just had a gooooooood talk with Tri! gosh i had no idea how much i missed the old times. when it was just the two of us girls, arm-in-arm, girls against the rest of the world. tiny girls with big dreams of wanting to be more than just the average Singaporean woman working away in her office cubicle. those wonderful afternoons after school when we'd go to each others' houses and pig out on pizza, potato chips and just laze about on the sofa watching tv or on the bed, just yakking away for hours on end. so carefree, so innocent, so happily spent in each others' company.

when our worlds had no real boys yet, when the only boys that ever existed where the occasional fellow who tried to get fresh with either of us (and we had very little difficulty in telling the poor fellow that he stood absolutely no chance, i can assure you), when things were just so much simpler.

now?

we've both grown up. we've both gone our separate ways. our lives have taken different paths. and so have our hearts. she's found happiness with her boyfriend. me? we shall not go there tonight, shall we. haha.

but still, our hearts haven't lost each other, and i'm so so so so so thankful for that. people walk in and out of my life all the time, it's something i've come to accept as part of life. it's something you realise when you get older and when friendships and relationships become slightly more complicated. but at the end of the day, there're just some people who you pray never walk out of your life, no matter what the situation is, no matter how complicated things become. i'm seeing some people threatening to do just that now, and it's so painful cos i mean, the basis of every relationship is a friendship, isn't it? and there's lots of love between friends too, isn't there? philia is the greek term for it, and it's supposed to be a more spiritual kinda love than eros is cos it's more sharing and selfless. but when you see friends walk out in your life, you wonder whether there really was love between you two in the first place. or what was it all?

Trina's someone i never want to see walking out of my life, ever. she's my sister, my darling twin, the reminder of what i used to be as a girl, the reminder of what we both aspired to be when we grew up. Chelsa too. guys should not and will not tear us from each other ever, eh? as we promised each other from the start: sisters to the end, guys come and go.

and Dan and Clem too, even though so much has happened. i dunno, but i think a beautiful friendship is what lies beneath this all and i just don't want to lose it all just cos things became complicated. but as i said, the basis of every relationship is a friendship, i don't wanna walk out on them or have them walk out on me just cos of everything. maybe i'm being selfish, maybe i'm not letting things settle and move on. but to lose two very important people in my life just cos things became slightly more complicated than they were at the start? i don't want that to happen. i can't stop things from happening, can't stop people from drawing away from each other, can't stop people from moving out and away from my life. but at the end of the day, if that's what happens, all i can do is pray for the day when the very important people in my life come back to it, if at all.

and i thought Cheryl was someone i'd never want to see walking away from me too. but look at what happened. she's so cut off from me now and it's so sad cos we used to share so much together. we said we were so alike it was scary. and i think ultimately it was what was so alike about us that drove us apart.

you know, when people start leaving your life, you start to wonder whether there's something wrong with you or whether it was just circumstances that drove us apart.

anyway, bottomline is: i never wanna lose these people or see them walk out of my life, ever. i will fight tooth and nail to keep them with me, but if after all's been said and done doesn't change anything, it will hurt like crap and i don't even want to entertain the possibility of things like that happening.

gonna bathe and sleep soon. stupid smu meeting in hall tomorrow morning. :(