been craving the super cheesy chicken naan since i moved home. & exams always make me hungry at odd times cos my brain's working at odd times.
back to work, it is!
on a happier note, CAROL AND I ARE GOING FOR SHEARES SUPPER ON MON!! i've been craving the super cheesy chicken naan since i moved home. & exams always make me hungry at odd times cos my brain's working at odd times.
back to work, it is!
Friday, November 16, 2007
my eye is swollen.
i think i caught an eye infection, my right eye is swollen to the size of malaysia. even after i tried sleeping it off in the afternoon! it's still swollen. my eye bags have swelled up like male bullfrogs during mating season. i feel like a bloody frog. ouchh.
everything is okay?
waking up i see that everything is okay.
the 1st time in my life, & now it's so great.
slowing down i look around, & i'm so amazed.
i think about the little things that make life great -
i wouldn't change a thing about it,
this is the best feeling.
this innocence is brilliant,
i hope that it will stay.
this moment is perfect,
please don't go away;
i need you now.
& i'll hold on to it
; don't you let it pass you by.
i found a place so safe, not a single tear.
the 1st time in my life, & now it's so clear.
feel calm, i belong,
i'm so happy here.
it's so strong, & now i let myself be sincere.
it's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming.
it's the happiness inside that you're feeling.
it's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry.
it's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry.
this innocence is brilliant,
makes you wanna cry.
this innocence is brilliant,
please don't go away.
cos i need you now;
& i'll hold on to it,
don't you let it pass you by.
innocence/avril lavigne
(& no, i did not have sex or anything like that, though it may read like something along those lines.)
all these things that're happening, i wonder if i'm dreaming, i wonder if they're real. it's almost too good to be true, my future seems almost too rosy to take in hook, line & sinker. it's like i was existing aimlessly with lots of dreams but no way of fulfilling them for the longest time ever, & all of a sudden, my aimless existence actually has an outlet of fulfillment. i'm almost afraid to believe all these, that they're actually real & about to happen to me. i don't want to wake up & realise that hey, it was all a dream. & go back to my floaty life. on one hand, it feels too surreal to be true, but on the other, well, it still feels too surreal to be true. there's so much of life to look forward to, it's scary. what if it was all a mistake, & it turns out that there is nothing to look forward to cos i'm not good enough? i'm scared to even think of the possibility of living the life i seem on the brink of living cos of the possibility that it might just be a lie. like last february, when i was on the brink of believing something & actually living in that belief, when it turned out to be a cruel mistake. it made me so scared to hope, so scared to believe in the rosiness of the horizon - it's made me the cynic i am sometimes. i wish i could go back to living in the optimism of those times, when i was less afraid to dream & less afraid to live out my dreams. now, i only believe what i'm knocked over the head with. the warmth of his hand in mine, the sound of his voice in my ear. i don't imagine about the warmth of his hand in mine, don't imagine the sound of his voice in my ear. i only believe that they're real when i feel it, when i hear it. similarly, i don't believe that i could be this close to living the kind of life i want, until i'm actually living in it, breathing in it, doing in it.
Business Times contacted me today about an internship with them during the nov/dec break. out of the blue. i'm to go down to sph for a writing test before flying off, & if i can't take this attachment up cos of insufficient time, i'll be able to take up a full 8-week internship with sph after next semester ends. providing i pass the writing test, that is. them contacting me about an internship is almost surreal, & i can't believe i'm this close to getting an internship without even trying this time when i tried so hard last June. it's so odd, & i can't explain it. my portfolio shoot on Tuesday went well, & i had tonnes of fun in front of the camera. & my last few weeks with Clem have been really good - lots of smiles & happiness, for the first time in dunno how long. SEP application is exciting me even though i haven't gotten any place anywhere yet - but the thought of going overseas for 6 months makes me weak with excitement. it's been my dream since secondary school to study in an overseas uni, i'd have gone if i had slightly more money.
