I thought that since tomorrow's gonna officially be the last day of my internship, this warrants an update from me! I've been lazy about upkeeping this space, even though I spend so much time in front of the computer each day at work.. But furtively blogging when I'm supposed to be working working makes me feel bad! Heh but somehow the fact that tomorrow's my last day is making me a lot more relaxed about things. :) Spent the better part of this morning compiling vogue.com write-ups of the latest haute couture shows in Paris over the last week, purely out of interest and to satiate my anal-retentiveness. (edit: which I forgot to send to myself and it's now saved on someone else's desktop *smacks forehead*)
Surprised as I am to say this, I am a little sad to leave. This taste of magazine journalism life has left me wanting more, but I'm more than a little scared that this is the end. My experiences are so limited and few, how could I possibly get a job in this line with what I have so far? :(
Things have been looking up for me on the job-hunt side lately. Have some interviews to nail, and am pending confirmation for another. I am, however, still unsure if this is the way to go.
Am I selling out, choosing the option with the easiest and most stable income? Do dreams have any place in the world of a working adult? A spate of conversations with the boyf in the past week has led me to think a lot more about this - about the place of dreams and aspirations in the face of reality. A part of me still wants to hold fast to all the dreams I had when I was a little girl: being a bestselling author, travelling the world as a journalist and writing inspiring articles for Nat Geo or a glitzy fashion mag... As much as I'm constrained by my reality, sometimes I still feel like the sky's the limit, and I can go wherever my imagination takes me to, as long as I dare to dream it and then pursue it. Of course, the real-world isn't like that. It takes infinitely more to live the life I want than just willpower and sheer longing. Aspirations must be backed up by talent and ability, and I fear I fall short in walking the talk. As much as I want to do these things, I might have to realize that I can't because it's just not in my make up to do these extraordinary things.
Darn I hate being fatalistic. I hate having the feeling of being resigned to something I seem to have no control over. I hate feeling like I have to do something because I'm obliged to - like earning money through a stable job, for instance. I hate feeling like money's that important, because I know deep down that it's not (and that a lot of the reason why I want to earn enough is to be comfortable enough to buy what I want, which is another thing I hate cos it makes me feel so materialistic and so bloody shallow)..
All this musing aside though, there's just one more announcement I have to make:
My little sister turns 22 today (note to self: stop referring to her as "little" then!)
It feels like just last month that she turned 21!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING.
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