There are so many things to do in anticipation for a wedding.
I personally never imagined how much stuff there would be do to, in preparation for just that one day.
On top of the traditional wedding tasks to have to get done, I was surprised to find myself having to grapple with the gargantuan prospect of having to move out of my comfy room with all my piles, cupboards, racks, shelves, and drawers of possessions. Everything I own in this world is contained within the 4 walls of my room (okay so the shoes are downstairs, but that's just a technicality isn't it?) - so having to store all my things in preparation of moving out is really no mean feat.
I had initially thought that the toughest hurdle I'd have to cross would be to squeeze my two cupboards of clothes into a couple of boxes to be brought to Clem's room post-marriage. To be honest, I haven't started on that yet, but we'll cross that bridge only when I have to, eh? ;)
So anyway. As I prepare for my future with the husband-to-be, it's inevitable that I have to shed bits of my past, to make space for what lies ahead. Suffice to say, there's a hell lot of junk that I've accumulated over the last 18 years of life in my room. Massive doesn't even cut it. And I'm not just talking about the physical, tangible stuff that I cleared over the National Day holiday - of which I chucked out 7 bags full.
It's what's in those bags of things I threw away that for me, made the task more momentous that packing those 2 cupboards of clothes into a couple of boxes.
When I decided to clear my stuff, I decided to do it both cold-heartedly, and whole-heartedly. I'm the sort that forms emotional attachments to people rather easily, much less inanimate objects. (This is the reason why I prefer to put up a detached front because otherwise, I'd just be a snail without its shell.) Among many items I threw out were outdated statements, old accessories, half-written-in notebooks, and 15 years of diaries.
The last type of item that I chucked out was the toughest to let go of, I'll admit. Sentimentality is one of my biggest weaknesses. Over-reaction is probably another. But I had to steel myself to just throw all those volumes out, because I want to be totally free of everything that has dogged me prior to where I am now. All those insecurities, childhood fears, teenage angst - they're gone, over, finito. I don't wish to relive any of those moments, I don't wish to bring them with me into my future that holds so much. Nothing.
Admittedly, there were certain volumes I had more trouble throwing away, and those were the diaries I'd written in most recently. But truth be told, the last entry I'd written was back in 2008. It's been 3 years since. I no longer need to cling on to those. I haven't opened my diaries since I wrote my last entry. That's pretty telling, and I thought I might as well make a clean purge of it all. Looking back, I think it was quite brave of me to just chuck all 15 years of my life down the rubbish chute without bothering to tear out the pages or at least attempt to protect my privacy somehow. But that's done, and you know, I think I don't care enough about what's in there to bother. There's nothing incriminating, nothing really worth reading save a ton of teenage angst and bitterness.
It feels good to not have all that baggage with me as I move on ahead. I do feel a lot more liberated somehow, by that one act of throwing my written past into the bin. As much as the future will always be tempered by the past, there is no need for me to keep harping on it. (Note to self: good practice in general, and there's no need to keep harping on the fiancé's past either!)
Credits to: http://www.flickr.com/photos/reason/60170120/
Brides-to-be, maybe you'd want to consider doing this too. Trust me, just harden your heart and take that plunge. You'll feel a lot lighter moving forward.
I just have, and I do. :)
Some sneaks from my informal shoot with Melody back in March below.
3 months and 7 days to go!
Here's to another hectic weekend of wedding work!
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