everything seems to be going so right for me now, i can't help but feel there's something wrong somewhere. yes yes, shoot the pessimist, why don't you. but what if this were all unreal? stuff in my past have affected me terribly, even though no one thinks or sees so, cos they ought not to be any reason for that affectation. i've given up trying to even imprint on anyone how much impact all that have on my life even right now, because it seems trivial, silly, even, to most people. i've accepted that i can't change what people think or say, so i have to live with it & deal with it all. sometimes i feel all those things in my past slipping away silently, & i stand where i am & wave them goodbye. i know that i feel sometimes like by allowing them to leave me, i also feel like i'm betraying those memories & emotions that were so real & sharp to me then. but sometimes when i think i've put everything behind me, something in my subconscious wells up & reminds me of old ghosts & it just pisses me off that i'm not past it.
sometimes, i wish i could erase myself out of the lives of some people. i wish i've never met some people, & i wish they've never met me. so when i lay my eyes on certain people, it'll be like seeing a perfect stranger & vice versa. then sometimes, i become even more extreme & wish that i could erase my life off the face of this earth. not kill myself, cos that wouldn't erase the memories. but completely annihilate myself & any trace of myself, even the me that lives on in memories. i have dark days when thoughts like these crowd my brain & i feel so suffocated. but there are other days when these dark thoughts are a million miles away & i'm so glad to be alive.
for now, things are as they are & i don't want to touch certain things anymore. i'm not happy with the way they are, but i've accepted & i have no energy to want to do anything to make me happy about them. that doesn't mean i like it, but of course, you won't understand. to you, there's only stark black & white, & absolutely no shades of grey. so okay. fine. but don't make me conform to the black or white because it's too dark or too bright for me.
heh this has become a stream of consciousness rant, almost. but not quite. i'm still rather conscious of the sentences that form in my brain as i type them out.
erase me from the face of this earth. like an eraser, not like correction fluid. gone, not filled over.
i don't want to sleep cos i don't want to dream of things i don't want to have to face.
the 1st time in my life, & now it's so great.
slowing down i look around, & i'm so amazed.
i think about the little things that make life great -
i wouldn't change a thing about it,
this is the best feeling.
this innocence is brilliant,
i hope that it will stay.
this moment is perfect,
please don't go away;
i need you now.
& i'll hold on to it
; don't you let it pass you by.
i found a place so safe, not a single tear.
the 1st time in my life, & now it's so clear.
feel calm, i belong,
i'm so happy here.
it's so strong, & now i let myself be sincere.
it's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming.
it's the happiness inside that you're feeling.
it's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry.
it's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry.
this innocence is brilliant,
makes you wanna cry.
this innocence is brilliant,
please don't go away.
cos i need you now;
& i'll hold on to it,
don't you let it pass you by.
innocence/avril lavigne
(& no, i did not have sex or anything like that, though it may read like something along those lines.)
all these things that're happening, i wonder if i'm dreaming, i wonder if they're real. it's almost too good to be true, my future seems almost too rosy to take in hook, line & sinker. it's like i was existing aimlessly with lots of dreams but no way of fulfilling them for the longest time ever, & all of a sudden, my aimless existence actually has an outlet of fulfillment. i'm almost afraid to believe all these, that they're actually real & about to happen to me. i don't want to wake up & realise that hey, it was all a dream. & go back to my floaty life. on one hand, it feels too surreal to be true, but on the other, well, it still feels too surreal to be true. there's so much of life to look forward to, it's scary. what if it was all a mistake, & it turns out that there is nothing to look forward to cos i'm not good enough? i'm scared to even think of the possibility of living the life i seem on the brink of living cos of the possibility that it might just be a lie. like last february, when i was on the brink of believing something & actually living in that belief, when it turned out to be a cruel mistake. it made me so scared to hope, so scared to believe in the rosiness of the horizon - it's made me the cynic i am sometimes. i wish i could go back to living in the optimism of those times, when i was less afraid to dream & less afraid to live out my dreams. now, i only believe what i'm knocked over the head with. the warmth of his hand in mine, the sound of his voice in my ear. i don't imagine about the warmth of his hand in mine, don't imagine the sound of his voice in my ear. i only believe that they're real when i feel it, when i hear it. similarly, i don't believe that i could be this close to living the kind of life i want, until i'm actually living in it, breathing in it, doing in it.
