unfettered, wild and free

sometimes, i think some people stay in some relationships because they're too comfortable in them. it's a bit like your security blanket, you've had it for too long, ergo, you dare not throw it away. i don't mean relationships can be broken just like that, like say, when you're bored of it. rather, i'm talking about those relationships where it clearly cannot work anymore, where boy and girl no longer love each other just because but have to find reasons to keep 'loving', where there's too much pain and hurt involved. if my relationship ever becomes like that, i would be the first one to recognise how unsustainable it is, but at the same time, would also be the first one to cling on tightly to it precisely because it's dying, and i don't know what it would be like otherwise. we all like familiarity, we all want comfort, and while change is the only constant in the world, we all hate change. perhaps i still have notions of "true love" and love should be this and this and this. perhaps i still am a bit idealistic, a tad romantic. perhaps life hasn't treated me harshly enough to show me how love is practical, utilitarian, and ultimately, seemingly self-serving. all i know is that i still have my Christian notions of what love should be and shouldn't be, and even though all the above might stare right at me, mirrored around me a thousand times over, i don't want to believe in any of that.

i am, after all, still, a free spirit - and i still yearn to be unfettered, wild, and free.