today was one of those immensely boring, dreary days.

coughing fit plaguing me still, though. ditto for the disobedient nose. decided to take a flu tablet to try to fight the virus or bacteria or whatever is making me ill. slept the afternoon away in a bid to shake the flu off, but woke up with my nose still feeling stuck and my throat dry and itchy. think i shall go to the doctor if the flu doesn't wear off soon.

read my old books today as i lazed in bed in the afternoon. re-read some of the Animorphs books i used to lap up as a kid some 10 years ago. i dunno why i'm digging up all these old books instead of reading some of the new ones i haven't touched before. nostalgia seeping in, i suppose. how the good-old-days were gone so fast, how burdenless i was then as i devoured book after book.

fantastical tales are meant for us to get lost in. i still do manage to lose myself in make-believe worlds every now and then, supremely reluctant to come back to the world i belong in. the world i reside in has its beautiful moments, but it also has its hurtful memories, and i am afraid of stumbling upon them once again. there is nothing like time to heal our wounds, people say. well, true enough. but wounds inevitably don't heal well - they tend to scar and leave their mark on you. my kneecaps have 3 scars decorating them now even as i type these in. those open bloody wounds i had all those years ago, they healed, but they also scarred. left those shiny, puffy, white scars on my body; sometimes black, ugly marks too. as i look as those marks, i remember how i fell or hurt myself and the memory comes back because the scar reminds me.

i don't know what emotional scars look like, but i reckon they work they same way as physical scars.

you know the song Drops of Jupiter by Train?

the man singing asks the girl he was singing to:

tell me: did you fall for a shooting star?
one without a permanent scar?

people seem to be scared of getting involved with people with emotional scars that don't leave them. it's always a point of contention, the emotional baggage that one carries and never leaves behind. sometimes, even the slightest fall leaves a scar on you. especially if your skin was pretty much unblemished up to the point of the fall; the slightest stumble scars you and leaves a mark there permanently.

i scar easily, physically. the slightest scratch or drawing of blood always leaves a mark behind. an ugly dark gash that sometimes heals white with time. i have marks from mosquito bites, blisters, shallow scratches. things that don't scar others easily because of the make-up of their skin - scars me.

i suspect emotionally, i'm like that too. scarring too damn easily. well, excuse me for living, maybe. some people don't get scars from mosquito bites, some people are unaffected by shallow scratches. non-issues to them. but these stupid things scar me nonetheless, and though i wish i wouldn't scar so easily over non-issues, i do. live with it, huh. yeah. live with it.

life's a lot better now, i shouldn't complain! ingratitude and being less-than-content is so not becoming. a lot to be thankful for still. i need to get my prayer life back in some sort of order again.