i'm back in hall!
the room is sofrickingdusty and my nose has been on overdrive ever since stepping in. you know, the thought of not staying in this familiar room next semester when school begins again is kinda unsettling. the thought of not having this room to come back to nap in when i'm tired and wanna skip classes is unsettling.

but then again, the thought of moving back home and cleaning up my room to make it inhabitable once more makes me quite happy too. haha.

finished webcasting the geog lecture i was doing over the weekend when i got back. then went to watch cycle 7 of ANTM.

it's funny, but as i watched the first episode of cycle 7, i felt slightly nostalgic. i don't even know why! it's not as if i've been through the selection process of ANTM or anything. but i dunno, i think it's cos i've watched every single season from 1 to this one, and i've seen 6 selection processes. and i was kinda jealous too, like these girls are so lucky. they get a shot at fulfilling their dream. a real shot.

and as i was watching, i suddenly thought to myself: what if i had to choose between my dream, and the one person that's special to me?
i was talking to God this afternoon before i fell asleep; was telling God how i would give up everything for the one thing i wanted so badly in my life now. i'd forgo wealth, good grades, popularity, recognition. the one thing that didn't cross my mind as i was thinking of all the things i'd give up for the one thing was my dream job.
watching ANTM made me think about it. all the girls reiterate over and over again that modelling is their dream and has been their dream.

would i give up the opportunity to pursue my dream for that one thing? i couldn't answer the question straight away. i was stunned for a while, lost in my own thoughts. but after reflecting and chewing on it for a while, i think that yes, i'd give up once-in-a-life-time opportunities. i would. it's like two equally attractive gifts held out to you, both things you really want. but you can only choose one. do you pick the one you've been wanting since a child? or do you pick the one you've been wanting for not quite as long as that, but long enough - and you know you need it badly?

i'd pick the latter. maybe i didn't know better as a child. maybe i know better now. maybe what i wanted as a child was what i wanted cos it was all i knew?

anyway. i realise that i've added more and more to my prayer life these days. it's odd, but i constantly ask God to surprise me whenever i pray now. because i know he has so many blessings in store for me, blessings that would surprise me if i'd let them, and i want to enjoy them for what they are.

argh my eyes are watery and my nose is severely stuck. i need to air my room for the next week i think. or i'll die from suffocation here.