Long may this continue, yes to the end of our lives!

"I briefly contemplated my issues with words like fiance, wedding, husband, etc. I just couldn't put it together in my head. On the one hand, I had been raised to cringe at the very thought of poofy white dresses and bouquets. But more than that, I just couldn't reconcile a staid, respectable, dull concept like husband with my concept of Edward. It was like casting an archangel as an accountant; I couldn't visualize him in any commonplace role."

Bella Swan thought the above just before she married Edward.

(I've been re-reading Twilight 'cos I'm a secret sucker for the love story between Bella and Edward, and also 'cos I think almost every girl can relate to the seemingly too-ordinary, clumsy, awkward, two-left-feet and ungraceful Bella. There's a bit of Bella in every girl, and I think that's what makes her so special.)

I'm borrowing her words for now, because I feel the same way. My life has been one big whirl of wedding-related activities and thoughts; I've been breathing and eating wedding preparation for what feels like the longest time ever. Now that everything's over and I have time to sit and re-collect.. I think about what concepts like the above mean.

Surely, they cannot even begin to encapsulate anything about what Clement is to me. He is a husband, yes. He is also a friend, a companion, a warm hand to hold, a shoulder to cry and lie on, my personal cook; he is the world to me. And the wedding, it is the day I celebrate the start of my happy union with Clement. But it is also a day that marks the end of my parents' care for me, the day that my grandparents are proud of how big their granddaughter has grown and how she's turned out, the day that I leave home for a new one, the day I become a wife.

Wife.
Wow.

Anyhoot.

It's been a season of much joy and happiness, and I have been blessed tremendously. There is so much that has happened in the short span of time since I aged one more year; I barely know where to begin my tales!

I will start at the chronological start (although time sometimes make more sense when one thinks of it cyclically instead of linearly..): my Bachelorette's Party, a.k.a. my hen's night - where a bride is supposed to be mourning the loss of her singlehood. Traditional hen's nights usually involve a stripper (or two), plenty of booze, and girls getting all high and cackly (hence the term "hen's night", I think.)

Well, mine wasn't quite so wild, but it was one of the best nights of my life.
With my most precious girl friends taking their Saturday off to spend it with me, how else could it have turned out? :) Cheryl Anne was my party planner, and she did such a fabulous job bringing all my girl friends together for a night of good, clean fun at the Fairmont hotel.

Trina, Carol, Audrey, Chelsa, Cheryl Sarah, Cheryl Anne - you girls are my life, and long may that continue!



This was the sight that greeted me when I returned to the room.
I was wondering if I should bash my way through, or slowly undo the scotch-tape for each piece hurhur!

  

After bashing my way through.... These were what I saw!
Pretty helium balloons, a mystery box, and a table very nicely laid out with my favourite gula melaka pandan chiffon cake from Cedele and bottles of Moscato :)





My girls were hilarious - they sang me a song to the "Happy Birthday" tune, but didn't know what to replace the "birthday" with. Somehow, seeing a cake with lit up candles always makes us wanna burst into a "Happy Birthday", eh?

  
The aftermath of my entrance. Haha!

 
Close-up of said mystery box... And its contents. ;)


Everyone trying to help me decide which of the pretty baubles to put on..

 
Okay, just two pictures of me be-decked. I do look a little crazed, but because they put so much effort in decorating me... These are for you, darlings. :D


After a change of dresses, off we went to dinner!
While at dinner... We were busy bequeathing each other with gifts.
I think I got super skills in bed, extra powers with the broom and mop, and lifelong happiness, among many other lovely, happy things. :)

I, on the other hand, gave my friends useful gifts like 20 bouncing babies, 1 million dollars (in a million years), lifelong company in the form of 20 cats, and most importantly... the gift of Punctuality (for Cheryl Sarah Lee, especially. Haha!) Hehehe.

See! Everyone looks so happy with what I gave them. :P





I think they almost managed to nail the mafia shot, if I hadn't yelled "One, two, three, SCOWL!!"









