i am such a time waster. i spent 15 minutes looking at my msn contact list and sorting my contacts into their neat little labels of "family", "nus people" etc. i just spent over an hour on the phone with Clem inanely testing him on European capitals and finding some form of giddy entertainment out of it.
when i have work to do, it seems that i want to do everything but. it's as if work is the last thing i want to do, when in reality, it's the thing i SHOULD be doing. i have spent the better part of the actual day doing absolutely nothing by virtue of the splitting headache that had been hounding me the moment i crawled out of bed at 1245 (when i was due in my psycho lit seminar at 12). turned on my comp and thought i could get right down to work when miss Cheryl Sarah Lee messaged me on msn even though i was appearing offline. and she kept me entertained all the way till about 2 plus, ranting about her life's complications. i don't think i was very good company, being in my zombiefied state, but i did my best. at least she woke me up somewhat. but i couldn't take it after lunch anymore, and i folded back into bed till 6. the sleep was fitful though, and my eyes kept shooting wide open before they fluttered back down and i drifted off to sleep again. my headache was with me all the way till dinner time - during which i ate two dinners btw: one at my grandma's place, and one at my cousin's place.
after driving out to pick mom up from the station at 9, i started to do my work. yes, the war's still on at home. when will it stop. worked on the methodology part of my report till Tri called to ask if i was wowing, and i decided to go on for a while. showered, then the telephone conversation with Clem and the quiz on European countries' capitals happened, then got back to work at 215am after 15 minutes of stoning in front of my msn screen. i am happily, quite done with that section, unlike the stupid lit review portion i am very dissatisfied over. i've only stopped working on it cos i decided i need to get a move on in my editing or i'll never get through the entire paper. so very happily, i am on thereshold of starting on working on the findings section - then writing my own sections. and then i'll hop back to the lit review part to work on it until i'm moderately happy with it. i think i'm a bit of a perfectionist, which drives me crazy cos i don't stop working on something until i think i'll do well enough with what i've handed in. and when i know i'm not willing to put in the effort to produce a good piece of work, i don't even put in the effort and end up with a damn shitty piece of work. extreme, i know.
oh and very happily, the letter thing for sep's due on 15 April, not March. i emailed the sep office to check and to my great relief and delight, they told me that it was a typo. applications for 2nd majors are open soon too. so much admin to clear. but i'd rather do all these admin than my stupid 2102 paper, really. i am really lucky cos all the admin is due AFTER my flurry of project deadlines early next week. and 2113 presentation has been pushed all the way back to two saturdays from now, so i can just throw myself into the essay due on tuesday.
i can't wait for next tuesday to be over. while i'll still have my 2220 project due the coming monday, it's only that, which i foresee won't be too difficult anyway since my group seems pretty solid.
and okay this is off tangent, but talking to Cheryl today made me realise so many things. which was actually what prompted me to blog today - not the inane rambling of my doings. it was so strange cos for the hour or so i was online with her, i felt so detached from my reality now and felt my mind somehow being taken back to the Kelly of 2004 and 2005. hung up and miserable over a certain someone in school, not paying any mind to my school work as i came back each day from school too ready to wallow in self-pity instead of doing proper work. hence my dubious A-level results. but i digress. as she was telling me about the certain someone and how he was doing - surly as ever, i might add - i felt somewhat sorry for the me of yesteryear, an yet i felt exactly what i felt then, too. for that hour or so talking to Cheryl, i felt somewhat suspended in time, living in my own head again - surreal. maybe that's why some things just don't die, cos they live on in my head, merely buried in the sands of time as the grains keep falling with the passage of time. how strange it is that all these things remain a part of me, as much as i don't want them to. not only do they remain a part of me - they make up who i am. it upsets me greatly when i come to that realisation because i don't want these horrid experiences and feelings to have as much influence as they do actually wield over me - they don't warrant that degree of importance, my rational mind insists. and yet, fight as i might, all these things remain etched in my heart and i am, inextricably and irrevocably, as much a sum of these as well as these are what i am.
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