omg once a month every single month without fail, i remember why i wish i weren't female. but the good thing about getting cramps every month faithfully is that i can appreciate the months when the cramps aren't as bad, i can thank God for giving me a relatively easier day to bear, i can smile when i realise the next day is relatively pain-free.

it makes one empathise with suffering so much more. especially if one was born relatively privileged with, not quite a silver-spoon in one's mouth, but with nice enough metal spoons.

sometimes when life goes quite nicely for me, i tend to forget about people whose lives aren't quite as smooth-sailing. i think God gives me a monthly day of recollection, sorta, to remember the people who hurt, the people who don't have things so easy.

and since today i was supposed to lead worship with Mel, i had even more to endure than usual. but God is indeed good and faithful. he really answers the prayers of those who have faith and trust in him.

"Have faith in God. Amen, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it shall be done for him. Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours."
-Mark 11:22-24.

God can make the impossible possible, if only we'd let him. if i believe completely in God, the mountain blocking me WILL throw itself into the sea if i command it to, because God will lift it for me. impossible? possible. because i believe God can and will.

after everything's been said, done, and put aside, i feel so much older and changed, somewhat. i feel like i've aged a few years in the last few months, my perspective on things have been remoulded quite drastically, the way i approach things has been reshaped. i don't hide behind polished facades so often anymore, because with God by my side, it's not a facade i'm putting up. i'm becoming more staid, more stable, more peaceful, more confident, more myself.

all of twenty years old and i feel like i'm never gonna fall in love with anyone else ever.
tell me how not to feel old when these overwhelming feelings of absolutes keep coming to mind?

never say never, i know. never even think never, cos never is not a word in God's vocab.
dying to one's own human nature is possibly the hardest thing to do.

okay gonna sleep again, after sleeping right through dinner till 10. cramps give me the excuse to just behave in an extremely pig-like manner for an entire day and just sleep entire days away.