after my feverish dreams of the afternoon, i woke up to realise: maybe i don't need this all after all.

maybe i can do this - without.
maybe i've been barking up the wrong trees all this while.

i dunno why, but although my memories are still the sweetest thing to lose myself in, i don't know if they ought to remain just that - memories, and nothing more. not something to yearn for, not a possible maybe, just something that happened, and happened, that's it. not gonna happen again.

amid the sniffling and headaches of the day and all the time spent in slumber to shake off the flu i'm nursing, it just seemed as if everything - everything - is inconsequential. like it all doesn't matter anymore, whatever has happened and will happen. if it doesn't, bully for me. if it does, bully for me too. i'll take things as they come, i'll live in the now of everything and enjoy living while i'm at it.

i'll spend time with the people who matter, the people whom i can love right now right here. i'll not concern my pretty head with what i could be doing, but just busy myself with what i am doing.

last night as i was talking to God just before falling asleep, he told me everything was gonna be okay. yes, everything. but whether okay in my terms or his, i don't know. but you know what? i don't care anymore. i'll just trust that the okay God has planned for me will be okay for me too, and hence because of this certainty that all will be well is the prevailing wind of the times, everything else becomes inconsequential as a result.

i need to shake my flu off asap, i can't breathe properly and i fear my nose is gonna drop off soon.