surrealism

i'm the first in the office this morning! besides the cleaning ladies la. but yes, i'm Very Early this morning. slept super early last night cos i wasn't feeling too good, then popped out of bed this morning at 7.20am. well, okay la. popped out would be euphemic. dragged myself out would be more like it. =D

these early morning solitary stints in the office have such a surreal feel about them. it's like i'm the only one alive in this box-like place, walled into my cubicle. all i hear is the sound of the massive air-conditioners somewhere up in the high ceiling, the clicking sound of my typing, and my own breathing. that's it.

makes me feel like i exist in my own dimension. with just myself and absoutely no one else present. it's a somewhat nice feeling, cos i'm feeling myself so completely.

then i plug into my mp3 player but that doesn't change anything, cos it's so quiet still that i can hear my typing behind the music. every single sound is amplified in this silence. as i said, surreal.

results came out yesterday! that was a surreal feeling too, actually. i did rather all right this sem, and i'm still allowing the feeling of being a reborn okay student sink into me. i've been a lousy student the past year, according to my results. but now, i think i'm starting to be okay again. :) was really happy. and grateful to God for not abandoning me even when i abandoned myself throughout the sem. much thanks to Him to be given for this sem!

everything else in my life seems to have taken a rather surreal quality about them, too. my daily routine runs like clockwork now, cos of the structure of being an office-worker. at night, i have one thing or the other to do, one person or the other to meet. i haven't had time at all to laze around at home and nap or play endless games on my laptop. haven't had time to curl up in bed with my book. haven't had time to watch whatever's on the tv. i just do everything i need to do then plop into bed at night. the days seem both not long enough for me and too long for me at the same time. the former cos i have no time to do everything i wanna do, the latter cos i have too much to do and not enough energy to do it all.

even this morning, having had the luxury of almost 8 hours of sleep the night before (which is the amount of sleep i've had in the previous 2 days put together) - i'm tired and sluggish, and my eyes hurt. had a slight fever last night cos of all the activity, but i managed to shrug it away by the time i woke up.

have been having funny dreams the past few nights also. i wake up in the mornings feeling distinctly unsettled, but i can't remember why most of the time. the one that i remember most clearly was the dream i had of living my life backwards, seeing myself get killed and trying to live it such that i could undo my own death. that got me thinking - the thought of living life back to front. it probably couldn't happen in the natural world since it messes up the threads of time and chronology as we know it.


it's true, we're all a little insane/but it's so clear, now that i'm unchained/fear is only in our minds, taking over all the time/you poor sweet innocent thing/dry your eyes and testify/one day i'm gonna forget your name. sweet sacrifice/evanescence