I think that's all of the pictures I can show. The rest are just... Let's say that in the interest of protecting the dignity of myself and my intelligent, beautiful, genteel friends - I will stop my picture post here.


Okay, so I have pictures of honour with each of my lovely girls.
And little messages for each of them.


To Chelsa:
We've been through and grown much together.
We both learnt what it means to love and hurt at about the same time, and we've both made it through since. We've definitely come a long long way!
You've been a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, the perfect study pal.
I'd never have made it through university without you, in more ways than one.



To Audrey:
You've been my voice of reason more often than you know, and for that I am nothing but grateful.
You are one of the strongest, bravest, kindest souls I know, and you don't know this but I've always looked up to you. Long may that continue, my dearest pal!



To Cheryl Sarah Lee:
I'm never ever bored around you, you rarest of girl friends, you pal, you!
I'm so glad you managed to come for my party in spite of your crazy busy schedule and working the Saturday away. It wouldn't have been complete without you.



To Cheryl Anne:
Childhood friend, we are so similar in so many ways, almost like a reflection of myself.
It's taken us a while to love ourselves, and now that we do, I cherish the me I see in you even more.
Thank you, for being you. Thank you, for seeing me for who I am, and loving me nonetheless.
And, you are one mean party planner! :)



To darling little sister Carol:
I never meant to sit on you when you were a mere baby... We've grown through our differences and learnt to accept each other, and boy has it been a long 22 years of that.
Do know that I miss you even more now that we're no longer a corridor apart.
MLM, forever and ever! :9:9


To BFF Trina:
You've never judged me for anything I've done, and in you I've always had full acceptance of all I was, am, and will be.
There is little in life that is more precious than that; than you.


I love all of you very much.

To treat these two imposters just the same

What I've been inspired by these days, from the Spring 2012 runways.
First up, a bevy of beautiful evening gowns from my favourite evening wear designers: Marchesa and Elie Saab.
Hands-down, these two always do it for me where gowns are concerned.
They always have gowns that do what evening gowns should do: dazzle and take one's breath away at the gorgeousness of it all.

Absolutely dripping with high-octane glamour.

 

 

Marchesa Spring 2012

 

 

 

 

 

And of course, my absolute favourite - Elie Saab.
I lurrrve the colour palette and the elegance of his evening wear. This is in spite of the Style.com fashion writer's lacklustre review of this collection. Lace, sequins, and flowy chiffon, these are everything I'd want on any gown I'd don for a glitzy affair. (And I've always wanted to work a gown with a thigh-high split like Megan Fox or Blake Lively - both of whom do so with such aplomb.)


Okay this is a very random post.

One of my favouritest poems, ever.

"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you.
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

...

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!"

If
Rudyard Kipling

"I have spread my dreams beneath your feet...

... Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
W.B. Yeats




The weekend was a fulfilling one, wedding-wise.

Thought through more decor to be done and tested out some ideas, went to choose and confirm my flowers for the church arrangements and my bouquet, got Clem's shoes and ties, collected the studio album, sat down with my programme ICs to hammer out the details of the wedding day programme...

Up next: settling the decor for the lunch hall, finalizing the dinner seating arrangements, finalize dinner decor.

WOOHOO! Things are getting settled one by one.

The list though, is never-ending.

Quick peek of what my bouquet is slated to look like:



Flowers make me happy.
If I were to consider an alternative career, I think I'd be a florist.
In my opinion, flowers are everything "pretty" should be. Delicate and vivacious at the same time, in all the colours the world can hold.

4 more weekends to the day, and I already am looking beyond that.

"But ultimately, there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately, two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together, we become a new creature.

To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take. If we commit outselves to one person for life, this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather, it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected."

Madeleine L'Engle

Songs they sung as they walked...

"The Road goes ever on and on,

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can.

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way.

Where many paths and errands meet;

And whither then? I cannot say."

Satisfaction is a flighty thing.

Everyone gleans and perceives it differently; travels down different roads to get there.

