too many things

i really own a damn lot of things. i always have something to throw away, something to discard. there's always not enough space in my room. i have two options. a) get a bigger room. b) accumulate less stuff. i think b would be a lot more feasible, seeing how it'd be impossible to enlarge my room in any way.

spent the last dunno how many hours throwing out stuff from my room - again. stacked up all the new books i bought and nearly fainted. i have 12 spanking new books i haven't touched. and that's not including all the titles i inherited from Koko Jo when she moved to Vietnam. all in all, i may have 30 books i have not yet read.

so why do i keep feeling compelled to buy more books? it's getting to be like my shoe obsession, except that i actually do wear the shoes i buy, but i don't always finish all the books i buy. but at least the clothes buying has stopped somewhat these days.

i've been thinking a lot about too few things, which then compels me to think about how to stop thinking about them. it's silly, really, how things always seem to pan out. you think that you're in control of it all, you think nothing can ruffle your feathers anymore, when wham - something perfectly innocuous happens and it really messes you up and you think now where did that come from?

and yet i can see something like that happening a mile away. so does that make me stupid, or stupid?

i am not trying to create ripples in a still pond that's calm and oh-so-serene. i'm not trying to mess things up when they seem so prestine and well, neat. but amid my current contentment, i can't help but feel distinctly disgruntled at the way things have turned out. i can't help but wonder sometimes. okay i'm bluffing. a lot of the times. but well, sometimes i think it's all too dangerous, wondering.

first day of the new school term tomorrow. i'm still waiting for Clem to call, but it seems like he's not gonna call tonight. it's so late already. hmm. i hope he hasn't taken me all-too-literally when i said i was gonna sleep at 3-ish or 4. cos it seems like he is. taking me literally, that is. sigh. guys.

screw the new paramour.