Business Times contacted me today about an internship with them during the nov/dec break. out of the blue. i'm to go down to sph for a writing test before flying off, & if i can't take this attachment up cos of insufficient time, i'll be able to take up a full 8-week internship with sph after next semester ends. providing i pass the writing test, that is. them contacting me about an internship is almost surreal, & i can't believe i'm this close to getting an internship without even trying this time when i tried so hard last June. it's so odd, & i can't explain it. my portfolio shoot on Tuesday went well, & i had tonnes of fun in front of the camera. & my last few weeks with Clem have been really good - lots of smiles & happiness, for the first time in dunno how long. SEP application is exciting me even though i haven't gotten any place anywhere yet - but the thought of going overseas for 6 months makes me weak with excitement. it's been my dream since secondary school to study in an overseas uni, i'd have gone if i had slightly more money.
everything seems to be going so right for me now, i can't help but feel there's something wrong somewhere. yes yes, shoot the pessimist, why don't you. but what if this were all unreal? stuff in my past have affected me terribly, even though no one thinks or sees so, cos they ought not to be any reason for that affectation. i've given up trying to even imprint on anyone how much impact all that have on my life even right now, because it seems trivial, silly, even, to most people. i've accepted that i can't change what people think or say, so i have to live with it & deal with it all. sometimes i feel all those things in my past slipping away silently, & i stand where i am & wave them goodbye. i know that i feel sometimes like by allowing them to leave me, i also feel like i'm betraying those memories & emotions that were so real & sharp to me then. but sometimes when i think i've put everything behind me, something in my subconscious wells up & reminds me of old ghosts & it just pisses me off that i'm not past it.
sometimes, i wish i could erase myself out of the lives of some people. i wish i've never met some people, & i wish they've never met me. so when i lay my eyes on certain people, it'll be like seeing a perfect stranger & vice versa. then sometimes, i become even more extreme & wish that i could erase my life off the face of this earth. not kill myself, cos that wouldn't erase the memories. but completely annihilate myself & any trace of myself, even the me that lives on in memories. i have dark days when thoughts like these crowd my brain & i feel so suffocated. but there are other days when these dark thoughts are a million miles away & i'm so glad to be alive.
for now, things are as they are & i don't want to touch certain things anymore. i'm not happy with the way they are, but i've accepted & i have no energy to want to do anything to make me happy about them. that doesn't mean i like it, but of course, you won't understand. to you, there's only stark black & white, & absolutely no shades of grey. so okay. fine. but don't make me conform to the black or white because it's too dark or too bright for me.
heh this has become a stream of consciousness rant, almost. but not quite. i'm still rather conscious of the sentences that form in my brain as i type them out.
erase me from the face of this earth. like an eraser, not like correction fluid. gone, not filled over.
i don't want to sleep cos i don't want to dream of things i don't want to have to face.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
exam hibernation
we nus students are entering into exam season. slightly more than a week before the exams begin, 3 weeks till exams are over, 3 weeks till semester break comes!!
i spent 2 hours last night planning my study schedule for the next week. it's gonna be a long week! if i do manage to keep to my study schedule, i'll ace my exams man. haha. but rigorous as it is, it's also majorly insane, so.. well. heh.
ooh it's raining super heavily now. i'm trying to read secret agent again, but i'm getting so distracted. ha. and my SEP application needs to be done soon too! australia, US.. no europe, though. :( too expensive by far. the australian dollar has been rising, the US dollar has been falling, so whichever should be fine still.
