HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY, CHELS PAL!


'nuff said about that haha. :) love.






i think my last post was a bit extreme and i sounded a little psychotic. well, let me assure all my darling friends who care about my sanity - i'm perfectly fine and i do admit, it was a little extreme. i need to learn how to exist in some form of middle ground, the world doesn't spin on extremes, know what i mean?

neither is the world a sad love song, for that matter.

what i've decided to do, it ain't gonna be easy. i know full well what's in store for me, and i'm living it out right now, right here. have been living it out for a few days. and it's tough like hell. somedays i feel like just hecking it all and going on to live my life the way i want to, away from it all.

but well, that's not me, that's not what i was meant to do.

Kel doesn't run away when faced with a problem. Kel faces right up to it, but Kel needs to learn to keep her tongue in check when she faces up to problems cos other people may need her to not say anything.

i think i understand so much better now, but that doesn't necessarily make me any happier or make things any easier. i just know why some things have to be like that, and i realise the necessity. but still, the living it out is tough.

i will finish up my human geog lecture 8 readings before Dad comes to pick me up from the library. speaking of Dad. i crashed the car into the wall last night while parking. it wasn't a like, scratch or graze past the wall, it was a bump into the wall. Dad came running out of the house when he heard the thud, it must've been sufficiently loud for him to hear it and come out.

so anyway, the bumper's dented in and the car body's a little dented too. and the paint is scratched off. not too badly damaged, but my heart hurts for the money that's gonna go into the repairs. i'm gonna offer to pay half cos i mean, it's my fault and i don't deny it.

sigh but i never want to drive again. okay, maybe not never. but not for a long time. i'm scared i'll do something to the car the next time i touch it and i can't afford to repair the car too many times. :(