for eternity

i was thinking about it just now, about how i love words. words allow me to express myself, define myself, even - words allow me to weave magic, letters to beautiful sentences to stories. i play with words all the time, make them do what i want. but at the same time, i despise how they rollick around, escaping my attempts to pin down an exact meaning - because meaning can change so easily with a rearrangement of letters. rollicking around, eluding capture, just playful playing play. ploy? 

you tell me something and i know you mean it. but too much lit has made me realise how insubstantial things you say really are. after all, i can easily take everything and reassemble them, reconstruct my truths, scramble them up and build them from scratch, claw, paw, poke - until it's unrecognisable and something totally new. i hold certain things as non-negotiables in my life, certain truths that i hold as my Truths, certain things i flatly refuse to allow the contamination of subjectivity to fall upon. so do i believe that there are no truths in the world? well, no, not absolutely; for there are some things like Jesus Christ dying for my soul that remains unchangeable because i do not allow truths like that to be tampered with. i choose to accept things like that as wholly true because things like that make up the foundation of my being. if i don't believe that Jesus died for me because He loved me, then how do i even negotiate the concept of love, why do i even want to love if what i can do is pursue self-gratification? 

so when you say "i love you", i believe you mean it now. but i also believe that when you said "i love you" to a totally different person in a totally different time, you meant it too. i want to believe that you did, because then i can believe that you mean it now. but a part of me hates that you loved before, a part of me wants to be the first and the last, a part of me wants a little bit of eternity. 

i can't promise i can heal you

but if you want to, i can try.

to sing this summer serenade

the past is done, we've been betrayed

it's true.

someone says the truth was lie

i believe without a doubt in you.

you were there for summer dreaming

and you gave me what i need

and i hope you find your freedom

for eternity.

yesterday when you were walking

talked about your mom and dad

what they did that made you happy

what they did that made you sad.

we sat and watched the sun go down

picked a star before we lost the moon

youth is wasted on the young

before you know, it's come and gone

too soon.

& i hope you find your freedom, eventually

for eternity.