i had a damn weird dream last night. i woke up mighty disturbed. oh well. i don't have as much control over my subconscious as i'd like.
time to change for school.
i spent 2 hours last night planning my study schedule for the next week. it's gonna be a long week! if i do manage to keep to my study schedule, i'll ace my exams man. haha. but rigorous as it is, it's also majorly insane, so.. well. heh.
ooh it's raining super heavily now. i'm trying to read secret agent again, but i'm getting so distracted. ha. and my SEP application needs to be done soon too! australia, US.. no europe, though. :( too expensive by far. the australian dollar has been rising, the US dollar has been falling, so whichever should be fine still.
i had a damn weird dream last night. i woke up mighty disturbed. oh well. i don't have as much control over my subconscious as i'd like.
time to change for school.
Monday, November 12, 2007
weekend escapades
it's a dreary Monday afternoon. the sky's grey, it's cloudy, it looks like it's gonna rain, & i just crawled out of bed not too long ago. these days, my body clock's totally topsy-turvy cos i've been staying up late to finish essays and whatnots. the latest essay to hit me is the project on the theories of new media. 5000word paper. thankfully, it's almost done. i'm just doing a final edit on it before uploading it tonight by 12.
i can't wait for tomorrow! then i can start planning my revision timetable and start studying. oh, and start on my SEP application too. it's due really soon.
i have a portfolio shoot tomorrow. how to lug all my outfits to school! sigh. but no complaints! i'm living the life i want nowadays. :)
& i had a fantabulous birthday this year! had several mini-celebrations with the people who matter. manymany dinners & outings. on Wed itself, i had Japanese food at the Waraku restaurant at cuppage road with the family, then went to the cathay to catch the Bee Movie. it was only a so-so show, but i had fun laughing over it with Carol. then met Tri on the 8th for dinner and to catch Stardust! it is really good. & romantic. i'd like to be a star, then i'd glow when i'm happy & you can tell how happy i am by my glow. dinner with Clem on Fri at 2amdessertsbar in holland v. the desserts there are gorgeous! i am SO going back there again to try more of them. & take more photos. i love the place. movie marathon after that - Anna & Anna first, then Lust, Caution thereafter. well, the first movie was so that i could sneak into Lust, Caution. heh. it's quite arty, but it's also a little heavy on the sex. i guess the sex scenes were to explain why Wong did what she did, but even then, the scenes didn't directly address that. it was more of a understand-by-implication kinda thing. dinner at Spageddies at Marina Square with some of the zj girls on Sat after session! had yummy pretty desserts at tcc after that & took many photos.
but the aftertaste of Sat wasn't that fantastic, i must say. got into an accident on the way home at Geylang cos Chelsa and i were lost on the road. i was on a turning-only lane but didn't realise and went straight, and the car next to me turned - so we collided. thankfully no one was hurt.. if i got Chels hurt in that accident i would have felt so guilty. after i heard that gut-wrenching metal-on-metal sound, i screamed for a good 10 seconds before gathering myself together and stopping at the side of the road, hoping the man would come back. i was panicking when i stopped, and i kept thinking of the damages i'd have to pay. all Chels and i could say for a while was "oh my God". yes i think we were traumatised. so when he came out and looked pissing mad, Chels was like okay, we're not gonna let him bully us & we'll argue if necessary. i got out of the car all gung-ho & ready to defend my case, when he pointed out that i was on a turning-only lane going straight, & therefore was in the wrong - & i had nothing left to say after a while. i mean, what can i say in defense to that? so we exchanged particulars, i started to cry, and managed to convince him not to settle the whole thing using insurance. had to head down to the mechanic in Sin Ming yesterday afternoon to get the damage appraised and settle costs. i forked out slightly less than half of the entire repair cost but i'm not complaining cos it was my fault after all. i mean, i'm complaining that i was idiotic enough to get into something like that, but i'm not complaining that my parents aren't paying the entire cost. in fact, i'd wanted to pay for the entire thing. but it's just not possible right now cos i don't have the means.
