today was one of those crampy days that make me feel like i wasn't alive. days like these seem to give me licence to loll around in bed all day (cos i really can't sit up), and whine a lot about the pain in my abdomen and just basically look and flop around like a dead duck.

Clem said that maybe it's cos of these once-a-month occurences that help me keep as seemingly skinny as i am and keep that once again, seemingly flawless complexion. cos the nausea's so bad and i keep retching, i simply do not eat anything for the two days of my cramps, till it subsides. i don't want to eat and have to heave up food into the toilet bowl. he claims it's a detox process and it's probably helping me stay the way i look even though i'm about one of the unhealthiest eaters on the planet.

like how my body needs a detoxing once every month to stay in shape and form (though i assure you, i don't look forward to this 'detoxing' process), i'm beginning to wonder if my soul needs a similar process - to get rid of all the rubbish it ingests and accumulates. my seemingly invisible soul exists in a realm my physical body cannot see, but i'm sure it needs to be taken care of like how i ought to take care of my physical body by exercising and drinking enough water, resting enough and eating when i'm hungry.

it's a painful process, though. my stomach feels extremely sore and my entire body's aching and feeling extremely weak, but i've completely lost my tummy and i swear my legs seem slimmer already. perhaps not such an extreme kind of detoxing process should be what i aim for for my soul's well-being, but i do think it's necessary however painful/annoying/uncomfortable it may be. and i think one way to detox my soul would be to keep a day or two completely free of my laptop and my worldly worries; money worries, school work, computer games and the deadly internet, the television - they all must go for a day. perhaps i ought to spend a day each month in the great outdoors, just me and my soul and the refreshing greenery and air.

haha, perhaps i'm too idealistic, but i can try for something as similar to this ideal as i can, right? stay off connectivity for a day. introspect and reflect.

hmm. now that's a thought to chew on!