spent the last 3 days in church, staying over with the worship team for con camp.

how time flies, i must say. sometimes you wonder how come 24 hours zips by so quickly that you don't even realise that the time is slipping away, so silently. how i wish i could hold on to some of the time that slips so surely out of my grasp, stop the clock from ticking and the hands from moving across the face.

all that'll remain tomorrow morning when i wake up is the distant memory and perhaps a normalcy that makes me wonder if everything was real in the first place. was it? even now as i sit here in the solitude of my room, i'm wondering if i imagined everything up. but the warmth in my heart tells me otherwise even as my mind tells myself to flick the switch that controls emotions in me off again for the time being.

i think i'll go with the quiet certainty in my heart rather than the noisy buzzing in the brain trying to convince itself of certain lies or half-truths.

to feel so warm in your embrace - that must be how it feels like to be in God's embrace. during pray over on Saturday night, a constant prayer i said for the confirmants was for them to feel the warmth of God's embrace, to stretch out their own arms to return that embrace, and know for sure that God loves each one of them so real-ly. to know without a doubt that God is their refuge and shelter and protection, and the safety and comfort of his embrace is real, tangible, right here right there. just a mere touch, and you know that you are much much much loved. how beautiful.

sometimes that certainty is too good to seem real and you plant seeds of doubt in your own mind to throw yourself off balance.

i am too tired to continue blogging. i shall go to sleep right now for the first time in a long time.


everything must begin right or it won't last right. i will see this through.