but something i learnt from the whole escapade: Hyundai cars are tough cookies! my car was only scratched! after wiping off the paint that came off his car, my car'll be almost as good as new! heh.
it's been a long weekend..! time for the sedentary life again this week. even more sedentary than usual, especially with the exams looming & me needing desperately to hole myself up to study.
i can't wait for tomorrow! then i can start planning my revision timetable and start studying. oh, and start on my SEP application too. it's due really soon.
i have a portfolio shoot tomorrow. how to lug all my outfits to school! sigh. but no complaints! i'm living the life i want nowadays. :)
& i had a fantabulous birthday this year! had several mini-celebrations with the people who matter. manymany dinners & outings. on Wed itself, i had Japanese food at the Waraku restaurant at cuppage road with the family, then went to the cathay to catch the Bee Movie. it was only a so-so show, but i had fun laughing over it with Carol. then met Tri on the 8th for dinner and to catch Stardust! it is really good. & romantic. i'd like to be a star, then i'd glow when i'm happy & you can tell how happy i am by my glow. dinner with Clem on Fri at 2amdessertsbar in holland v. the desserts there are gorgeous! i am SO going back there again to try more of them. & take more photos. i love the place. movie marathon after that - Anna & Anna first, then Lust, Caution thereafter. well, the first movie was so that i could sneak into Lust, Caution. heh. it's quite arty, but it's also a little heavy on the sex. i guess the sex scenes were to explain why Wong did what she did, but even then, the scenes didn't directly address that. it was more of a understand-by-implication kinda thing. dinner at Spageddies at Marina Square with some of the zj girls on Sat after session! had yummy pretty desserts at tcc after that & took many photos.
but the aftertaste of Sat wasn't that fantastic, i must say. got into an accident on the way home at Geylang cos Chelsa and i were lost on the road. i was on a turning-only lane but didn't realise and went straight, and the car next to me turned - so we collided. thankfully no one was hurt.. if i got Chels hurt in that accident i would have felt so guilty. after i heard that gut-wrenching metal-on-metal sound, i screamed for a good 10 seconds before gathering myself together and stopping at the side of the road, hoping the man would come back. i was panicking when i stopped, and i kept thinking of the damages i'd have to pay. all Chels and i could say for a while was "oh my God". yes i think we were traumatised. so when he came out and looked pissing mad, Chels was like okay, we're not gonna let him bully us & we'll argue if necessary. i got out of the car all gung-ho & ready to defend my case, when he pointed out that i was on a turning-only lane going straight, & therefore was in the wrong - & i had nothing left to say after a while. i mean, what can i say in defense to that? so we exchanged particulars, i started to cry, and managed to convince him not to settle the whole thing using insurance. had to head down to the mechanic in Sin Ming yesterday afternoon to get the damage appraised and settle costs. i forked out slightly less than half of the entire repair cost but i'm not complaining cos it was my fault after all. i mean, i'm complaining that i was idiotic enough to get into something like that, but i'm not complaining that my parents aren't paying the entire cost. in fact, i'd wanted to pay for the entire thing. but it's just not possible right now cos i don't have the means.
but something i learnt from the whole escapade: Hyundai cars are tough cookies! my car was only scratched! after wiping off the paint that came off his car, my car'll be almost as good as new! heh.
it's been a long weekend..! time for the sedentary life again this week. even more sedentary than usual, especially with the exams looming & me needing desperately to hole myself up to study.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
done with it.
i'm done with the dratted essay! it's like 2500 words of torture. i hope my tutor has more fun reading it than i had when i wrote it. caused me insomnia last night okay! couldn't sleep till 8am this morning cos i was so awake after my writing session last night.