Me? My path is about to fork; I can feel it. Yet, I do not know which path I should take. The path well-trodden, or the hidden path? Safety and surety are values that I cannot pretend I don't care about. But remaining ensconced in certitude, floating in the balmy waters of Comfort, is something I cannot luxuriate in if I want to fly.

I guess I can dream, dream the biggest of dreams, and then just see where that will all take me.

Back to the gritty reality of humdrum? Or to someplace else just as gritty?

I'm under no illusion that the grass is greener on the other side - that has been dispelled many times over and I'm no longer wide-eyed and brimming with optimism at the vastness of the future. No; I know that the horizon is always bounded by chains, there is nothing I can humanly do to transcend the bounds of my own limits.

What I wonder at though, is what are my limits?

Am I there? Or can I still be stretched til my nose touches the glass?

No one knows. I don't even know myself. But what I know is that I will never find out if I don't try.

The hardest thing to do is to take the plunge into the icy waters of the calm surface, take that first step away from the straight path before me.

And still, there must be faith and trust.

"Still round the corner there may wait,

A new road or a secret gate.

And though we pass them by today,

Tomorrow we may come this way,

And take the hidden paths that run,

Towards the Moon or to the Sun."

The Lord of the Rings

Bright Young Things

"It's easy to forget now, how effervescent and free we felt all summer. Everything fades: the shimmer of gold over White Cove; the laughter in the night air, the lavender early morning light on the faces of skyscrapers, which had suddenly become so heroically tall. Every dawn seemed to promise fresh miracles, among other joys that are in short supply these days. And so I will try to tell you, while I still remember, how it was then, before everything changed - that final season of an era that roared."

My past month in pictures, for when words are not enough.
One month to my wedding day - the days are crawling by slower than ever. I'm not sure if I'm just making sure I savour every minute of each day that goes, or if I'm wishing for time to slow down just so I find the space and time to catch a breath.


Turn my head with talk of summertime

 

  



Swan Lake on ice, Watami, Michelle's wedding, my favourite furry feline.

"That is what I want to tell you about: the girls with their short skirts and bright eyes and big-city dreams.

The girls of 1929."

Peek to your heart's content:

"Some people search for a fountain - promises forever young. Some people need three dozen roses - and that's the way to prove you love them. Hand me the world on a silver platter, and what good would it be?"

In the midst of all the craziness, all the madcap rush to get things done, it's the little things in life that keep me going. That, and hope for the future; my heart is swollen with that.

"If I ain't got you."

How did this turn out so ugly?

Weddings. They're always supposed to be in celebration of a happy union of a couple, but why do they inevitably end up ugly in the midst of the planning? Everyone wants things to go their way - and if it doesn't, they resort to threats, angry words, and emotional blackmail.

The people I thought least capable of descending to this sort of behaviour were my own parents.

Yet here I am, fighting many battles but feeling like I'm losing the war.

Tradition is something I admit I have not been the best at adhering to. So I would be the first to admit that it is usually the first thing I overlook, the first thing I belittle. So when my parents point it out, I begrudgingly admit my failure to recognize, and I concede.

But all that aside, they've been giving me a very hard time.

I haven't felt so disappointed and so utterly alone in such a long time.

How ironic it is that the closer I get to the wedding, the more miserable I feel.

 

Not looking forward to it? Don't come.

Afraid that you'll lose face? Go hide somewhere.

Wonder what the old folks will say? Go join them.

 

Just last night, the mother wanted to try to force me to remove some of my wedding pictures from the album.

"Kissing pictures should be censored!!!"

Seriously, if one cannot kiss during one's own wedding, then... whatthefuck?!

I gave in to my parents over the traditional stuff already. Fine.

Now she wants to try to influence the other aspects as well? No way in hell.

 

Alright alright, I'm trying not to degenerate into juvenile ranting of immense angst here.

But fact is that I'm hugely overwhelmed by too many dark thoughts at this point in time.

I wish 19 Nov would hurry up and come, cos I'm not enjoying the planning process at all. :'(

 

"Family quarrels are bitter things. They don't go by any rules. They're nto like aches or wounds; they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material."

F. Scott Fitzgerald

I think I might be going bonkers...

