i am stuck at home trying to rush the soci assignment before tonight. stressed. i have no idea what i wanna write on. i have big, grand plans of a grandiose essay that's like, wow, i never saw it that way before! but i have zero motivation to start.

it really irks me, how some people talk down from their high-horses about certain things. who the hell are you to pass judgement - any kind of judgement - about anyone's life? about anyone's walk with God? about anyone's struggles? about anyone's feelings? no one has the right to. no one.

i don't expect anyone to understand exactly how i feel or what i'm going through, so i don't blame people when they can't. but at the same time, i don't expect me to understand exactly what my friend, no matter how close a friend it is, is going through. and so i try not to judge. i don't snort in derision and scoff to myself how weak or how silly. i can't do that, i don't know everything. i may think i know what the person is going through based on what he or she tells me, but that's only what he or she chooses to tell me, see. there's usually a lot more going on that the person doesn't say.

it's hard to not come across as being judgemental. it's hard not to pass a snap judgement. it's hard to remain neutral. and sometimes, as much as we try not to take sides or anything, we subconsciously do it anyway. we have certain loyalties towards certain people, we can't help but get worked up when our friends seem to have been hurt by someone else. bad sentiments towards the other party, inevitably. even if you tell yourself you're neutral, sometimes the negative sentiments just form inside of us and temper our impressions.

sad, i know, but you can't blame anyone for these as well. you can't expect the other party to feel all warm and lovey to you when it appears you've been a complete bitch to their friend. even if that's not totally the case, even if there's still your side of the story untold and so many other aspects that you could uncover when you tell your side - you can't blame the unfairness or biasness of perspective.

you know, i've mellowed so much over the last few years. i've become less reactive, less quick to dismiss someone as an annoying whatever. it's not that i've become spineless or dead-boring, i guess it's just that i'm a lot more aware of how my actions or words could end up affecting other people. i don't want to consciously cause hurt to anyone, even if my feelings towards someone are poisonous enough to turn to hate.

okay i need to eat lunch then start on that dratted assignment.