it's quite an icky essay, actually. i don't really have a good feeling abt it, cos it was so tough to write coherently! i'm just hoping a miracle will save me and get me a B+ on it.
and today was an extremely infuriating day in school. i cabbed down to school after my fitful sleep last night for a 1hour project meeting. tutorial at 3 got cancelled, and I DIDN'T KNOW. lecture at 4 got cancelled too, and I ALSO DIDN'T KNOW. like what the hell. haven't lecturers been using the announcements thingy on ivle?? what happened?? i didn't go for class on Tuesday last week, being sick with cramps. just that one lousy day, cost me my time today. and i need to email my interactive media tutor abt the peer review exercise which i missed.
and my essay woes aren't over yet. one more due next Tuesday. AT LEAST that one's somewhere near done cos it's a group project. i'm gonna do an edit soon, when i'm rested from the trauma of this last essay.
i can't wait for exams to come. i can't believe i'm actually wishing for something like that, but yeah. this term's too draggy.
it's quite an icky essay, actually. i don't really have a good feeling abt it, cos it was so tough to write coherently! i'm just hoping a miracle will save me and get me a B+ on it.
and today was an extremely infuriating day in school. i cabbed down to school after my fitful sleep last night for a 1hour project meeting. tutorial at 3 got cancelled, and I DIDN'T KNOW. lecture at 4 got cancelled too, and I ALSO DIDN'T KNOW. like what the hell. haven't lecturers been using the announcements thingy on ivle?? what happened?? i didn't go for class on Tuesday last week, being sick with cramps. just that one lousy day, cost me my time today. and i need to email my interactive media tutor abt the peer review exercise which i missed.
and my essay woes aren't over yet. one more due next Tuesday. AT LEAST that one's somewhere near done cos it's a group project. i'm gonna do an edit soon, when i'm rested from the trauma of this last essay.
i can't wait for exams to come. i can't believe i'm actually wishing for something like that, but yeah. this term's too draggy.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
online window shopping
i am currently multi-tasking.
doing that STUPID Lily Chou-Chou essay, and online window shopping! i must say that the proportion of time i do stupid, inane things on my computer always somehow shoots up whenever i have essays to write or tests to study for.
i spent a grand total of 2 hours online window shopping, and i've concluded that American shops are more worth shopping at than UK shops. cos of the exchange rate - the pound is horribly inflated, somehow.
http://charlotte-russe.com & http://papayaclothing.com - 2 of the labels Koko Maggie brought back from her last US trip. they have pretty things at cheap prices cos it's gonna be winter there and they're clearing out their summer collection! i'm so tempted to order and get one of the American cousins to hold on to my stash until she comes back to Singapore for a holiday or for Christmas.
http://aeropostale.com is good too!
ahh, i really want to get a credit card. but i think i'm lucky i don't cos if i did, i'd be spending TOO MUCH on clothes and online shopping.
people like me can only afford budget shopping. which requires lots of time, which i don't have right now.
i am determined to shop after the exams.
doing that STUPID Lily Chou-Chou essay, and online window shopping! i must say that the proportion of time i do stupid, inane things on my computer always somehow shoots up whenever i have essays to write or tests to study for.
i spent a grand total of 2 hours online window shopping, and i've concluded that American shops are more worth shopping at than UK shops. cos of the exchange rate - the pound is horribly inflated, somehow.
http://charlotte-russe.com & http://papayaclothing.com - 2 of the labels Koko Maggie brought back from her last US trip. they have pretty things at cheap prices cos it's gonna be winter there and they're clearing out their summer collection! i'm so tempted to order and get one of the American cousins to hold on to my stash until she comes back to Singapore for a holiday or for Christmas.
http://aeropostale.com is good too!
ahh, i really want to get a credit card. but i think i'm lucky i don't cos if i did, i'd be spending TOO MUCH on clothes and online shopping.
people like me can only afford budget shopping. which requires lots of time, which i don't have right now.
i am determined to shop after the exams.
