f*ck.

it is immensely difficult to comprehend how i simultaneously began my exams today, and at the same time, also kissed goodbye to a decent cap this sem and hence a decent cap (ie. anything remotely close to 4) within the next two semesters.

i hate James Carey and his ritual/transmission model of communication - you have screwed me over with your false importance which has fatally been misconstrued as unimportance to me, and for right reasons too. i cannot believe i spent the entire weekend and some part of the previous week imbibing readings for 2113, which were NOT of any use in my exam today in whatever imaginable form whatsoever. i could have done far more productive things, like sleep well or take care of my mental health. much thanks to this screw up of gargantuan proportions in my academic choices, i have effectively bidden a decent cap score farewell with one f*ck up. well, considering how my comms research presentation went disastrously (as i expect the report the presentation was based on went, too), and how for some unfathomable reason certain members of my writing mod have gotten significantly higher marks than others even though it is a f*cking group project and thus have reason to suspect foul play somewhere in our peer review collusion - idealistic idiot i was - i am therefore looking forward to two consecutive Bs, B+s, if i'm lucky. we shall not even delve into psycholit, in which i have been averaging the grand total of a B- this entire sem by virtue of being bloody 0.5 marks below the average score. my cap this semester is beginning to look disgusting already.

now, we all know i do not curse and swear flippantly, for no good reason. hence, you should all realize by now the gravity of my situation and the extent of my frustration and my annoyance at some screwed up group project grading system - and i hate people who turn their backs on agreements, by the way. of course, i have no proof to validate any of these claims, so i am trying my darndest to will myself to purge myself of these poisonous thoughts - but to no avail. but, i am succeeding in putting my energies into this post, and will attempt to divert all my frustration towards studying for comms research tomorrow morning when i get up.

house rocks, by the way. i am hooked on it, and i love axn for showing two back to back episodes on two consecutive days. i am hoping house will be aired again tomorrow night, and maybe with all these little distractions, my dangerous sort of mood will dissipate and i will revert to the harmless, happy being i (think) i normally am.