I have to admit that I'm starting to get more than a little tired out from all the impending wedding work to do.

I swore I wouldn't let all the planning get to me, when Clem and I started way back last year. We even thought we were so on the ball with everything!

BOY WERE WE WRONG.

With approximately 1.5 months to go to the big day, the days are slipping by more and more quickly.

And things I didn't want to do - like consolidating the guest list and doing the seating arrangements - have now become Important, Urgent, and no longer Ignorable. :'(

That's definitely not to say that I haven't had help. My friends and family have been so generous in their offer of help, so I've definitely been so very blessed in that aspect.

Chels is helping me with the decor (it's a massive job, especially if you wanna attempt something creative).

Matt has been helping us with the wedding card design and is also gonna help do up the designs for one of the wedding favours.

Cheryl has been talking me through so many things and dropping me mails with her ideas.

And Clem has been busy calling a babillion people.

Yes I admit, I do bully him a little.. 

But I'm trying to do my fair share of calling now instead of just reminding him to get in touch with all these people! 

We still have to get our favours produced, send our cards for production, co-ordinate flowers with my florists, get the ring cushion, confirm the decor plan, do up the powerpoint slides for Mass, work out the intricacies of the programme........... Thinking about all these undone tasks is making me a little dizzy. :X

Okay I'm trying not to be so caught up with all the work on hand and forget that we're preparing for a day to mark the start of our lives together. TRYING REALLY HARD.

And work has been brutal lately. All the tension has been taking a toll on my mental and emotional faculties, even though it doesn't directly involve me. Sigh human relationships can be so messy and convoluted. 

OKAY BACK TO WORK.

Choosing photos for my video montage now. See? The work really never ends.

What I do other than shop and plan for my wedding...

I've been reading quite a bit lately.

Granted, the books I've been reading aren't exactly Nobel prize winning literature.

But I firmly believe that literature does not need to be high-brow or overly arty for it to have value.

Just like in my previous post where I proclaimed my support for the Blog Shop - here, I would like to state my belief in literature of all kinds, popular or with a capital L.

Ever since I was a kid, I've been devouring books like Cookie Monster eats cookies.

And my rate of consumption has only increased with age. Especially since I chose to major in English Literature while in university.

I'm currently making my way through Lord of the Rings trilogy and I've just started on the third book. I love the way Tolkien has seamlessly weaved disparate folk and fairy tale elements into such a sweeping landscape. The elf, the dwarf, the orc, and his very unique hobbit - I daresay he's the father of modern fantasy. Even the World of Warcraft world has borrowed much from Tolkien's conceptions of these fantasy folk, and I'm soaking in every word like a happy parrot eats crackers. :D
I can't wait to re-watch the movies once I'm done with the book(s)!

Another series that I've been reading is Anna Godbesen's The Luxe.
It's Gossip Girl circa 1900s, and so addictive! She does one heck of a job describing the luxurious outfits that she has her characters wear. The drama can be "what the hell" at times, the characters overly forced into their roles a little - but I've still been reading cos this series is such an easy read. Especially since I'm suffering from Gossip Girl withdrawal symptoms. (Season 5 premiered last night!!!! Now to find time to watch it some time after work..)

The last series of novels that have been keeping me busy is the World of Warcraft series.
I know I know, I'm such a geek / gamer girl. But as I've said before, I don't discriminate against such "gaming" literature and since they're rather well-written, I see no shame in announcing that I do enjoy reading them for my quick fix of entertainment. :P

All that being said, I can't wait to
a) Re-watch Seasons 1-4 of Gossip Girl (which I should have done prior to the premiere of Season 5..) so that I'll be all ready for Season 5!!
b) Sink my teeth once more into World of Warcraft.
And this time, Clem has agreed to play with me so I AM EXCITED MUCH!

Oh yes, and get married so that the flurry of activity will slow down, finally.
I will not talk about the wedding here since I do enough of that as it is..
I will in my next post though, so if you're interested to read about the latest happenings as I prep for my wedding, you can check back in a bit. :) xx