Monday, November 05, 2007
All About Lily Chou-Chou.
it is a horrific film to do an essay on, a 2500 word essay, no less. my creative and writing abilities have all but ebbed away from me for this particular essay, and it's extremely painful to write. it's moving along slowly and sluggishly. it's been long since i've had this much trouble with an essay! ahh. well. perhaps i'm not cut out for film studies.
i'm writing a word a minute, and it's excrutiating.
i'm writing a word a minute, and it's excrutiating.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
late, but not tired.
as the title above suggests and overtly proclaims - it is late but i'm not tired. second night in a row this is happening to me. both nights, i stayed up to type out my section for the new media project due on the 13th. at least tonight i can go to bed without worrying about what to write in the unfinished half of my section, unlike last night.
but i haven't even begun on my 2500 words All About Lily Chou-Chou essay for japanese film. it's due on Wednesday! and i haven't even re-watched the film. i think i shall do that tomorrow when i get up, then begin writing the rest of tomorrow and through Monday. Tuesday, i still have to go to school cos it's the last interactive media tutorial (i think), and i wanna go for it. Wednesday, i have to be in school by 12pm for make-up lit tutorial so i can't sleep too late on Tuesday night. which means i have to more-or-less finish my essay by Monday night and just leave editing to do on Tuesday night after i come back from school at night.
THEN, after the Wednesday deadline, i need to start work on the final draft of the new media theories project i've been doing the last 2 nights. i volunteered to do the final edit cos well, i'm a perfectionist and i want to make sure i have a final say this time round. the last mid-term paper, we only got a B, and i was pretty darn upset abt it. i want to secure an A this time round, so i will put in the effort and do an edit before we hand it up.
i think this post is resembling the rambling of a workaholic insomniac. i can't believe i'm detailing my essaying plans in such detail here. it's not called hell month for nothing. people have their hell-weeks, i have my hell month.
not quite as bad nor intense as a hell-week, but still trying nonetheless. it's more like a marathon than a sprint, which hell-weeks are.
sigh. and i can't start studying till the 13th of november. it leaves me with less than 15 days to study for my exams by then. hopefully i'll manage to get some studying done during the editing period. it'll be quite sad if i ace my essays but screw up all my final exams cos i didn't budget enough time to study for them.
and this is really odd, but my left hand is getting numb from all the typing. it's like, i suddenly lost all the feeling in my left fingers. heh. this is one sure sign that i've been spending too much time typing. my fingers hover over the keyboard in a fixed position for such a long time that blood circulation is affected. okay, so i'm a bona fide nerd now.
but i haven't even begun on my 2500 words All About Lily Chou-Chou essay for japanese film. it's due on Wednesday! and i haven't even re-watched the film. i think i shall do that tomorrow when i get up, then begin writing the rest of tomorrow and through Monday. Tuesday, i still have to go to school cos it's the last interactive media tutorial (i think), and i wanna go for it. Wednesday, i have to be in school by 12pm for make-up lit tutorial so i can't sleep too late on Tuesday night. which means i have to more-or-less finish my essay by Monday night and just leave editing to do on Tuesday night after i come back from school at night.
THEN, after the Wednesday deadline, i need to start work on the final draft of the new media theories project i've been doing the last 2 nights. i volunteered to do the final edit cos well, i'm a perfectionist and i want to make sure i have a final say this time round. the last mid-term paper, we only got a B, and i was pretty darn upset abt it. i want to secure an A this time round, so i will put in the effort and do an edit before we hand it up.
i think this post is resembling the rambling of a workaholic insomniac. i can't believe i'm detailing my essaying plans in such detail here. it's not called hell month for nothing. people have their hell-weeks, i have my hell month.
not quite as bad nor intense as a hell-week, but still trying nonetheless. it's more like a marathon than a sprint, which hell-weeks are.
