i hate old english with every fibre of my body.

i'm in an absolutely rotten mood now, because i have two tests tomorrow and i am prepared for none of them. i don't understand my lacklustreness, and utter lack of interest in anything other than sleeping. perhaps i'm trying to find my footing in this not-so-new-environment, and i'm constantly slipping and hitting brick walls, and all this is causing me to lose interest in what i used to love. Old English is absolutely killing my love for anything English, and i am starting to think it is in my best interests to drop the stupid class and stop worrying over it. what is stopping me, however, is my pride - because i don't want to feel like i'm dropping it cos i can't do it. i hate feeling inadequate in anything, but this retarded class which requires me to memorize stupid nouns in their stupid genders is really killing me because my brain hasn't been forced to memorize anything in such detail since A-levels, which was 3 fricking years ago. i keep telling myself that i don't have to prove anything to anybody, so just drop the stupid class if it's killing me. but something's stopping me from doing it, and i wish i just had the guts to say enough's enough. i am thoroughly unprepared for the test tomorrow though, so i think if i fail that one spectacularly, i might be forced to drop it anyway, because it's not worth the effort.

omg i've wasted an hour whining abt all this, and i haven't even touched my nouns to memorize. shootmenow, please. ugh. :(