sigh. and i can't start studying till the 13th of november. it leaves me with less than 15 days to study for my exams by then. hopefully i'll manage to get some studying done during the editing period. it'll be quite sad if i ace my essays but screw up all my final exams cos i didn't budget enough time to study for them.
and this is really odd, but my left hand is getting numb from all the typing. it's like, i suddenly lost all the feeling in my left fingers. heh. this is one sure sign that i've been spending too much time typing. my fingers hover over the keyboard in a fixed position for such a long time that blood circulation is affected. okay, so i'm a bona fide nerd now.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
coffee, cookies & cheese :)
had tea at the tcc at ps with Clem today! was my first time at tcc, can you believe it. heh. i usually go to starbucks or coffee bean. BUT! i am a converted tcc-fan. the menu there is tonnes better than starbucks or coffee bean! more selection! a trifle pricey, though. but ooh good food! i wanna go back there to try everything on the menu again. had an iced honey latte (have you ever heard of that mixture!) and snapped some photos. :)
i'm going back there after the exams. to eat and drink everything on the menu haha.
origami trampled into the ground.
Friday, November 02, 2007
nothing to cry over, really.
okay so i shouldn't be such a baby over this, but i am sad. my dad's not free for my birthday dinner on the 7th anymore cos he has to work at night. after weeks of planning where to eat and all.. sigh. i was trying not to show my disappointment cos i mean, work is work, and it's not as if my dad has a choice abt it. so.. yeah. but i can't help feeling upset, nonetheless, even though my brain tells me it's absolutely illogical to.
i just came back from a run. 5km, and i'm damn slow. whatever lah, though. i'm not training for a marathon anyway. i was perfectly happy when i came back - until my dad told me abt the 7th and then got me to shut up cos commercial was ending and Ghost Whisperer was starting again on tv. and Carol isn't free over the weekend either, proclaiming "no, no cannot, i have exams to study for, remember??"
so i guess that means i'll find something to occupy myself with on the 7th then. i'm already meeting Clem on the 8th cos my parents wanted to have dinner on the birthday day itself. so it's kinda last minute to change my plans. and it's not very nice to expect him to be free anymore anyway.
i have an essay due then, anyway, so it isn't as if there was very much to look forward to in the first place anyway.
as you can see, i'm trying hard not to sound too disappointed or upset abt it. it's just a lousy birthday dinner, anyway. and it's not as if it's my 21st or some impt landmark. but i thought that maybe i could have a super good birthday dinner this year cos i won't be around to celebrate my 21st next year, since i'll be in Australia or something.
nothing to cry over. you're a big girl now, and it's just a birthday dinner. i shouldn't blame my dad for having to work on that day, and my sister for having exams either. yes. i shall shower and start on my essays. lots to do.
i just came back from a run. 5km, and i'm damn slow. whatever lah, though. i'm not training for a marathon anyway. i was perfectly happy when i came back - until my dad told me abt the 7th and then got me to shut up cos commercial was ending and Ghost Whisperer was starting again on tv. and Carol isn't free over the weekend either, proclaiming "no, no cannot, i have exams to study for, remember??"
so i guess that means i'll find something to occupy myself with on the 7th then. i'm already meeting Clem on the 8th cos my parents wanted to have dinner on the birthday day itself. so it's kinda last minute to change my plans. and it's not very nice to expect him to be free anymore anyway.
i have an essay due then, anyway, so it isn't as if there was very much to look forward to in the first place anyway.
as you can see, i'm trying hard not to sound too disappointed or upset abt it. it's just a lousy birthday dinner, anyway. and it's not as if it's my 21st or some impt landmark. but i thought that maybe i could have a super good birthday dinner this year cos i won't be around to celebrate my 21st next year, since i'll be in Australia or something.
nothing to cry over. you're a big girl now, and it's just a birthday dinner. i shouldn't blame my dad for having to work on that day, and my sister for having exams either. yes. i shall shower and start on my essays. lots to do.
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